Captain Spirk
by Albukirky
Summary: Due to transporter error Kirk and Spock found themselves sharing the same body and found that they are able to read each other's thoughts. Craziness ensues-what secrets will be revealed? Eventual K/S
1. The Unfortunate Incident

**A Star Trek Fanfiction by Albukirky**

**Disclaimer: I'm still haggling the price for ownership…**

**WARNING!: This is the product of a crazy, sick and twisted mind. I do not know if anyone had done this before but even if it had been done by someone else, I would like *MY* turn to TORTURE them (evil laugh)**

**Summary: Kirk and Spock ended up in the same body due to a freak transporter malfunction (what else). TWO SEPARATE MINDS IN ONE BODY (XD). I saw a brilliant photo manipulation on google superimposing the faces of CP and ZQ together to create a HAWT CREATURE!!! Go and get a good ogle yourself! Eventual K/S.**

**Captain Spirk**

**Chapter One: The Unfortunate Incident**

The negotiations with the people of Zeldon had gone exceedingly well beyond Captain James T. Kirk's expectations. He personally had beamed down onto the planet accompanied by his Vulcan First Officer Mr. Spock to discuss the terms of purchase for the planet's abundance supply of Dilithium Crystals.

The Enterprise's supply of the vital element was depleted due to their unfortunate run in with a flock of the chicken-like (in Kirk's opinion) Klingon warbirds. They had managed to escape with their lives intact but unfortunately had suffered severe damage to their warp drive making the return to Earth nearly impossible.

The ship's Chief Engineer Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott had summoned all of his engineering wizardry to rectify the problem but there was nothing even he could do without the crystals. Despair would have been the order of the day if not for the fortunate accident of them finding themselves to be near the crystal rich planet of Zeldon.

The planet unfortunately had practised the dreaded 'Close Door Policy' and refused to deal with them. It had been up to the Captain to save the day and as luck would have it, the High Chairman of the planet had in fact turned out to be a woman and Kirk had had no problem of sacrificing his 'honour' in the name of duty.

That is, to cut the story short: the Captain had used his eponymous charm on her (he definitely was gifted a generous amount of this) and had won them some useful crystals in the process.

Kirk had failed to notice the amount of eye-rolling his First Officer was displaying at his over amorous attempt to charm the Chairman. The Vulcan had obviously found the Captain's solution to the matter at hand to be an illogical one.

Nevertheless, Kirk had succeeded in getting what they needed and after all the kissing and various promises to return to the planet had been done, he and Spock were finally going home to the Enterprise. She was waiting for them as usual, in all her silver gilded glory.

Kirk is extremely proud of her.

As the Human Captain and the Vulcan First Officer stood side by side at the beam up location, a sudden and unexpected flash of light nearly blinded them followed by a tell-tale sign of thunder. An ion storm is approaching and that is never good news.

* * *

On the Enterprise it was Scotty who is personally working the transporter console panel to beam up the two Commanding Officers. He had served this duty too many times and no one could do it as well as Scotty can(if he might say so himself).

Chekov had almost dared rival him but in the end experience won out and the Scotsman recalled with pleasure of all the nice Scotch whiskey the young Russian Navigator had bought for him in a display of blatant hero-worship.

Chekov was going on about how whiskey was an invention by 'some old lady in some parts of Russia' but Scotty was willing to forgive the young man his foolishness.

After all, they had shared a most excellent whiskey the Engineer had ever come across this side of the galaxy.

'Pesky storm,' he grumbled to himself because he knows how destructive such storms can be to the ship's systems.

Every crewman aboard the Enterprise had known about the Engineer's not-so-secret love affair with the ship.

Scotty's passionate love for the Enterprise is unrivalled even by the best Scotch whiskey and that is saying a lot.

Therefore, his previous bad experience involving Admiral Archer's prized beagle notwitstanding, Scotty had earned himself the unofficial title of the Best Engineer in Starfleet and the Federation.

The Scotsman had been extremely pleased with himself.

* * *

'Beam us up Scotty,' the Captain had ordered and Scotty's fingers punched the necessary buttons expertly.

He did not know that a sudden flash of ion lightning had hit the Enterprise and entered the circulatory system as he did so.

He waited for the familiar materialisation to take place.

Two figures began to slowly materialise on the landing pad when suddenly they began to waver dangerously.

Scotty sprang into action immediately.

It was too late.

Only one figure had managed to be stabilize within the beam and Scotty watched in apprehension as it turned opaque and solidify into a recognisable figure.

Scotty stared at the figure now in suspended disbelief.

'Oh hell,' he thought with a gulped.

It was neither the Captain nor the First Officer standing in front of the landing pad.

In fact-it was the both of them together-staring at him with confused stares.

Scotty blinked once…

He blinked twice…

He instantly blamed this madness on too much whiskey and closed his eyes longer this time hoping that it was indeed the case and open his eyes again.

The same figure still stood there.

'Fascinating,' Scotty heard Kirk/Spock whatever said.

That's when he panicked.

'Oh bloody hell!' he yelled in shock.

Scotty punched the intercom button with more force than it was necessary.

'DR. MCCOY!' he bellowed into the intercom.

'GET YESELF TO THE TRANSPORTER ROOM NOW!'

* * *

If Scotty was freaking out, it was nowhere as epic as the confusion and uncertainty facing both the men currently encapsulated in the same body.

Jim Kirk can clearly remember when he was caught by the beam and of landing in the transporter pad for a split second before he felt again the nothingness of transportation and then…

He found himself knowing exactly what Spock is thinking and feeling and…

[DAMN…]

[Adequately put Captain though I myself personally do not agree with the usage of excessive profanity]

Kirk heard Spock-no-he felt Spock saying it inside of his head.

He tried a theory he had in his mind.

[Yes Captain, your deduction is indeed accurate. Although we appear to be sharing the same body, our thoughts remained separate. As a matter of fact Captain, I know exactly what you are thinking currently.]

The Vulcan's reply to his supposedly unsaid thoughts confirmed everything Kirk wanted to know. But he still has one more question to ask…

[Hey Spock, since you can read my mind, how come I can't even read anything from you at all. I mean I caught some of your thoughts earlier but I don't get anything apart from what you're giving me now]

[Very astute observation Captain. I commend your calmness given the current circumstances but I am a Vulcan and we can shield our thoughts from unwanted prying]

Kirk felt an increased in irritation at that smug answer.

'But that's not fair Spock!' he had voiced his displeasure aloud.

Spock graced him no answer either verbally or in thoughts.

That had irked him even more.

_To be Continued…_

**Ok, that's it for now folks. I am currently still in the midst of writing my other fic 'Star Trek: First Contact' but this idea had popped in my head and would not leave me alone until I started writing. I'll probably update this slower than First Contact but this won't take longer than 3-4 chapters (I hope).**

**So please let me know if I should continue or not.**

**Reviews and Constructive Criticisms Welcomed! **


	2. The Doctor Knoweth

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: I am ordering my *own* Spock and Kirk with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce please.**

**Summary: McCoy gets in the know. Eventual K/S.**

**A/N: I *know* I said 3-4 chapters last posting but er, I kinda realised that I like to lengthen things and well, let's just say it'll finished when you see 'The End' eventually. **

**A very BIG thank you to all the reviewers who inspired me to continue!**

**To spork_pinto : That is *EXACTLY* the photo that inspired me! Ain't that HOT or what? They're not two-headed THANK GOODNESS! (XD)**

**Chapter Two: The Doctor Knoweth**

Today had been a long and gruelling day for one Chief Medical Officer, Doctor Leonard McCoy. Thanks to the Klingon's super twitchy trigger happy fingers he was bombarded with A LOT of not functioning bodies all over his sickbay.

He had been covered up to his elbows with blood, sweat, tears and an extra dose of grumble.

He was barking orders all over Sickbay terrorising Sickbay crews with threats of intestinal disembowelment if they had dared as so much as display any form of incompetence.

So convincing was he that no one dared to even question how illogical such threat is.

Even the patients had been terrified by him.

Nurse Chapel had been the first casualties to the Doctor's foul mood. All she did was asked him if he needed extra hand to help with the tricky surgical procedure he was currently involved with.

Admittedly it was a rather stupid question to ask and ultimately the unfortunate Nurse had fallen victim to McCoy's infamous grouch attack.

It has been the poor girl's first mission aboard the Enterprise too.

In the end, there had been no fatal casualties although the Sickbay is currently holding a choir for the various symphonies of voices moaning and wailing in agony.

And now, after all those terribly long hours of _darkness and despair_, McCoy was proud to say that he and the Sickbay crew had done well.

The Doctor figured he has a caused for a celebration and had brought out his finest Saurian Brandy to savour.

He poured himself a small glass and had settled himself comfortably into his favourite chair to savour the drink when…

The intercom beeped followed by a frantic yell from Scotty.

'DR. MCCOY. GET YESELF TO THE TRANSPORTER ROOM NOW!'

_God Damn IT!_

Can't anybody drink in peace around here?

The Doctor had half a mind to ignore Scotty when he suddenly remembered that Scotty was in the transporter room to beam up the Captain and First Officer.

Uh oh.

McCoy has a bad feeling about this.

* * *

To say that Jim Kirk is not a happy camper would be a tremendous understatement.

At the moment, he was tired, annoyed and he has a smug Vulcan who is not only sharing a body with him but is currently reading his mind, feelings and exasperation.

All without permission too.

He had steadily been sending mental equivalent to a stern glare at the Vulcan as he felt the intense amusement Spock was projecting through the mind link.

Hard as he tried, he had been unable to decipher Spock's thought.

The heightened irritation that knowledge brought to him was proportional to the amusement Spock was feeling.

Obviously his First Officer is having a great time at his expense.

Somehow, Kirk had thought that Vulcan's are not one to take advantage of an unfortunate situation.

Apparently he was absolutely wrong.

He is extremely aware that Spock is so able to read whatever his thoughts are now like an open book.

Plus Scotty's open mouthed agape at him/Spock is very, very unnerving too.

After the intelligent response Scotty had displayed earlier for contacting Dr. McCoy, the Scotsman had since been reduced to the mutely shocked individual staring at him/Spock now.

Even though the Captain truly understood the reason for this unprofessional conduct (after all, it's not everyday that you get to witness such a freaky accident), it is still so very annoying and degrading and he deserves respect as a Captain DAMNIT…

Uh oh.

Kirk suddenly realised two things:

One: he was whining like a _girl_

Two: Spock obviously had heard everything

He tried to stop his train of thought immediately.

DAMNIT.

It doesn't help that his First Officer had chosen there and then to formulate a reply.

[Your reaction to the matter at hand Captain had been less than illogical]

[Why thank you Spock]

Really he couldn't stop the sarcasm even if he wanted to.

Spock was about to reply (Kirk can feel it in his mind) when a distraction in the form of a personnel in Blue Science Uniform entered the room.

'WHAT THE HELL?'

McCoy had strode into the room fully expecting a catastrophe (didn't that always occur when Kirk and Spock are around) and he was not to be proven disappointed.

'J-Jim? And that you Spock?' McCoy stuttered the moment he set eyes on him/Spock.

McCoy promptly joined Scotty in the Mute From Total Shock Fan Club.

Wow.

Jim felt an inexplicable pride in his ability to render the likes of Dr. McCoy speechless.

Beside him, inside him?- eh whatever-…Kirk felt Spock projecting the same feeling as he.

Well then.

At least Kirk realised that they do agree on _something_.

Somehow that realisation made him incredibly_ happy_.

Spock was the one to formulate a reply to McCoy's amazed outbursts.

[Very good observation Doctor. I knew you had it in you]

That snapped the good Doctor out of his shocked stupor fast.

'I know that's you Spock!' he bristled.

Another wow.

Did Bones really know him that well as to enable him to make that deduction?

_To Be Continued…_

**Gawd, I know there is no K/S and the good stuff yet- I do like them slow building, no? It'll be up and running in the NEXT chapter folks. So stay tuned!**


	3. A Rose By Any Other Name

**Captain Spirk**

**Summary: Crack. An intermission to the actual K/S. **

**A/N: To ALL REVIEWERS-TYVM! I really, really appreciate all the comments. And Alerters ahoy-thank you!**

**To spork_pinto: Man, did you crawl inside my head and read my mind? (XD) You seem to know what I have in mind. I'm plotting something evil for them. This plot has so many potential possibilities that I'm having a hard time deciding the best ways to torture them. LOL.**

**Chapter Three: A Rose By Any Other Name **

Dr. McCoy is proud to say that he is a person who can recover his wits very fast.

This claim was demonstrated by his immediate recovery after his initial shock of seeing his Captain/First Officer hybrid in the transporter room earlier.

Scotty-the poor thing-on the other hand was still recovering from severe shock.

The incident had incrementally proven McCoy's mistrusts of transporters.

And now here he was in one of the quarantined sections of Sickbay with his er, Commanding Officers trying to decipher the way out of this mess.

Despite the seriousness of the situation (no REALLY this is serious), the Doctor find it all somewhat hilarious.

He forced himself not to laugh.

After all, this hybrid is both his Commanding Officers combined.

Spock is a Vulcan and could render five adult males senseless with a pinch and Kirk is no slouch in the pain inflicting department either.

The Doctor does have some self-preservation instinct left.

So he tried really, really hard not to laugh.

McCoy stared at the Blue eyes looking back at him intently.

His eyes travelled across the plane of the chiselled face to take in the dark mess mop of hair (dark like Spock's but styled like Kirk's), curiously Human thick sculpted brows, the intense gaze, the lips, the square jaw line…

The crossed look sent his way.

Oops.

'Quit staring Bones'

That was the Captain speaking.

There's no way Spock would talk like that.

But really if this hybrid Kirk/Spock isn't a good mix of the both of them…

DAMN IT MCCOY-FOCUS!

Unfortunately, the good Doctor is fighting a losing battle.

His mind had caught onto a very interesting but incredibly non pertinent question.

What should he call them?

Honestly, it's getting tiresome calling them Kirk/Spock whatever.

'I need a name I can refer to the both of you while you are temporarily stuck,' he began boldly and seriously.

He epically failed to convey the 'serious' part of his words.

Kirk/Spock whatever is now staring at him curiously.

'Bones,' a warning from Kirk.

'Really Doctor,' that was Spock.

Somehow, they had managed to say it

Although sharing a mouth meant that it's a race for the words to come out.

Kirk apparently won that race.

After all he only did say only ONE word compared to Spock who voiced two.

Oh well.

And McCoy found it extremely taxing to keep it all in:

He grinned WIDELY thoroughly enjoying himself.

'Yes, let's see what names I can come up with,' he began warming up to this silly idea.

'Ok-since you're the Captain Jim, your name should come first,'

Both Kirk and Spock shared bad feelings about this.

'Aha, I got it- this is a good one!' McCoy exclaimed triumphantly, eyes glinting evilly.

Kirk groaned inwardly, Spock was sending out signals of curiosity.

'You're 'Kirk' and 'Spock' and that spelt- KOCK!'

'KOCK!

OH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

An uproarious uncontrollable laughter engulfed the country Doctor the moment the words escaped from his lips.

And he promptly fell to the floor in a dead faint after 'KO-er, Kirk/Spock whatever had nerve pinched him.

* * *

Kirk/Spock watched the crumpled figure that is McCoy as it lay on the ground.

[I think you over-reacted for a bit Spock]

Spock does not reply verbally but Kirk can sense the satisfaction he is emanating.

[Who would've guess that you're a sadist, Spock]

[You are mistaken Captain. It was not me who chose to nerve pinch the Doctor]

Spock sounded infuriatingly confident of his statement.

That triggered the rebellious nature in Kirk's blood.

[Oh really. Are you implying that it was me who made you did it?]

[I do not imply Captain. It was indeed your decision]

[And how exactly do you know that?]

Kirk challenged although he absolutely am sure of the ensuing answer.

[I can sense your curiosity about the effectiveness of the nerve pinch on Dr. McCoy and I simply demonstrated it for you]

Kirk felt himself cringed at that answer.

Oh dear.

Only a few hours after finding themselves stuck-literally-to each other; they're already arguing like an old married couple.

Spock doesn't miss a beat.

[Your thoughts as usual Captain, are incredibly illogical]

[Shut up Spock]

_To be continued…_

**Ok this was nonsensical but I just had to do it! **

**Review/Thoughts/Comments: They're all Welcomed!**

'


	4. Is There Method To This Madness?

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: Yeah they're mine alright when I die and enter heaven.**

**Summary: Finding a way out of this mess is a chore in and of itself as Kirk/Spock found out.**

**A/N: Thank you EVERYONE for your kind words and encouragement! **

**MirrorFlower and Darkwind save the sharks spork_pinto Phantomsnow BlackMetalHeart **

**Girafe13 rose taylor titania took**

**Chapter Four: Is There Method To This Madness?**

Today is the day when Kirk with the approval of Spock decided that they needed a solution to this madness and they need it NOW.

Therefore, they had call upon the Command Crew for a meeting in the briefing room to put their heads together (not in the Kirk/Spock way though) to come up with a SOLUTION.

Sulu, Uhura, Chekov had all showed up and did the obligatory staring that used to drive Kirk up the wall.

God, he knows that he is very, very handsome and stuff (don't call me vain damnit!).

And now combined with Spock's Vulcan exoticness; _**UBER HOT**_ would be about the right word to describe him/Spock physically.

I mean come on-the first thing Kirk did when he saw a mirror was to get a good look.

Who can blame him?

Hey, even Spock had to admit that the most logical description to their combined masculinity is 'VERY PLEASING AESTHETICS CAPTAIN'.

Well now.

Who would dare challenge Mr. Super Science Officer in observation?

Exactly.

He'd have no trouble falling in love with himself (Not VAIN-thank you very much) so he's given to allow his Command Crew a good ogle for a minute or so before clearing his/Spock's throat.

'AHEM,'

They'd gotten the message immediately and averted their gazes elsewhere.

But that was not the end of it.

Sulu, Chekov and Uhura have decided to discuss him/Spock now.

In hushed whispers.

Kirk caught the words 'Spirk, Spork or something resembling 'Kock' in their conversation.

He can feel his blood beginning to boil in embarrassment.

But wait.

Hey, normally he wouldn't have been able to hear that sort of hush hush conversations from this distance.

Hm.

Obviously he had also inherited a very keen sense of hearing (apart from the hotness-_ohlala_!) thanks to Spock's Vulcanoid capability.

Well, maybe this stuck to his First Officer lark isn't so bad after all.

Whoops.

Did Spock manage to catch that?

From the part amused/part curious thought Spock is sending him apparently he had.

[Seriously, can it get more awkward than this?]

[Apparently it can Captain]

Damnit.

And McCoy and Scotty were still no shows.

* * *

A few moments later, they are still waiting for the Doctor and Engineer.

Perhaps McCoy is still angry.

Somehow the news of the nerve-pinching had reached the crew like the wild-fire and almost everyone is curious to get a glimpse of the Captain/First Officer.

It was a challenged getting into the Briefing Room without being noticed. (Kirk finally understood what it must felt like to be a member of the Beatles. Yes The Beatles. Kirk has good tastes in music)

Personally Kirk suspected Bones himself who had spread the rumour in retaliation.

Speaking of the Doctor, if you researched the meaning of 'royally pissed' in the dictionary; you'll find Bones' face gracing the page.

Apparently, nerve-pinching is not the Doctor's favourite experience.

After, he had regained consciousness, Bones had proceeded to throw dirty looks at him/Spock every few seconds or so.

And now here they all are doing a pointless exercise of 'solve the puzzle' that no one seemed to be participating in.

Still no sign of Doctor and Chief Engineer.

Kirk had wanted to fidget but Spock wouldn't allow it.

He'd been getting tired of sitting so straight and still.

How in the world does Spock do it?

Damn, Vulcan grace.

[Spock, this isn't working]

[Indeed Captain. We should endeavour to get the crew to be cooperative or we shall sit here for all eternity without any action decided upon.]

[Ideas to get them to take this seriously Spock?]

[None at the moment Captain]

[Well, isn't that useful]

[Thank you Captain]

[Damnit Spock-this is serious!]

[So am I Captain]

This is getting ridiculous.

Not only are the crew's behaviours bordering on insubordination; apparently Spock had chosen to practise the art of being a _bastard_ in the middle of a crisis.

Kirk cursed the day and the storm and everything that had led to this ludicrous situation.

[May I remind you Captain, how…]

[Illogical cursing is. Yes, I get it Spock]

[Surely not Captain since you insists on using colourful metaphors every time a crisis arises]

[Well thank you Spock. Why don't you try to come up with a useful suggestion instead?]

[That is what I always endeavour to do Captain]

God, is Spock trying to drive him insane with this incessant argument?

Where is the loyal, non-argumentative, _logical Vulcan_ First Officer of his when he needed him?

[A most illogical question Captain; you know absolutely well that I am right here]

If anyone was checking Kirk's level of stress at the moment it would read: _**DANGER OVERLOAD.**_

And for the 1000th times today (or so it seemed) Kirk uttered the most overrated phrase of the day:

[Shut up Spock]

As Kirk and Spock were preoccupied with arguing amongst themselves (isn't that plain bipolar?), they cease to notice that _FINALLY_ the crew had decided to be serious and pay attention to the matter at hand.

Only to find their Captain/First Officer whatever sitting rigidly, eyes glazed and unresponsive.

'Er, Captain?'

'Mr. Spock?'

'Anybody home?'

Chekov waved a hand in front of the unblinking eyes.

No response.

All together now: LET'S PANIC!

'God, they're not responding!'

'Somebody call Dr. McCoy!'

It was going to be a miniature mass hysteria in the making when on cue:

Said Doctor had chosen that very moment to make his grand appearance.

With a grim expression in tow (he still ain't forgiving 'KOCK' for their mistreatment of him) followed by a pale-faced Scotty.

Thank God the Chief Engineer has recovered his wits well enough to join the fun.

Or not.

_To be continued…_

**Is it wrong to have too much fun at Kirk's expense? (XD). **

**Plus some naughty things our good Captain can come up with in the next chapter!**

**Stay tuned!**

**Reviews/Thoughts/Comments/Constructive Criticisms**


	5. Where Have All The Sanity Gone?

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: Really now. Yes. They're mine. No. I'm not sharing. KTHXBYE. **

**Summary: The solution revealed? And awkward situations abound (:D) cutting to the slight seriousness near the end.**

**WARNING: A bit of K/S craziness near the end. Nothing too graphic or serious but just thought I should mention it. So if this isn't your thing then: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?**

**OK. That is all. The rest of you BRAVE SOULS can proceed now.**

**A/N: A BIG SMOOCHIE AND THANKS TO ALL THE LOVELY REVIEWS AND SUPPORT! Keep e'm coming!**

**Chapter Five: Where Have All the Sanity Gone?**

Dr. McCoy wondered if a bad week is about to get any worse.

He had just fetched or rather dragged Scotty from the Engineer's quarters where Scotty had been recuperating after the whole transporter ordeal.

The Doctor was finally satisfied that Scotty is not bound anymore to collapse in fits of hysterics every time the words: Captain, Mr. Spock, Transporter and Hybrids are mentioned.

It was admittedly very bad when Scotty finally recovered from the MUTE FROM TOTAL SHOCK SYNDROME.

He was yelling incessantly about ghosties and ghoulies and other nonsensical things that terrified nearly half of the crew.

McCoy and the security team had had to haul him into Sickbay and tied him to the nearby post to stop him from going berserk.

The amount of terror and tranquilizer he had used to calm Scotty alone nearly depleted his entire stock.

But the moment Scotty demanded for whiskey the Doctor knows he was cured cause, oh yeah whiskey-for some unknown reason- was one of those words that would drove Scotty to go bat-shit insane when uttered.

Now finally, the Engineer had gone back to his usual normal self although still somewhat pale.

They are on their way to Briefing Room 1 because 'KOCK' (he insists on calling them that personally) had called for a meeting with all the Heads of Departments to discuss uh, some important issues regarding the ship.

Yeah, right.

McCoy knows what the actual crisis actually is of course.

So after having to persuade (threatened might be near the mark) Scotty to join them; the CE is still traumatized, they're here and the door swished open:

To what appeared to be a beginning of a pandemonium.

Chekov, Sulu and Uhura are apparently participants of the ensuing insanity.

'What the hell happened here?' McCoy asked not really wanting to know the answer.

They promptly pointed to the unresponsive Captain/First Officer.

It's just his freaking luck lately.

If it wasn't crazy Klingons it would be some other crazy person out to ruin his day.

Currently it seemed it's the season for crazy colleagues overload.

The Doctor rolled his eyes.

Since McCoy knows that there is nothing mortally wrong with them personally, he would have preferred to leave them at it.

After all, they still owe him big time for the nerve-pinching (Damn you 'KOCK'!).

But well, he is after all, a Doctor not a torturer so he decided to help.

'Up and at it GENTLEMEN!'

No response.

He waved a hand in front of the still face.

No response.

'Er, I already tried that Doctor.'

A smart aleck hm…

McCoy turned an evil glare to the responsible person.

Chekov closed his mouth with a snap.

OK then.

'RED ALERT! KLINGON ATTACK!'

Yeah that ought to do the trick.

And it did.

The eyes blinked and…

'GUH!'

'Where's the attack?'

GOD-DAMNIT!

'Get off me!!!'

Apparently the Doctor was the victim of stampeding Kirk/Spock (KOCK!) hybrid who had been suitably alerted by McCoy's screamed.

McCoy wondered what he had done in his past life to make him deserve all this craziness.

* * *

So when everything had settled down (NO! We are NOT under attack) and McCoy had recovered his wits (he seemed to be losing it a lot lately), the meeting FINALLY took place.

It took them nearly an hour just to settle on the actual account of what really happened on that fateful transporter incident.

Scotty had been very eager to share his experience and he had very good listeners and it would have gone on and on until Kirk/Spock whatever had had to threatened all of them with threats of court-martial from insubordination.

None of them took the threat seriously however.

And the meeting went on for a very long time.

After everyone had eventually contributed (mostly useless) suggestions and comments; Sulu suggested meditation and acupuncture which Spock found to be 'fascinating' while Kirk decided it to be ridiculous (Kirk hated meditations_ and_ needles!) they finally derived to the thus conclusions:

The good news is: Kirk/Spock whatever is in good health physically (mentally still undetermined) and that their anatomies and physiologies had inexplicably been fused so perfectly that they appear to be normal.

The bad news is: They have no idea how to separate them.

Which is kind of the point of the meeting in the first place.

Doom.

Scotty (really, really not his lucky day either) had been tasked to seek for the answer.

The prognosis isn't good.

* * *

Curiosity.

Everything that Human had achieved so far had begun with the simple act of curiosity.

Currently Kirk is curiously fixated with his/Spock's chest.

After the meeting was over, they had gone back to Kirk's quarters (ooh) to get themselves clean.

They had argued about what kind of shower to take (sonar/water) that Kirk had won (it's great to be the Captain at a time like this).

Spock had responded with the Vulcan equivalent of a sulk.

He had clammed up and refused any thoughts or feelings to filter to Kirk at all.

Effectively Kirk had been given the silent treatment.

They had showered in silence and Kirk tried really hard to restrain himself from thinking or doing anything embarrassing.

But he found that that his wall of restrain (Kirk? RESTRAINED? HAHAHAHAHA!!!) is about to crumble.

He found himself mesmerized by the chest.

Yes that's right.

The chest.

He ran a hand down the muscled chest feeling the softly tufted hair covering it.

Correction:

Kirk ran a hand slowly in a near caress (or was it a blatant one?) down the muscled chest and enjoying the feel of the softly tufted hair covering it.

Beside him, inside him (no-don't go there Kirk), Spock's thoughts are a jumble.

_Which is extremely unnatural for Spock._

Kirk obviously noticed this and resumed his current extra-curricular activity.

_Slow and sensually._

Oh yeah.

Payback time for the incessant teasing Spock had done to him earlier.

Now, who's yer daddy Spock?

[What are you doing Captain?]

Now, now-isn't that a slight slur in that speech?

[Admiring my own beauty Spock]

Let it not be said that James T. Kirk can't do devious like the best of them.

[That is my chest Captain]

[Oh yeah?]

[Yes]

[How can you be so sure?]

[The many number of times I have seen you flaunting yourself bodily in front of the crew. I have observed that you do not possess of any hair follicle around the chest in all those sightings]

Kirk found himself to be very interested in that observation.

[Oh? So you were paying attention then Spock?]

No response either verbally or mentally.

[Auw c'mon-you're no fun Spock]

[This isn't supposed to be 'fun' Captain]

A paused before Spock added as if it was an afterthought:

[And I would prefer it if you cease with the touching]

WOW.

Definitely a slur this time.

[Auw why not Spock?]

[Because it is not appropriate behaviour Captain]

Kirk can feel Spock squirming uncomfortably.

He loves making Spock squirm.

So he continued with his ministrations.

[I said stop it, Captain]

[Oh come on. Don't tell me you don't enjoy it, Spock]

[I do not 'enjoy' such things. SIR]

What's this?

Denial eh?

We'll see about that.

Kirk proceeded to slowly lead his hand to trail southwards.

To the groove of the navel.

_A tease here. _

_A caress there._

_A touch everywhere…_

Well, Kirk _is_ Seduction personified (if he does say so himself).

His boldness grew at the pleasure he can clearly sense the Vulcan is emanating and he grinned devilishly at the bold and utterly foolish attempt to conceal it.

[Give it up Spock]

[I Do…Do not understand your meaning Captain]

[Incoherent Mr. Spock?]

No answer.

Alright.

Time to play dirty.

Literally and Metaphorically.

Kirk directed his/Spock's WHATEVER fingers still southwards until he reached an area where…

[NO CAPTAIN!]

Apparently Spock had decided that enough is enough and stayed the hand Kirk is using at the wrist with the other hand.

Uh, this is like so awkward.

[Let go Spock]

Kirk is annoyed that Spock could be such a spoilsport.

[I am no such thing Captain and I demand you to cease with this FOOLISHNESS]

Slap.

Auw.

That kinda hurt Kirk's ego a bit.

And yes, he has a DAMN big one.

Ego, that is not er, never mind.

'But it's my body too!' Kirk protested aloud.

'Maybe. But you are taking advantage of the situation Captain,' Spock said equally stubbornly.

Kirk is angry, he is so very angry at Spock right now that he could just…

[Just what Captain? Do finish with your trail of thoughts]

Damn Spock and his Vulcan ego.

Apparently Spock's is BIGGER than Kirk's.

EGO THAT IS.

Suddenly as their eyes locked into the mirror image of themselves in the mirror, soberness entered Kirk's subconscious.

Looking at him/Spock through the mirror now; the image proved to be simultaneously candid and creepy at the same time.

It looked like an insane person trying to reason with himself.

The image looked crazy.

Uh oh.

Suddenly Kirk stopped all the ministrations as a single most terrifying thought flew across his mind and bounced to Spock's side of the shared consciousness.

'What if we can never be separated?'

_To Be Continued…_

'**Kay that was rather awkward huh? So how did it go?**

**Should I attempt more of this not-so-innocent encounter between these two?**

**REVIEW/COMMENT/C** **ONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM WELCOMED!**


	6. A Little Less Conversation

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: I own a pet tribble named Spirky.**

**Summary: Psychological evaluation with Dr. McCoy = Fun…NOT!**

**A/N: Oh my, I am so TERRIBLY SORRY for the delay in this posting. Life's been kinda hectic (raising a baby daughter does that to you-sigh) and couldn't find the time to write. I'll try to post as regularly as I can (promise!) and THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for all the lovely reviews and support you guys. I've gotten the most review for the Chapter 5 and I think I do know why (XD), but really: THANK YOU. Can't say that enough.**

**I personally think that this chapter is a bit lacking on the humour. But I'm just getting warm up for the juicy chapter next! (heheh)**

**Please enjoy!**

_**Chapter 6: A Little Less Conversation  
**_

Scotty swears that he will be emotionally scarred for life.

Even now he is still having nightmares about that fateful (bloody unnatural!) transporter incident.

He initially thought that he should attend counselling and therapy to get over his fright (and what a fright it was too).

That was until he caught the over eager look upon Doctor McCoy's face the moment he entered Sickbay.

The Doctor was wearing the same look that Scotty had imagined the Tudors' sported when they have a mind to torture or behead someone (Scotty is a private history buff) and decided that he valued his private life and dignity thank you very much.

Bloody hell, even the wrath of Henry the VIII was kinder than this!

Having nightmares about two-headed commanding officers was a much more preferable fate than surrendering his soul to the in depth psychological analysis by Doctor McCoy.

Scotty was only saved by the urgent call he received from Engineering.

Talk about good timing.

He'd have to thank the crew for that save with a bottle of Scotch later.

He excused himself in an instant (without even asking permission).

He'd tried to hide his relieve from the irritated Doctor but was only partially successful.

As Scotty made a hasty dash for freedom from the long 'counselling' session McCoy had arranged to rectify any psychological damage from the stresses of recent events, a forlorn figure stood by the door and is slowly inching towards the exit and…

'AHEM!'

'Where do you think you're going?'

Doom.

McCoy had spotted his/Spock feeble escape attempt.

And the Doctor is not pleased.

Uh oh.

'Well, since Scotty had decided to flee the room-I'd catch him for a personal session later-I can solely divide my full attention to your psychological evaluation.

Kirk groaned inwardly and Spock feigned nonchalance.

[We're in for it now Spock. He's in a foul mood]

[When does Doctor McCoy not in a foul mood Captain?]

Kirk had to agree that Spock had a point but now they needed a plan.

If they are to get out of here with their dignities intact.

Or rather, with his own intact, or whatever Kirk.

[We'd need cooperation to get away from this alive, Spock]

[Alive? You do not mean that the Doctor would wish to have us slain Captain]

Kirk felt a little bug called annoyance climbed all over him again.

OK. Stay calm Kirk.

Let's try this again.

Because right now, he_ really_ needed Spock to be cooperative.

[Spock just look at him. He'd try to force every single trauma from your childhood until whenever just for the sake of it! Do you really want him to know about your sexual preference and that kinda nonsense?]

Spock contemplated Kirk's words carefully.

Eventually he agreed.

[I do believe you have a point Captain. We shall work together to prevent Doctor McCoy from asking us unnecessary information not pertinent to our condition]

Kirk felt his heart soared.

Hey they do agree on some things.

And he had decided that made him _REALLY_ happy.

'AHEM.'

Apparently Bones is very determined to be annoying today.

Incredibly so is Spock.

'Are you having trouble with your larynx Doctor? I would suggest one of those throat lozenges to remedy the condition.' Spock intoned calmly.

McCoy's eyes narrowed.

Spock was deadpanned about the entire situation.

And even though Kirk thought that Spock had just worsened the situation with his smart aleck remark, Kirk could not help but laugh.

Because a sarcastic Spock is inexplicably-to him anyway-extremely adorable.

Don't ask him why.

But he laughed.

Since Spock is unfortunately/fortunately sharing a body with him, the Vulcan was similarly forced to laugh as well.

'HAHAHAHA!!!-Stop it Cap-OH HAHAHAHAHA! Stop!'

Obviously Kirk was laughing and Spock was trying to stop him.

From an outsider looking in; it definitely looked insane to say the least.

McCoy was of course, the witness to the whole incident.

Knowing Bones, Kirk is absolutely positive that this incident will stored to be used against him/Spock at a later date.

'Alright, stop laughing Jim! And I supposed you'd learned a lesson for your smart mouth eh Spock?'

That calmed Kirk down and he felt Spock beside him/inside him (REALLY don't go there Kirk) reigned in his emotion as well.

Hm.

Spock?

Emotion?

Oh no.

Suddenly he felt rather sorry for the Vulcan; having to experience such a release of emotion that is otherwise foreign for him.

Hey contrary to popular beliefs Kirk is not entirely a bastard.

[Sorry Spock]

Kirk tried to imagine wrapping his affection in a ball and sending it to Spock.

Seriously, never be said that J.T.K can't do sweet either.

[Apologies are illogical Captain, but I accept it]

What didja know…it worked too.

He felt Spock's amusement and gratitude in their link.

And Kirk felt his heart soared AGAIN.

'Really, if you're both not going to start paying attention, we could be here all day.'

CRASH.

Kirk's soaring heart just plummeted.

DAMNIT!

'Gee, thanks Bones,' Kirk said.

Gosh.

[Captain, why are you thanking Doctor McCoy?]

Kirk sighed inwardly.

[Never mind Spock]

And thus begins the counselling session according to Doctor Leonard McCoy.

Or rather the interrogation session to Kirk/Spock.

They (meaning Kirk/Spock whatever) take turns answering questions asked by the Doctor.

Basically it went rather like so:

Dr. McCoy: What is your favourite colour?

Kirk: Erm, blue? I mean everyone likes the colour blue right?

McCoy snorted at the answer.

Dr. McCoy: That's a very boring and unimaginative answer Jim. I expected more from you. Spock?

Spock: Yes Doctor.

Silence.

McCoy: Answer my question please.

Spock: You have not asked me one Doctor.

Oh dear.

Looks like the Doctor has a tough nut to crack.

McCoy (through gritted teeth): I was asking about your favourite colour Spock.

Spock: Do I really need to choose one Doctor? I do have a propensity towards several colours in fact.

Kirk sniggered inwardly; Spock is back to his calm unruffled self.

McCoy however was not amused.

But they continued:

McCoy: Just give a colour you like the most you hobgoblin.

Spock: The question is illogical Doctor; why do I need to have preference over something such as colour?

Kirk really snorted this time.

Only the sharing of a body with Spock prevented it from being manifested properly.

Spock was openly projecting amusement to him.

Kirk returned in kind, enjoying this unfamiliar rapport with the Vulcan

[You're doing awesome Spock!]

He cheered for his First Officer.

[I'm glad you approve Captain]

McCoy tried really REALLY hard to keep his cool this time.

It was a heroic effort considering the subject is Leonard McCoy.

He would've blown his top earlier but for the memory of the previous nerve-pinching.

The Doctor decided to be civil.

For now.

So on went the session:

McCoy: Fine then, be like that Spock; I'll have it on my record I will.

Silence.

McCoy rolled his eyes.

He glared at them once for effect.

It did not bring the Doctor's desired outcome.

McCoy's teeth will soon turned to powder if he persists with the continuous grinding.

McCoy: Next question.

Both K/S wondered what new ridiculousness McCoy can come up with next.

They had a thoroughly enjoyable time at the expense of the good Doctor.

But perhaps they have underestimated Bones interrogative talent.

Because the Doctor is not about to let them go so easily.

Not a chance…

_To be Continued…_

**If you have watched TOS; there are plenty of hints that the C Doctor is well aware of the true nature of the relationship between Kirk and Spock. I'm experimenting with it. This is only the beginning of the juicy stuff. I think we all know how evil Bones can be.**

**He's bad to the bones!**

**Sorry for the cheap pun.**

**Please REVIEW/CC/COMMENT!!!**


	7. Not So Lovely Bones

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: Not mine yet.**

**Summary: The psyche continues. Bones is so not going to let them go easily…but he'll make up for it. Eventually.**

**Chapter 7: Not So Lovely Bones**

Despite his gruff and grumbling nature, Dr. L McCoy is absolutely capable of compassion.

Really.

No-please don't laugh.

Although admittedly, now is not one of those 'compassionate' moments.

And Kirk/Spock (KOCK!) whatever is definitely not helping the situation any.

He'd have a report to submit to Starfleet after all damnit.

He'd thought that Spock with all his blasted logic would be well helpful enough but to no avail.

McCoy glared at KOCK! for what seemed to be the hundredth times that day.

It was normal for either one of them to be invigoratingly irksome some days or other but never at the same time.

It was painfully obvious to Bones that they are ganging up on him.

Nice to see the best team in Starfleet at work.

But not when they're working together against you.

Damnit.

But hey.

We'll see about that.

After all, like the old archaic saying goes: if you can't beat them, join them.

And he let out a sudden smile.

It was lucky or unlucky perhaps that KOCK! had not noticed the smile, having been busy congratulating each other of their success in befuddling McCoy.

McCoy grinned inwardly.

Well three can play this game.

Never underestimate McCoy's deviousness.

After all, he did know the Captain well enough.

Well enough to detect even the most private things (literally and metaphorically).

Oh, they'll pay alright.

Big time.

And then a brilliant idea filled his mind.

Of course.

Why not?

He set his most business-like face in place.

'Gentlemen: PAY ATTENTION!' he began.

The blue eyes turned towards him curiously.

OK, he's got their attention now.

Good.

'Let's continue shall we?' Bones continued.

'Shoot Bones,' came the cocky (HAH!) reply, obviously from Kirk.

The Doctor cleared his throat dramatically.

So the session continues:

McCoy: What was your personal experience with puberty like? You go first Jim.

Heh.

KOCK's face (inclusive of climbing eyebrows) reflects the ridiculousness of the question and was almost satisfying enough a reaction for the Doctor.

'I beg your pardon,' came the reply.

McCoy: Wait your turn Spock. I'm asking the Captain. Go on Jim.

Kirk: Uh… is this even relevant to psychological evaluations cos…

McCoy: It was invented by Sigmund Freud, Jim. Live with it.

Jim Kirk nearly blanched at that. Time to consult Spock.

[Is he telling the truth Spock? Or is he crapping his way to revenge?]

[Captain I do not know why Doctor McCoy would do such thing as 'crap' in this situation, but yes, indeed there was a Human psychologist by that name who was famous for his 'sexual' nature of psychological interpretation]

Kirk swore inwardly.

Damnit-the Doctor is playing dirty.

Kirk: Er, Bones, since_** you**_went through puberty yourself, you ought to know how it was like, right?

McCoy scowled.

McCoy: Yes Jim; but it's_** you**_who are undergoing psyche examination and not_** me**_. And don't try to change the subject.

Kirk: Whatever Bones.

McCoy (impatiently): Well? Answer the question Captain.

Kirk (whines): Do_** I**_ really have to?

McCoy (fingering hypo): Does it look as if you have a choice?

Kirk/Spock whatever eyed the nasty hypo warily.

They both decided that angering the Doctor now is a bad idea.

Kirk (sighing): Guess not (mutters). Er, well, y'know when I hit puberty that time hm…

[God, do I have to say this with Spock around?]

[I believe you have no choice in that matter Captain]

Damnit.

[Thanks a lot Spock, sheesh]

[You are very welcome Sir]

McCoy (waiting): Hm mm…yeah?

There really was nothing for it. So Kirk went for it.

Kirk: (In a whisper) I dreamt of er, naked girls and stuff…y'know. DAMNIT BONES! DO I NEED TO SPELL IT OUT TO YOU?

McCoy smirked again.

Oh yes, it is going _exactly_ as planned.

Time to test the water some more.

McCoy: And naked boys too I presumed?

Kirk: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

The Doctor cleared his throat that sounded suspiciously as if he was trying to smother laughter.

Kirk was aghast; especially since Spock is apparently amused and intrigued by the whole thing too.

[What are you so amused about Spock? Aren't you supposed to be on my side here?]

[I am Captain. But I do find Doctor McCoy's last remark fascinating]

[Oh yeah? And why is that huh?]

Silence.

Great. Now he'd have to deal with TWO mutineers.

Lady luck is definitely cheating on him today.

'Ahem,' it was McCoy again.

Apparently Spock is not out of trouble either.

McCoy: Spock. What was _your_ personal experience with puberty like?

Spock: The question is illogical Doctor.

McCoy's temper immediately flared at the response. Spock is definitely very talented at pushing his buttons. And wrong buttons at that.

McCoy: You know Hobgoblin, I'm the Doctor here and I demand that you answer me.

Kirk (muttering): Are you quoting Spock's words to me on the Bridge that time Bones?

McCoy: SHUT UP JIM! THAT IS BESIDE THE POINT!

Kirk eyed the hypo now being brandished threateningly and warned Spock. The Vulcan returned an acknowledgement but still insists that McCoy's question is illogical.

[Just don't push him too hard Spock; look at that hypo. And no Spock, I don't think it's wise to nerve-pinch him again either]

[Affirmative Captain, your deduction is logical]

[Why thank you Spock]

And their personal space was interrupted by an irritated voice:

McCoy: God damnit both of you. Can you keep your lovey-dovey private conversations until later when I am out of sight?

That brought them back at attention.

McCoy (barking angryly): So Spock? I'm still waiting for that answer.

Spock (deadpanned): I have yet to undergo puberty Doctor.

OH.

Now: that is indeed news to both McCoy **_and _**Kirk.

McCoy's eyes went wide and Kirk's would have too if he was not sharing a body with Spock.

McCoy: Are you saying that you're still underage Spock?

Spock: Affirmative Doctor. I have yet to come of age in Vulcan terms.

McCoy: But you **_are_** saying that in Human terms you have?

Spock: I am only aware of the Vulcan side of the matter Doctor. But if by coming of age in 'Human' terms means having vivid apparently lucid dreams about 'girls' or such that the Captain has mentioned; I am delighted to admit that I have not encountered such problems.

Oh OK.

Now that's kind of complicated.

Kirk was about to voice his question whether Uhura was aware that she had been perving on an underage Vulcan all this while when he received Spock's transmitting a very clear message through their mind link:

[I have no comment on the matter Captain]

Suddenly the table is turned. Spock is on the hot seat now.

And to Kirk's annoyance, the Vulcan has proceeded to go all 'silent treatment' on him again.

DAMN.

But hey, apparently Doctor McCoy doesn't get the mental message; so **_he_** asked.

McCoy (very, very carefully): Spock, I am not one for rumours (uh huh) but if I'm not mistaken; you are currently in a romantic relationship with Lt. Uhura. Is she aware of your, er, lack of hm, sexual maturity?

Kirk didn't deign try to pretend that he was not interested.

[Yeah Spock, that's a valid question you know]

[Captain, this is none of yours or anybody's business]

Spock (to McCoy): Such a matter is not within your jurisdiction Doctor, so I insist that you cease it.

Oops…Spock is obviously angry and what was that Kirk can faintly detect the Vulcan is emanating?

Embarrassment.

Right.

McCoy was surprisingly calm and professional (shocking!) in his questioning now. It might also be because such a matter is interesting to him as a physician. And perhaps, a little dark secret he might get from the First Officer (whatever it is) is a good evidence to use against the Vulcan in future altercations (McCoy is predicting many of this)

McCoy (very gently): Spock, I meant no disrespect by asking this. Hey this psyche is important in determining any issues that might be problematic to the fluidity of function in this ship.

Translation: Can't have our fiery Communication's Officer finding out in a shock that she's been going all paedophile all this while.

Kirk sensed a resigned countenance from Spock. And then…

Spock: If it pleases you to know _**Captain**_, I am no longer involved romantically with Lt. Uhura. And I would prefer if no more questions be asked pertaining to this matter.

Hmmph. Kirk could almost feel Spock said that.

Kirk started. He felt unexplained embarrassment crept hotly into him.

Hey.

Kirk: Why would**_ I_** be interested in finding out about it anyway?

But having offered his piece, Spock is silent and pointedly ignoring him.

BLAST IT.

Meanwhile, the Doctor is obviously thinking along the same line. Especially since Spock is definitely able to detect Kirk's part of emotional response. McCoy's psychoanalysis interests begin to peak more.

Well, well, well.

McCoy is detecting a very interesting pattern emerging. He'd have to try other methods to prove his theory and prove it he will.

Oh yes.

Now Doctor McCoy despite his gruff and certainly 'unorthodox' ways of perusing psychology knows when to admit defeat when it is clear that he isn't going to get anything more out of 'KOCK' other than a deep pain in the ass and even worse, a deep pain in the neck from being nerve pinched.

After all, he had succeeded in effectively getting back at 'KOCK' for the previous altercation. And perhaps he had dug a bit too deeply on certain 'sensitive issues too. So all in all it was a successful and 'revealing' session indeed (in the Doctor's opinion).

Bones had known even from his previous physical examination that the both of them are mentally healthy as well as physically. And despite the so-called revenge he had wanted to get from them, McCoy has called for this psyche examination to test a theory he had been postulating in his mind regarding his officers' relationships to one another.

Apparently the clues he had gathered from the Q & A had very much confirmed what he had in mind.

Well, he's going to let them come to the conclusions themselves.

Although the Doctor is quite certain that they might need a bit of a nudge in the right direction.

_To be Continued…_

_**SAY IT WITH ME: I LOVE BONES!**_

**So have *you* arrived at whatever conclusions Bones has? I mean, I have no clue on what he is aiming at and *I* am the writer (:P). But do please help me here; any suggestions on Bones' conclusions on what is going on between these two? **

***Hint Hint, Nudge Nudge***

**Till the next time!**

**REVIEWS/CC/COMMENTS ARE MOST APPRECIATED AND MUCH LOVED! (:D)**


	8. Intermission

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: If I say that they're mine, I'd be sent to a psyche exam myself so I won't.**

**Summary: Kirk thinketh…**

**A/N: ZOMG THANKS FOR THE CONTINUOUS SUPPORT: **_**BlackMetalHeart**_** (Darling-thank you!), **_**Girafe13 **_**(You get me girl! WINK), **_**MirrorFlower and DarkWind **_**(More Bones next chapter!), **_**sporkpinto**_** (Yep, that's so cool right? Everyone wants a piece of Spock (XD)), **_**rose taylor**_** (It'll get worse fro them before it gets better I supposed!)**

**Chapter 8: Intermission**

James Tiberius Kirk tried to recall the day when madness was not part of his daily calendar. Unfortunately, he really could not recall any because his life has been kind of interesting and weird ever since the day he was born.

Heck, it was a literal space madness happening the day he was born.

So let's just say that he's very used to all this stuff and he knows how to handle them. Until now that is because no matter how crazy things were for him in the past, nothing could prepare him for the (seemingly) perpetual insanity he had to endure ever since that unfortunate transporter incident.

Seriously, consider the facts:

_1. He is currently sharing a damn (HOT) body with his First Officer_

_2. Said First Officer can read his mind but unfairly had properly shielded his own from Kirk's extra-sensory perception (hey Kirk was very gifted this way)_

_3. He had just returned from Bones' psyche examination with only a shred of dignity left_

_4. And most alarming of all; he actually just discovered some very disturbing things (regarding himself and Spock) from the dreaded session._

Damn Bones and his blasted Freudism or whatever it is called.

And to add salt to injury, Spock had been effectively ignoring him after he'd dropped his '_I'm still pre puberty guys'_ bombshell earlier.

Now really, Kirk had been thawing really hard at the damn-fricking wall the Vulcan had erected for himself for the past two days to no avail. He had tried to charm (not very successful where Spock is concern), bribe ('Illogical Captain') and threatened his way to get Spock to open up but success was limited and Kirk is well damn freaking tired.

After all, it was hard enough living in your own mind when you are a (almost) bona fide genius; sharing a mind with a (definite) genius who can shield thoughts can be pretty exhausting.

He sighed audibly and settled himself onto the bed when Spock refused to answer him yet again.

'Hey Spock,' he called.

No answer.

'How long are you planning on ignoring me?'

No answer.

[Seriously Spock, what are you twelve?]

He felt Spock's thoughts shifting around him. And then…

[You know absolutely well that I am significantly older than that Captain]

Ah, yes FINALLY the ice is broken.

Kirk grinned inwardly.

[So Spock, what are you so mad at me about?]

A pause.

[I am not angry at you Captain]

[Jim]

[I beg your pardon?]

[Spock, if we're going to be as close as we are now, you might as well call me Jim]

[But that is inappropriate Captain]

[Spock, we're off duty and stuff so just please, call me Jim]

Kirk felt Spock's thoughts shuffling uneasily around him.

It felt as if the Vulcan is confused and uncomfortable and Spock has never showed this side of him before.

Interesting.

'Spock,' he began patiently. 'Would it kill you to call me Jim?'

'No Cap…,' and the words trails off as Kirk send him a mental warning.

'It's Jim, Spock. Please.'

Wow Kirk…

That _almost_ sounded like begging that was.

Hm.

Kirk could swear that he felt the Vulcan relaxed suddenly and Spock consented finally.

'Very well, Jim.'

Kirk grinned absolutely widely now. Inexplicably, it felt good having the Vulcan called him so. It seems so intimate and sweet and nice and…

Hang on.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?

Kirk immediately tried to think coherently.

Spock was back to shielding his thoughts.

Again.

Strange.

Why would Spock do that?

Kirk was just about to ask the Vulcan about it when suddenly without warning the doors to the quarters slid open…

To reveal Yeoman Janice Rand in all her blond-haired, big eyed and long legged glory.

Carrying a food tray.

Much to Kirk's annoyance.

And apparently, for some reason, Spock shared the same feelings too because the spike in anger registered higher than usual.

'It better be a full-blown invasion yeoman because I didn't hear you ring the ball,' Kirk said in his most 'I am the Captain fear me way'.

She had the decency to look shameful.

'I apologise Captain, but I am here to bring your dinner. I believe you haven't had any,' she said blinking her eyes more rapidly than usual.

Kirk eyed the yeoman as she went about her way setting the table with food.

Admittedly, Rand is a beautiful woman and she has always shown great interests in him (and who wouldn't fall for the great Captain Kirk? Oh yeah Uhura apparently but in his defence, they met when he was not yet a Captain).

Yet, while there exists a physical attraction towards her, he never felt anything more. Which is decidedly strange for him because he'd used to chase after anything with skirts with many successes (again bar Uhura) but ever since the Nero incident he has been very subdued in the courting department.

At least when it comes to courting women.

NOW WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM?

Thankfully,the scent of roasted meat and potatoes wafted around the cabin and Kirk forgot his errant thoughts for a while.

Oddly, he was detecting a slight impatience that was not emitted by him.

Apparently, Rand had done setting the tables and is currently staring at him/Spock with a very enthusiastic demeanour.

Kirk felt his own annoyance crept up.

'Never seen a man before Yeoman?' he asked pointedly.

Rand blushed.

'I'm sorry Sir, or rather Sirs, I'm just finding the whole incident very er, well fascinating,' she said stammering slightly and blinking rapidly again.

'Well, yes thank you Yeoman. That is all. Dismissed,' Kirk said.

Janice didn't leave immediately.

As Kirk/Spock took a seat at the table she was still bustling around.

'Here Sir, I'll put the napkin for you,' she said as Kirk/Spock reached for the said item.

She had just put the napkin on Kirk/Spock' lap and was about to hover around some more when…

'Yeoman, that is sufficient. I believe the Captain has dismissed you earlier.'

Janice Rand froze.

For the voice was not Kirk's.

And as for the Captain, he is currently pondering the strange signal Spock is emitting through their mind link.

'Funny,' Kirk thought.

But it sure felt a lot like jealousy…

_To Be Continued…_

**Whoops…did I make the dynamic duo too mean upon poor Janice? Well, since Janice does not appear in the 2009 movie, I'd have to steal her from TOS. And honestly, that is approximately 98.8 percent of the time how Kirk treated her in TOS.**

**So I'm not being mean! See?**

**Anyway, wonder what Spock is currently feeling eh, I haven't done any POV on his part. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Bloke's a bit of a mystery and I do like him that way.**

**So please please please REVIEW/CC/COMMENT!  
**


	9. Sometimes Loneliness Is A Blessing

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: No, Nay, Not At All.**

**A/N: To all the readers who have reviewed, add this story to Favourite, add to Alert and just for having an interests in reading this: THANK YOU. I wish I have many chocolate-coated Spirks to pass to everyone! I have one but I ain't sharing (XD)**

**To sporkpinto: Darling, I'm desperate to give you a proper reply, so get an account alright? Cos you said such nice and interesting things and I can't reciprocate! It's unfair! LOL (:D)**

**Chapter 9: Sometimes Loneliness Is Blessing**

Kirk sighed as another (female) crewmember blushed in the presence of him/Spock. And somehow the blushing always involved frantic eyelashes batting (even among some of the male crewmen) that it annoyed him to no end. Also, please don't get him started on the blatant stares he'd been receiving day in and day out. Despite his narcissistic tendencies (yes, he does have that issue), even James T. Kirk gets agitated from all the attention (and not to mention admiration) he'd been getting lately.

Admittedly, in the beginning, it had been rather amusing in a way to gauge the various shocked reactions he came across. But that novelty had since worn off and now as he is sitting here in the command chair in the middle of the bridge; he is in no mood to have people gawking at him like he is a two-headed monster or something.

Furthermore, if he, Kirk had felt annoyed at all these unwanted attentions, he felt extremely sympathetic towards Spock. Kirk understands well the Vulcan's private nature and dislikes of intrusion to his personal space. It must be such a nightmare to the Vulcan to be the centre of attention and sharing the spotlight with Kirk like he is doing now.

Oh, and not to mention that Spock is unfortunately stuck to him body and mind and thankfully not the soul…

Whoa Kirk, focus.

Yeoman Rand had to classify as the worse case of them all. Even now the young woman is staring at him/Spock with some sort of a starry-eyed expression that is borderline obscene. Kirk had half a mind in having her court-martialled for sexual harassment (HAH!)already. It was amusing to him, however to find that Spock agreed to his (playful) suggestion quite willingly.

Funny.

It seemed that Spock had shown nothing towards Yeoman Rand other than a thinly veiled form of hostility. Obviously, the Vulcan had not voiced such a thing out loud nor has he openly project it to Kirk in their mind link but inexplicably Kirk just knows.

Like it was his second nature.

Very, very strange indeed.

_Why would Spock dislike Rand so much?_ He does wonder about this very much. Because it is not just recently that he had detected Spock's disapproval of the yeoman. No, as a matter of fact, if Kirk recalled correctly, the Vulcan had displayed a lack of approval of Rand ever since she started being assigned as Kirk's personal yeoman.

This fact is interesting to note really since, apart from the fact that Rand can pretty much shamelessly flirt with her Captain occasionally, she has so far performed her duties well. So logically, Spock has no reason to hate Rand. But from an emotional side of things however, Kirk could probably form a possible hypothesis.

And it is such an unlikely and not to mention_ illogical_ scenario to happen that Kirk scratched the thought as fast as it had come to him. Especially since he is well aware that the Vulcan can sense every single dang thing from him. Like all the time.

Although, apparently Spock did not find the phrase 'sharing is caring' very logical since he is still pretty much shielding his thoughts heavily from Kirk. It is so frustrating because Kirk would have been very much interested in knowing what _exactly_ is going on in that brilliant Vulcan mind of his.

Sigh.

Rand is still staring (although somewhat discreetly now if that was possible) and so do pretty much everyone else from time to time. Perhaps it was a mistake reporting in for duty in the first place. Doctor McCoy was apparently against it (and for good reasons) at the very least until the result of the psychological exam is made known. Now Kirk wished that he'd taken that advise because frankly right now he is feeling so claustrophobic and trapped. He felt a headache coming.

'Are you alright sir?' Janice asked concern. 'You don't look so good.'

With that exclamation, every pair of eyes on the bridge turned to regard Kirk/Spock with interest.

Great. Just what they need. More attention.

'I'm fine yeoman,' he had to say through gritted teeth.

Going berserk in the middle of the Bridge would just ruin crew's morale anyway.

'You look rather pale and unwell sir. Perhaps, you should get some rest. I can accompany you to your quarters,' she said and it sounded hopeful too.

Kirk caught a strangled sort of sound coming from the Communication Console. Uhura apparently had developed throat irritation _ala_ Dr. McCoy. Kirk glared at her or it might be Spock who is doing the glaring, he really could not tell, but Uhura just glared back.

Really now. _Aren't women just confusing?_ Kirk wondered how he had managed to handle them all these years.

Janice however was oblivious to the whole thing. She is now watching her Commanding Officer(s) with a hopeful look in her eyes. Kirk really has no mood to be dealing with her mother hen ways just now and so does Spock. The Vulcan had been transmitting a thought that is akin to [NO NO NO NO] throughout their interaction with the yeoman. Kirk had to agree with him.

Just then perhaps luckily the intercom on the Command Chair beeped.

'Kirk here,' he answered because he is the Captain.

It was McCoy on the other end.

'Captain and of course you too Spock, will you please come to Sickbay now. I have something to discuss with the both of you,' McCoy said.

'What is it Bones?' Kirk asked. He was not in the mood for another surprised 'psychological examination' either.

'It's confidential Jim. So if you would please come down here, I would appreciate it. Or would you prefer for the whole crew to find out?'

That peak the interests of the Bridge crew even more. Kirk was thinking of charging all of them entertainment fees.

Kirk sighed. He seemed to be doing it a lot lately.

'Alright Bones. No need to get nasty. We're on our way. Kirk out.'

Kirk/Spock stood up and ordered Sulu to take the con.

'If you need us, we'll be down in Sickbay,' he told Sulu and the Helmsman responded with an '_Aye Sir'_.

'Permission to accompany you sir,' Rand stated eagerly.

Kirk/Spock was already headed toward the turbolift.

'Denied,' Kirk said without looking at her.

Spock sends a wave of approval through their link. Kirk grinned back at him.

'At ease Spock,' he whispered to the other man as the lift hurtled slowly downwards.

* * *

Once they reached Sickbay, McCoy was already waiting.

Kirk went straight to business.

'Alright Doctor. What is it that cannot wait?' he asked.

See, the thing here is the fact that ever since the whole psyche exam fiasco, Kirk/Spock had been avoiding McCoy like the plague. And similarly the Doctor had not made any attempt to reach them either; until now that is.

McCoy put his hands up, palms outward in an unmistakable gesture of peace.

'Take it easy both of you. Have a seat,' the Doctor said motioning to the empty chair in front of him.

Kirk/Spock looked suspiciously at McCoy but complied with the request nevertheless

'Well since the both of you had been very _cooperative_ throughout the whole psyche exam, why don't I get a glass of something to drink for us,' McCoy began.

A little bit too sweetly perhaps.

After all, the 'cooperative' bit is definitely an exaggeration.

The truth is K/S (KOCK!) had nearly made the Doctor pulled out all of his hair (ouch) in anger for their sheer stubbornness.

McCoy recalled with incredible disgusts the number of times either of them had been hauled to him half-dead.

The amount of sheer panic and total chaos those moments have ignited.

But never mind that now.

Kirk/Spock trained suspicious eyes upon him.

They're definitely not about to trust McCoy that easily.

[I believe that the Doctor is setting us up to something Captain]

[I do think so too Spock]

Bones tried his splendid best to look absolutely nonchalant.

'What's the catch Bones?' Kirk asked.

Damn, if Jim Kirk isn't a perceptive one.

McCoy tried his best to smother the oncoming scowl from colouring his features.

'Look Jim. I do understand that you are perhaps still disgruntled about, ah, some personal questions asked during the exam but I assure you that it was necessary and I have the report here with me now.

The Doctor held the PADD in his hand aloft. 'Here it is.'

Both Kirk and Spock are similarly very curious and interested in the outcome of their 'torture'.

'Well, how did we do? Are we running the risks of endangering ourselves or the crew or anything else? What's the verdict Doctor; total isolation?' Kirk asked rather sarcastically and nervously if it might be added.

McCoy smiled kindly. He understood the Captain's personal fear of losing command of the Enterprise.

Remember the statement about McCoy having compassion?

'Well I'm happy to report good news for you Captain,' he said. 'And you too Hobgoblin. You're both mentally stable and fit for duty.'

Kirk felt his relief mingled with Spock's.

For a moment there, he had thought otherwise.

[We're good Spock]

He sent a warm mental note to the Vulcan through their link.

[Indeed Captain]

[Spock, you're forgetting something]

[I do not]

[You didn't call me Jim]

[….]

[Auw, c'mon Spock]

A pout.

[Your demand is illogical…Jim]

Kirk beamed and it had nothing to do with his certified healthy mental state.

'AHEM.'

McCoy had cleared his throat again.

'You did not take my advice regarding the throat lozenges Doctor. That is very illogical considering the fact that you seemed to suffer irritation of the larynx regularly.'

Apparently Spock had missed his usual banter with McCoy because Kirk can just feel him itching to challenge the Doctor to a verbal duel.

McCoy scowled.

'Why you computerized green-blooded Hobgoblin. Just because your psychological report is normal does not necessarily mean that I agree with it!' McCoy retorted.

Jim Kirk knew he had to intervene before things got out of hand.

'Gentlemen please. This is the time to celebrate not debate. I believe you were about to pour us some drink Bones?'

A moment later, the three of them (technically) because there are only one McCoy and one Kirk/Spock had settled down nursing drinks; Saurian Brandy for all of them. Spock had initially expressed reluctance in joining Bones for a drink but Kirk had wanted to spent time with someone else for a change and since Bones is back in his good books (not to mention the Doctor's peace offering of a fine brandy), he had managed to persuade Spock to stay.

[I do not care for a drink Captain]

[You don't perhaps Spock; but I do. Come on Spock, just for a little while alright]

Spock might've sighed, Kirk could not tell, but the Vulcan (although reluctantly) had acquiesced to the request.

Kirk sent a grateful mental note to him and felt Spock reciprocating with an acknowledgement.

It felt good.

They talked about nonsensical things as they drink. That is; Kirk and McCoy talked, Spock was just there and seemingly contented enough to listen to the two friends. He interrupted seldom and even McCoy (perhaps as a token of their recent peace, had left the Vulcan alone).

'Should I pour you another glass Jim? I see you've taken your time with the Brandy. It's not like you to pass on a good drink. Or is the Hobgoblin preventing you from drinking?' McCoy teased gently.

Kirk shook his head. He felt groggy suddenly and found it extremely unusual because he normally could drink anyone under the table with no trouble before. And just now, he had had only two glasses of brandy. It should not have any effect on him_ yet_. Also, he just realised that Spock had been mightily quiet for the last few minutes.

But still, he shook his head again to clear it and his suddenly blurring vision.

'Huh…' he thought.

'Spock, 'Kirk called, unaware that he is voicing it out loud.

No answer.

'Hey Spock, do you feel alright?'

Still no answer.

[Hey, what's wrong?]

And strangely, although Kirk can still sense Spock's consciousness surrounding him (he'd gotten used to it), the Vulcan seemed to be…unresponsive…or asleep... which is odd.

'Jim!'

Kirk/Spock turned to look at him and McCoy was surprised to find a confused expression written on the face.

McCoy felt his concern grew when he saw the lapse of concentration in Kirk/Spock's eyes. They could not be drunk could they? Heck, Jim Kirk is a fish and Spock's a Vulcan for goodness sake! A little alcohol would not, _should_ not caused them to be intoxicated.

'Jim!'

The Doctor had rushed to Kirk/Spock's side.

'Bo-Bones…Spock…is... maybe unwell…and I don't feel too good. Ugh,' Kirk slurred as he tried to regain his equalibrium.

It was useless.

Lucky for him that Bones was there as Kirk/Spock slumped forward in a dead faint.

_To Be Continued…_

**Uh, I honestly did not know where this plot came from. It just appeared from out of nowhere and whacked me on the head and I was just forced to write this nonsense. But I believe it is a fitting start to a rise in rating for the next chapter. I suppose I can do this, no?**

**REVIEWS/CC/COMMENTS ARE MUCH LOVED!**


	10. Bury Your Head In Sand

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: No own me.**

**A/N: THANKS THANKS AND THANKS! MUAH! **

**And please proceed with slight CAUTION. It's nothing graphic really (I can't do graphic) but just um, be kind?**

**Chapter 9: Bury Your Head In Sand**

Jim.

He heard the voice calling his name in his head.

Jim.

Kirk groaned groggily.

His eyes felt heavy and his body felt like lead (to put it mildly) and thinking is slow and sluggish.

Ugghhh…

Jim.

There's the call again.

[Spock?]

Silence.

Uh…

[Er, Spock? Are you there?]

Strangely, he knew that Spock was there and not shielding from him whatsoever.

He'd know if Spock's shielding him out.

The number of times that had occured ever since they've been stuck together.

It seemed to him that Spock is asleep?

No.

Or passed out…

Hm…

'Must be a dream,' Kirk thought inanely.

Without opening his eyes (because it seemed like a futile effort), Kirk stretched and tried to force his body to move to a comfortable position. That's when he felt a pair of very warm hands encircling his wrists; positively pinning him to the bed.

'This is no dream Th'y'la.'

A voice and warm breath on the nape of his neck.

Oh God.

Kirk's eyes snapped open.

To meet the depth of the darkest deepest void of brown smouldering eyes.

Spock's eyes.

What?

'What are you doing?' he gasped.

Instead of answering, the Vulcan swept onto the bed with liquid grace that is Vulcan-given without breaking neither eye nor hand contact; effectively rendering Kirk immobile. Kirk tried to struggle against Spock's hold just _because he can and not because he really wanted to_…

OH NO!

'Spock, let go off me!' he said desperately looking everywhere but Spock's eyes because he knows that if he stared into that gaze he would fall and never get up again.

The Vulcan did not relent. If any, his hold tightened-almost possessively. Kirk squirmed underneath the hot Vulcan body and found himself powerless against Spock's strength.

It is just so easy to give into temptation.

But apparently Jim Kirk is not made for easy.

'Stop this Spock!' he choked out with all his strength trying to stop this madness. Before it drove him _insane_ because, oh God, he truly_ wants_ and _needs_…no…

'It is illogical to deceive yourself, Captain,' Spock purred into his ears and made Kirk shudder in desire. Spock's lips ghosted on his and Kirk felt his grasp on control slip…

NO!

He tried to push Spock away from him, never mind the fact that Vulcans are much stronger than Human. He just needs to get away.

_Far, far away._

'Cease this foolishness!' Spock's voice was commanding and cold. Apparently he has had enough of Kirk's weak attempts at escape.

And before Kirk could do anything; before he could even think, Spock had claimed him in a desirous kiss. '_Give it up Jim,_' he heard his own voice commanded and that was when all reserve was dispersed and gone in that single instant.

'S-Spock,' he gasped as the Vulcan's hands began wondering all over Kirk's body, studying every contour like it was the most fascinating thing in the universe.

Garments were soon discarded to a forgettable heap on the cabin floor.

He felt Spock's warm hands encircling his waist in an unmistakable embrace and the warm Vulcan body pressed against his in a perfect fit…

Control was no longer an issue as Kirk relinquished all to Spock. Somehow only Spock is capable to render him thus; completely powerless and at his lover's mercy but Kirk did not miss being in control. Kirk might have called out in his satisfaction and he found himself uncaring if anyone had heard him.

Hazily he thought he caught a smile spread across the usually stoic Vulcan calm.

And Kirk felt contented, happy…COMPLETE.

'Sleep, Th'y'la,' Spock whispers.

Cocooned as he was within the Vulcan's protective embrace; Kirk complied willingly.

* * *

It felt like many moments later that Kirk awoke again with a start.

Huh?

He can clearly sense Spock's consciousness slumbering within his mind and he somehow, _somehow_ knows that the earlier reprieve was but a dream.

He sighed, torn between relief and frustration.

It was all but a dream.

And apparently from the feel of it; Spock was mercifully unaware of any of it.

Phew.

He'd be screwed if Spock had been able to sense and visualised what he had dreamt.

He tried to not think about it, he fears of what his First Officer would think of him if Spock found out.

Apparently though, luck was on his side.

No matter what had happened the alcohol effect was enough to throw even Spock off balance.

[Man. I wonder what Bones had spiked it with the devil]

He groaned as he tried to open his heavily lidded eyes.

Man, hangover sucks.

I'm so gonna get Bones for this ruse.

Perhaps he'd prayed too much.

His eyes eventually open to…

'GUH!'

'WHAT THE HELL BONES?'

Yep. He opened his eyes only to find himself nose to nose to the Doctor dearest.

Bones sprang away from him the moment Kirk bolted upright from his previously prone position.

'Jesus Bones,' he began.

'What do you have to do that for?'

He did his best to deliver his most stern glare at the Doctor.

And failed miserably.

That's when he noticed that Bones looked like a strange combination of someone who is struggling between nausea, bewilderment and amusement.

'Me?' the Doctor began.

'Well you're the one who seemed to be very loud in your sleep and as your physician it's my damn duty to check up on you.

Oh.

Or rather…

Oh no.

'What exactly did I said in my sleep Bones?'

Bones disgusted look partially confirmed Kirk's suspicion.

'Look Jim, I'm really sorry for offering you brandy… earlier man, cos sheesh now I'm gonna have to bleach my brains out for that mental image you'd given me.'

There is no doubt in Kirk's mind now.

Apparently McCoy had heard EVERYTHING.

Kirk tried and failed miserably to look dignified and Captain of Starship- ish to no avail; there's no fooling McCoy.

'Bones…' he began quietly.

But the Doctor cut him off.

'Really Jim, this sort of thing is crazy. Of all the people in the world you'd have the hots for you picked the Hobgoblin?

Kirk gave him a defiant look at that comment.

'This is patient-doctor confidentiality Bones.'

The Doctor sighed.

'Look Jim, I'm your friend. I'd chide you forever but I'd never out you to anyone,' he said.

Kirk relaxed slightly.

He knew can trust Bones when it matters most.

The Doctor regarded him seriously.

'Jim, you secret is safe with me man. But I supposed you don't want Spock to find out.

Kirk returned the gaze steadily.

And decided to change the subject.

'What did you do to him Bones? He seemed to be out cold. Bit too unusual for a Vulcan. As far as I know they have high alcohol tolerant.

The Doctor gave a wry smile to the question.

'Well, what do you know Jim. This is out of my normal medical judgement. The only reason I can give you is the fact that for some inexplicable reasons, the combination of your genetic materials has lowered both of your tolerant to alcohol. Somehow the effect seemed more pronounced in Spock. Obviously, I was not aware of such things from the physical exam.'

'You mean; you didn't do it on purpose for your own amusement?'

McCoy grimaced.

'You think? Look Jim, I'm a doctor, there are such things as ethics you know.'

Kirk wanted to retort a sarcastic remark to the Doctor's statement but apparently his thought patterns are severely hampered still by the brandy –not to mention the dream-although he would never admit it to Bones or to Spock.

He remembered how easily he gave into his desire in the dream. It was a weakness that he could not allow to spill into his real life.

McCoy however, saw the thoughtful look crossed his visage.

'Jim, you do know that burying your head in sand won't solve the issue here, will it?'

'What are you talking about Bones?' feigning innocence.

'You know what I mean Jim. Start facing the truth man!'

Kirk gave no reply to that.

_To Be Continued._

**A/N: I sucketh at LOVE SCENES. That is all. The end. (XP)**

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	11. Dig It In Deeper

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: As long as K/S is not considered canon, then you know I don't own.**

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the terrible delay! I was away for 2 weeks and just got back and admittedly was a wee bit lazy to write (please don't stone me?). But I'm back (Uh huzzah?) and will now keep to my normal updating speed (whatever that is).**

**Anyway, thank you SOOOOO much for all the encouraging comments received for the last chapter. I'm glad that everyone liked it! I'll be attempting to be more bold with the ahem, sexy times in the (very near) future. Let's just hope so yeah (nervous grin).**

**Chapter 11: Dig It In Deeper**

Kirk was scandalised.

Even as he lay on his back looking up the Sickbay's ceiling without really seeing it, he tried (extremely hard) to ignore Bones' ridiculous comments and the glare the good doctor is currently throwing his way.

Bones was difficult to handle even in the most normal situations when he starts on an issue and this? This is not even close to be considered 'normal'.

That is, it's not normal to Bones, whose concept of 'normal' had since been reduced to cinders ever since this whole K/S body sharing incident had happened. But Kirk personally does not see the big deal in the whole thing.

After all; it was just a dream. A _dream_, dammit and nothing else and Bones had not even known what happened in it, except for the little fact that Kirk had apparently blurted less than platonic er, words in his dream-induced conversations.

Certainly it did not help that he was actually _loud_ in his sleep and that Bones was eavesdropping.

Dammit.

'Jim, are you even listening to me?'

Blink, blink…

'Are you ignoring me Captain?'

Uh oh.

The Doctor is calling him 'Captain' and that is almost always not a good sign.

'Hm?' Kirk managed an unintelligible answer.

Bones rolled his eyes and blew an impatient breath. 'I've been dispensing advice like a good friend should for the last five minutes and what do I get in return?'

Kirk didn't miss a bit. 'You get a great, powerful and dashing friend like me Bones, you lucky bastard.'

Bones' sour expression was priceless. Although his next words stung:

'I've never thought you to be a coward before Jim. But I sure am having doubts now.'

Kirk's anger flared at that comment.

'It's none of your business Bones,' he snapped, looking at the Doctor in his most stern 'drop the subject' glare.

It was an exercise in extreme futility.

McCoy did not back down as Kirk had hoped he would. Instead the Doctor rounded up upon him, determined to shake the truth out of Kirk.

'I only care because I am your friend. And the fact remains that I hate to see you so miserable.'

Kirk felt his face reddened and knew that the conversation is about to get out of hand and that he must stop it, and fast before he let out things he does not wish to share with anyone, not even Bones.

'Shut up Bones,' definitely not his most intelligent answer. He looked away.

He expected Bones to come up with another stinging argument, even began formulating possible responses against it, but to his surprised, his friend only let out an exasperated sigh as if a balloon was being deflated.

'I know it's your damn personal business_ Captain_, and I've no right to intrude in it as long as it doesn't affect the running of this ship, but I thought that as your _friend_, I have the right to tell you when you are being unreasonably _stupid_.'

With that, Bones left the room, leaving Kirk staring in his wake.

The words hit home very efficiently like Kirk suspected Bones knew it would and it _hurts_.

And lonely contemplation was never a favourite subject for Kirk.

* * *

Spock recovered with not so much as a hangover a couple of hours later. And he was as expected properly annoyed by the whole 'drunken' incident and Kirk suspected, embarrassed by it too. Kirk was almost petrified of even thinking when Spock awoke but since the Vulcan showed no repulsive response whatsoever towards him, he'd taken that as a good sign.

Although, he did not know whether to feel relieve or disappointed. And no, normally James T. Kirk is never as indecisive as this.

As a matter of fact, bar the understandable annoyance Spock felt, the Vulcan seemed even more cheery than usual (for a Vulcan) and when Bones, wearing a grim expression entered the room to examine them, Spock responded not in dismissal (as Kirk thought he would) but had even shared a very Vulcan joke about the whole thing with a very surprised Bones.

Personally Kirk suspected the alcohol.

What else could explain the uncharacteristic cheerfulness of his First Officer? Heck, Spock even allowed the opportunity to carp at Bones slid away which is so unlike him. And as for the Doctor, Bones was wearing a very 'knowing' look and seemed so smug about the whole thing as he exited the room that Kirk was sure done on purpose to annoy him.

Now they are back in Spock's quarters (for a change) and Kirk is still trying very valiantly to shield his thoughts from Spock which prove a ridiculous thing to do.

'You seemed most restrained since our discharge from Sickbay, Captain.'

Spock was calling him 'Captain' and not Jim and Kirk decided not to correct him this time.

'I'm just tired Spock,' a lame excuse that Spock picked up immediately.

'Is something wrong, _Jim_?'

And Kirk cringed at that question.

**To Be Continued…**

**A/N: It'll be difficult to dodge this one for Jim I supposed…I so apologise that this is a bit short but I'll make it up next chapter-promise.  
**

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**YOUR WORDS MAKE MY DAY!**


	12. The Telling Heat

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: Still isn't mine. Now there's a pity.**

**A/N: A BIG and WONDERFUL THANK YOUs to all of the reviewers from the last chapter. Also, to the many readers who have added this to favourite and alerts and for anyone following with an interest: THANK YOU!**

**And in the previous chapter did Spock actually saw the dream? And if he did, wouldn't he be livid; but instead he seemed HAPPY. I'll leave it at that.**

**This chapter is mostly Kirk-based (I'm a Kirk girl, I know) and his weird musings. It's getting more serious now so expect less humour and more angst (yeah like I can try right?) but it'll be sexy times full steam ahead hopefully should I get this ruse of a chapter out. I mean the title of this chapter has got to mean something huh? Right? Right? OK I'll shut up now.**

**ENJOY!**

**Chapter 12: The Telling Heat**

'This is unacceptable!'

Everyone in the briefing room did their best not to wince. And they collectively avoided the smouldering (and not in a good way) stare the Captain/First Officer combo is sending their way.

Presumably (and with good reasons), it is safe to say that most of the 'glaring' was done by Kirk and not Spock unless the latter is 'emotionally compromised' and that is _definitely_ not a good thing.

It has been two weeks since the 'freaky transporter incident' as it is known shipwide and there is still not even any speculation available on how to reverse and correct the situation. It is widely believed throughout the Enterprise (with very, very good reasons) that a transporter malfunction is the most likely culprit. And to that many reactions had been one and the same and in the vein of: '_Well duh'_.

Unfortunately, even after Scotty and his whole caboodle (like he liked to call them) of the Engineering department had pick and prodded all over the transporter systems and came out with…absolutely nothing.

True, Scotty explained, rather defensively it might be added to the Captain/First Officer that the transporter for some reason had a tendency to malfunction at the most unfortunate moments BUT that is definitely NOT the case here. Neither Kirk nor Spock were thoroughly satisfied with the explanation, however, but they both trusted Scotty and after dishing a good '_Work it Scotty'_ and receiving the obligatory (and rather stiff) _'Aye sirs',_ they had left the Scotsman's domain.

And thankfully failed to overhear the string of curses released by the bruised Chief Engineer.

But that was a while ago and since then, no clue has surfaced and Kirk in particular had nearly lost his already thinning thread of patience. So today, he had called out all the department heads (again) in a bid to solve the problem. So far, from the feedback he had received from all departments, it looks like they would sooner be able to cure common cold than find a way to return Spock and himself to normal.

That made Kirk one unhappy camper.

Admittedly, it is very unfair to be angry at his crew for an occurrence that probably has never occurred since the first star was created in this part of the galaxy.

Who even know how to undo this merging when the exact cause is still unknown?

It doesn't matter that the Enterprise owns the best in-ship science labs and research centre in the entire Federation fleet, the mystery is still refusing to unravel itself. After all, Spock and himself along with the science department had worked extra hard at studying the Enterprises' databanks for possible clues.

Their efforts yielded no hit whatsoever.

Kirk sighed and returned to watching his currently trying-hard-not-to-fidget crew. Uhura was watching Bones watching Scotty watching Sulu who is currently staring at Chekov. The navigator meanwhile is the only one who seemed to be immune to the Captain's ire since he is currently still paying rapt attention to the Captain/First Officer.

'God bless Russia,' Kirk thought sourly.

Kirk could feel Spock's consciousness surrounding his like a warm blanket. Spock's presence is about the only thing that is stopping him from having a major blow up.

Which is very strange dichotomy really, because, here they are discussing (or trying to) ways to separate them again and the only person who can actually calm him down is the person he is currently trying to unstuck himself from.

And the fact scared Kirk badly because, he realised with a painful jolt that he even now does not seemed to mind Spock reading his mind and things like that and more alarmingly, even welcomed it as it made it easier to communicate and the knowledge that despite the fact that Spock's mind is strangely Vulcan and so very different from his Human one in so many ways, he discovered quite amazingly in fact that their minds are beautifully synchronised where it really mattered.

Sharing a mind with Spock made Kirk realised that they not only worked well together, so well, in fact most of their decisions to many different situations are mostly in synch.

But what Kirk was scared of is how comfortable he is with relinquishing his thoughts to Spock. And the fact that he is so comfortable with him. For a young man who never had any close acquaintance with anyone and who grew up mostly alone, it was like finding a home finally.

That knowledge in itself scared the hell out of Kirk because for goodness sake; this is Spock he's thinking about and that's wrong because…well, for one thing it's just _wrong_.

His own inner voice jeered at him: '_Liar, Kirk, liar. You know what is it that you want…and it's so ripe for_ _the taking,_' he swore he nearly clawed his/Spock's face after that thought.

And surprisingly to Kirk, he notices that slowly, almost unnoticeable at first, he felt that Spock, the uptight Vulcan who had so far did nothing but hide behind his Vulcan mind-wall, even when they are sharing this body, had begun to loosen up a bit. It was little things, really, that might have passed Kirk by if his own mind had not been so sharp, but he began to see as if it was within himself, flashes of thoughts and even feelings passing through the vulnerable barrier that separates his thought from Spock's.

It reminded him painfully of that dream.

Kirk found himself mesmerised by what he saw there, and if he had not caught himself would probably have entered where he was not welcomed. It was so tempting that it took every amount of his self-control to stop himself.

And even more alarming is Spock's apparent consent. Consent. It was unbelievable. Kirk personally didn't know what had passed to permit Spock to suddenly become so open to him. Perhaps, the Vulcan can feel his sincerity and decided that Kirk is someone he could trust.

Now, that's a thought. A very, very nice thought, in fact…

Denial unfortunately, no matter how cliché' it sounds, is not a river in Egypt.

[Captain…Jim]

Huh? What?

[The board is still waiting for you to continue…]

Oh.

Apparently he had been spacing out for the past few minutes when Spock took over the board.

How embarrassing.

Thank goodness though; Spock had taken care of everything.

* * *

It was the middle of ship's night and Alpha shift had ended for a couple of hours. Kirk normally would have been trying to catch up with sleep but somehow, it's not an easy goal to achieve tonight.

Because it was hot.

Seriously, seriously, annoyingly hot.

'God,' he puffed and could have sworn that his body is so full of heat that his breath came out in vapours of steam.

Spock is silent. Not sleeping though; Kirk could read his mind pattern well enough already to determine that fact. But just silent.

Like a lion about to pounce on its prey silent.

Kirk gulped involuntarily as the sudden thought crossed his mind. Spock with his Vulcan strength could crush him into a pulp should he desire it. He had been the recipient of that formidable display once. He has no desire to repeat it again…although…that might not seemed like such a bad idea at all.

'Jim.'

Spock's voice sounded different too. Lower, deeper…an almost guttural quality.

Jim Kirk found it to be fascinating.

'I feel the heat Jim.'

Which is an odd statement coming from Spock who came from a desert planet and perceived heat in a different manner to Human.

'Yes, I felt rather hot too Spock. Shall I lower the cabin temperature?'

The Vulcan's answer was enigmatic: 'Such actions will not quench the thirst.'

Kirk's answer to that statement was one of bewilderment: 'Huh?'

He felt Spock's consciousness shifting and swirling around him and once again he found himself shuddering and thinking once again of a wild animal ready to launched itself on its prey. Like Spock is the animal and him, Kirk, the Vulcan's prey.

Oh dear God.

'What is going on here?'

Suddenly he realised that something was indeed amiss. Spock's thoughts usually calm, ordered is jumbled and restless. Kirk could feel the Vulcan's attempts at self control and found himself looking at a vision of the Vulcan fighting against total loss of control.

Is this the adverse reaction Spock is experiencing due to the strained of their combined physicality?

'Spock, what's wrong? Are you alright?'

**To Be Continued…**

**Well now; what's wrong with Spock? Cookies for the readers who guess right! **

**YOUR WORDS MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND! REALLY!**

**PLEASE REVIEW/CC/COMMENT!**


	13. The Twisted Playground

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: Gene Roddenberry's. Sir, THANK YOU for *CREATING* Ponn Farr and rendering all the arguments against K/S moot. You are missed. RIP.**

**A/N: EVERYONE was AMAZING because ALL of YOU guessed right about Spock's strange affliction! WELL DONE! Cookies for everyone!**

**So alright, now the proverbial cat is out of the bag (so to speak) I believe, I can say this with certainty: it's a difficult plot to navigate. I might make mistakes and for that I duly apologise for any stupidity that could be coming your way. Man, somehow, I'm SCARED that I might screw this and all of you have been so kind…The WONDERFUL comments had been very, very encouraging. So THANK YOU again and I hope that I'll deliver a good yarn for all of you. (:D)**

**Back to business; this chapter is mostly McCoy's POV mainly because I miss him and wants to play with him (please don't kill me). Otherwise, I feel it somewhat important that Bones takes note that stranger things are coming his way. Although no worries…the good stuff is coming. And very, very soon too! (:D)**

**Chapter 13: A Twisted Playground**

Two days later, almost everyone on the great Starship Enterprise heard the news of a new trouble brewing in a big way. And that it inherently involves their Captain/First Officer. After all the shenanigans of recent events, most crewmembers thought nothing much about it.

Obviously they were gravely mistaken.

As if a testament to this fact, currently a PADD was seen flying across the bridge in a spectacular display of accuracy although fortunately it missed Chekov's head by a mere strand of hair because thankfully, the young navigator had the common sense to duck at just the right moment.

An unfortunate Ensign Lopez was seen nearly quaking in his boots from the death glare and subsequent verbal reprimand the Captain/First Officer were sending his way. Seriously, if look alone could kill, Lopez would most likely be reduced to cinders right about now. Everyone else tried their darndest to look busy as woe behold anyone who should interfere.

This uncommon and frankly disturbing behaviour was first exhibited on poor Janice Rand when she had brought coffee to the Captain/First Officer and received a lashing for the coffee being cold although that really was not be her fault to begin with; due to some transmissions received, the coffee lay forgotten until much later when the Captain/First Officer eventually consumed it.

The ensuing chaos was unprecedented and the poor yeoman had to be given counseling for her trauma. Dr. McCoy was not amused. The latest rumour heard around the ship was that she had already sent a formal transfer request. No one could blame her.

It all went downhill from there.

Rumor (the 'shy' beast) has it that the increased hostility from their Commanding Officers is due to the stress their 'stuck to each other' condition was giving them. Because after all, how in the Universe did a logical Vulcan be able to share a body with an illogical Human? It'll drive anyone mad. It was unheard of!

Or so the words go.

Needless to say, the good Chief Medical Officer got wind of the recent outbursts on poor Ensign Lopez and it earned Captain/First Officer an appointment with McCoy.

Again.

* * *

Later in Sickbay, there was a three-way battle of the wills going on between the main suspects; Kirk/Spock and an exasperated McCoy. Nurse Chapel who was also present to aid the Doctor had a difficult time deciding whether to be amused or concerned with what was going on.

She was eventually dismissed by an irritated McCoy and left feeling rather disappointed. After all, she would very much be interested in knowing how this 'confrontation' would end.

The moment the nurse exited his office, McCoy launched into an offensive.

'Alright both of you; what is going on here?'

When no answer was forthcoming, the Doctor continued:

'I've been receiving complaints about your erratic behavior! '-McCoy exhaled- 'Yeoman Rand had nearly had a nervous breakdown when you; I don't know which _one_ of you yelled at her because of cold coffee, _coffee, _for goodness sake and today? Well, I know I've cleared both of you for duty before, but if this continues, I would have to withdraw that option and label the both of you unfit for duty.'

McCoy stopped a while to gather his breath after the tirade. He sent a stern look to Kirk/Spock in an attempt for a reaction. He received a slightly worried expression but no verbal answer and took that as a cue to continue.

'Look, I need to know what is actually going on here if I am to be able to help. Come on now, Jim, Spock, _think,_ both of you. These incidents are not good for crew's morale. You know this. If none of you would cooperate with me, I have the right under Starfleet regulations to relieve both of you of command.'

Bones gave an empathetic look, 'And I don't want to have to do that.'

It was Kirk who yielded first to McCoy's surprise; he had expected Spock and his logic. McCoy after all, secretly suspected Kirk who is behind all these chaos in the first place.

Kirk/Spock looked as if they were fighting an internal struggle for the words to come out, which is, McCoy deduced, most likely the case.

'Bones,' Kirk sounded confused. 'I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel…strange.'

McCoy's brows furrowed. 'Strange? What do you mean?'

'I don't know. I remember feeling hot and I was sweating all over and then…I don't really remember. I don't even remember yelling at Rand, Bones. I…I just don't feel right.' A shake of the head for emphasized.

The look on the good doctor's face plainly shows that he would like nothing better than to check on Kirk/Spock's head and for very good reasons too.

'Come on Jim, you can do better than that.'

Kirk presumably, shook his head. 'That's all I can recall Bones. And uh, I've been having trouble sleeping too, I suppose.' He hesitated. 'Um, dreams, you know.' For some reason he had looked uncomfortable after that admission.

No, McCoy did not know, nor was he even able to remotely theorize a prognosis. And his doctor's instinct is suddenly tingling with the possibility that Spock (and his telling silence) might be the root of the problem at hand. If only he knew what this supposed 'thing' was in the first place.

Although McCoy is both professionally and unprofessionally very interested to learn more about Kirk's dreams, he also knows that he needed to get Spock's side of the story as well to see if it coincides with Kirk's. Somehow, he is not looking forward to it.

'What about you Spock?'

He gazed intently at the man standing in front of him; the curious and strangely compelling hybrid of both Jim and Spock and waited. And waited. And the Universe might have collapsed by the time he awaited the answer.

OK.

It had gone long enough.

'Spock, come on man! Work with me here.'

McCoy was not prepared for what was to happen next.

K/S who had been quiet and looking rather meek suddenly glowered and turned a furious gaze at him.

'Doctor, if you do not start minding your own business, I assure you that I would certainly break your neck.' Cold and unfeeling; Spock to a tee. Although even Spock would _never _respond in such a cold-blooded manner.

McCoy's jaw all but dropped to the floor.

It would have been better if Spock had yelled. Because frankly, saying it like that makes the hair at the back of McCoy's neck stood on end.

'Spock, what is the meaning of all this?'

And for the sake of his own tethering sanity, a shocked McCoy wished that it was him instead of Kirk who had uttered the question.

**To Be Continued…**

**OK Spock is entering berserker mode now. Poor Jim still has no clue on what's happening to him. **

**Next chapter: Enter Amok Time, SPIRK style!**

**So please REVIEW/CC/COMMENTS and IDEAS GREATLY APPRECIATED!**


	14. Mad Season

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: If it was mine it'll be Amok Time every other episode**

**A/N: To all the reviewers: YOU GUYS ROCKS. I absolutely appreciate all the kind support and constructive criticisms because I'm learning to write better. And you guys are great for sticking with this story and letting me know your opinions because YOUR opinions matter! THANK YOU ALL! Also, thanks and hello to readers who have put this story as ALERT and FAVOURITE. And lurkers too! **

**WARNING: Mention about SEX altho nuthin' is happenin' yet.  
**

**Chapter 14: This Mad Season**

To say that Kirk felt 'strange' and confused would be a gross understatement.

At the moment, he was feeling all of that and more. Unhinged might be near the mark. And Kirk plainly did not like feeling out of control. Especially not the way he was feeling now. Like he was being taken on some goddamn roller-coaster ride with his eyes blind-folded.

Spock wasn't talking. Not to him anyway, although he was able to detect an abnormally agitated stance in Spock's consciousness and thought process. He also recognised the Vulcan's numerous attempts at constructing that mind-wall he's so good at doing when he did not want Kirk prying. And the thing that concerns Kirk was the fact that he wasn't prying; not on purpose anyway and yet…he's still detecting Spock's uncommon thought patterns.

It was as if Spock was not able to hold his _emotion_ under control. Kirk truly wished he knew what that forebodes because it unlikely spelled good news.

'Talk to me Spock.' He'd nearly begged that one time out of sheer concern and his request had gone unheeded. Instead, he'd received various impressions that Spock was actually angry and pissed off at _him_, for some reason unknown and that somehow _Kirk_ was the cause of all this unpleasantness.

He'd stop asking after that.

For the life of him, even James Kirk who is a very perceptive human being could not figure out Spock's perplexing behaviour.

As a matter of fact, the Vulcan had been actively ignoring contact from him ever since that weird night when Spock had gone all feral and heaty and shit and after that? No contact with Kirk whatsoever. He'd even rebuffed Kirk's attempts at reaching him.

And even more alarming is this; Kirk believed that both Spock and himself had developed some sort of a memory lapse. Case in point: he was honestly telling the truth when he told Bones that he did not remember yelling or scolding Janice Rand, ever. From Spock's surprised countenance, he'd known that Spock did not know about the incident too.

As a matter of fact, it was only Bones' explanation earlier that had helped in explaining the mystery of her official transfer request that he'd received only this morning. And personally, he only vaguely remembered yelling at Ensign Lopez and the subsequent PADD throwing fit that came after that. Amazingly, he thought he sensed Spock's emanating anger throughout that exchange.

Things were growing to be too disturbing for Kirk's taste.

Spock's threatening words to McCoy earlier had shocked Kirk as much as it did the Doctor. And what had made it even more disturbing is the fact that Kirk knows and felt the anger and fury Spock is emanating and fully understood that the Vulcan was indeed capable of delivering his threats too.

What was wrong with Spock or even him for that matter?

If Spock had not been male and not to mention a Vulcan male at that (who knows how sexual problems were with Vulcans), Kirk would have thought that he was PMSing. No matter how illogical that sounds.

Unfortunately, he did not realised how nearly astute that observation was.

They found themselves back in their quarters (Kirk's to be precise) after a tense full medical check-up which they were forced to comply. The scene would have been ugly; Spock was strongly against it to the point of physical aggression and Kirk had had to interject, thankfully to no disastrous results.

And as if all the aforementioned insanity plaguing his life currently wasn't enough, he also had to deal with his inner demons too.

For Kirk, things had gotten terribly out of hand ever since the first moment he found himself being stuck bodily to Spock. This was mostly due to the fact that being around Spock's mind was innately fascinating and mesmerizing in a somewhat strange yet cool way.

He initially thought that he was going to absolutely hate it. He found out that he was absolutely wrong. The fact of the matter remained; Kirk actually loved it. He loved being around Spock. He really did. Even he could not understand himself.

And the fact was that he _loved_ Spock's company very, very much. And from the way things were going, it seemed Spock reciprocate the sentiments too.

To Kirk, this inexplicable closeness he was developing with his First Officer was too good to be true.

Apparently the Universe had decided to prove him right.

Things had taken the turn for the bizarre ever since that particular night when he was feeling incredibly heated and unwell and then weirder things had started to happen.

The dreams had visited him again, worse, more tantalizing and delicious and he found himself almost unwilling to break out of it. It was an addiction-almost- and secretly he had been wishing to relive it again and again as the dream gets more fluid and life-like and the line between fantasy and reality blurred as if to become non-existent.

He did not want Spock to know, did not want for Spock to find out and especially not like this but his mind and the desires seemed to have a mind of their own and he was a willing prisoner at the mercy of their whims and alarmingly, Kirk found that he did not care.

The Spock in his dreams was always thus; strong, demanding, rough and controlling. He took for himself the pleasure of the flesh and left Kirk feeling unclean, soiled and strangely wanting for more. Kirk was always yearning for more and when the waking time comes, he could not brush away the shame he felt for his weakness in the fantasy.

Which was so unlike himself. Kirk never was the one to be handled in love-making. He was always the alpha in the affairs of the sheets and control and possession was his game and he plays to dominate. But never with Spock, never in the twisted, desirous, torturous exchanged Kirk experienced in the realm of his dreamscape.

Darkly, Kirk suspected that it was karma hitting him back for all those one night stands he'd done in the past.

Spock, the real Spock, said nothing of this, if he had even realized what was going on.

On the Vulcan's part, Kirk noticed that since that strange night, Spock had been subdued, caged, an inner struggle that even Kirk can detect. For the most part, Spock's normally unshakeable Vulcan control seemed to be thinning and slipping and crumbling like a wall long laid bare to the enemy's tools and no matter how strong and how diligent, it gave away eventually.

And then came the rage, the overpowering fury that even Kirk for all his anger issues could not even begin to fathom.

All in all, it was definitely an understatement to say that they have a problem. For all he knew, they might be heading towards the black void of insanity and that will not be well for the Enterprise to have an incapacitated Command team.

McCoy was right as usual although Kirk would never admit it freely to him. And this conversation was long overdue anyway.

'Spock.'

The Vulcan's conscience seemed calm enough now. At least he was no longer displaying the hostility he held towards McCoy in Sickbay earlier.

Kirk took it as a hopeful sign.

'Jim.'

A hesitation in Spock's part, maybe embarrassment even, that Kirk detected, but he allowed the Vulcan his moment. But still he would never expected Spock's next words:

'Captain, lock me away. I do not wish to be seen.'

What?

Kirk's confusion increased ten-fold by that simple yet incredibly perplexing request.

What was affecting him so badly that Spock would even…?

Kirk forced himself to calm down and not jump to conclusions. It was easier said than done.

He tried again. 'Spock, I don't understand.' Really he did not.

Spock seemed to struggle in answering but Kirk detected that the anxiety associated with the situation had multiplied again. It's not a comfortable situation to be sure.

'Come on Spock, after all this while, I'm sure there could be no more dark secrets about you I didn't know about,' his tone was light to lift the somewhat somber mood.

But dammit this heat is terrible!

'Captain, I…this is not a matter to be spoken lightly. Even among Vulcans, we do not speak of it openly.'

OK. Now that might prove tricky. And Kirk finally noted the usage of the term Captain, where it had been Jim all this while.

'Spock, I don't mean to sound insensitive. Goodness knows what you' ve had to suffer being stuck with me. But, no secrets here see, because you do know that technically locking you away would constitute the same for me as well.'

[Please]

He thought but did not voice it.

'I'm not asking you to tell me as your Commanding Officer, Spock but as your friend. I need to know because it's affecting me as well.'

Kirk can sense reluctance in Spock. There are also other _emotions_ involved in the Spock's part that gave Kirk the impression that what he was about to learn was not something that happened everyday in the Vulcan's life.

Even after all this time being stuck together, Spock had never freely dispensed of emotions as freely as he did now. Nevertheless, he definitely also able to recognize the signal that Spock was expecting him to be appalled by what he was about to reveal.

Kirk did his best to be reassuring and to let Spock feel his sincerity and openness in accepting whatever it was that Spock had to say.

[Nothing you can tell me will make me think badly of you]

And Kirk meant it too.

[Take your time. I'll wait until you are ready]

The fact that Spock's a Vulcan and reassurances were illogical did not cross Kirk's mind. All he knew was that he needed Spock to trust him now, trust him enough to open up completely to him. He sensed Spock's apprehension subsided slightly and continued with his mental coaxing and reassurance.

Eventually…

'Jim. Did you ever wonder about your dreams?'

Kirk started. Admittedly that was not what he expected Spock to say. And secondly…

Goodness gracious, so Spock did know about them! Freaking out would be appropriate for the occasion but Kirk said instead: 'Are they pertinent to our problem now Spock?'

Please say no…

'Indeed Jim. In fact, they are part of the problem at hand.'

Damnit!

It was Kirk's turn to gulp. 'What do you mean?' he whispered.

Spock's answered Kirk's query with one of his own: 'Have you ever wondered about Vulcan biology Jim?'

Biology?

Kirk frowned.

Why would he wonder about such a thing?

But suddenly it hit him; whether an inspiration from Spock or his own sense of 'biological functioning'.

Those hot and most certainly wet dreams…

The flushing and the definite increase in his libido (that he was trying extremely hard really trying to conceal especially from Spock, which was a futile attempt obviously and everyone else…).

The…oh no…

It couldn't be.

'You couldn't possibly mean biology as in…reproduction, could you?'

[Oh, please, please, please, let me be mistaken]

[You are not Jim. Your deduction is accurate]

If he could, Kirk would've imitated a goldfish. As it was, he settled with a very intelligent: 'Oh.'

Kirk tried to regroup his suddenly jumbled thoughts. OK this was not what he was expecting. At all. In retrospect, perhaps he had been forewarned, the signs were actually blaring at him in neon lights. However, since he was not Vulcan, he could be forgiven for missing and dismissing them.

Also, he could not deny that this revelation did make him feel a wee bit curious. Well actually a lot curious. So all that had been happening lately, were due to the fact that Spock needs to get laid? Seriously, Kirk had seen many bizarre scenarios before thanks to his less than conventional childhood, but this one sure takes the cake for sheer incredibleness.

There was no going back now. 'Might as well hit the ground running,' he thought.

Spock, on the other hand was openly projecting his curiosity at Kirk's response. 'You do not seem disturbed Jim.' Like he was expecting Kirk to be disgusted by it and at him.

Kirk could've laughed for the relief in his heart. He had initially feared that they might be _dying_. Seeing that the actual reason was anything but, how can he not be amused? However, something in Spock's demeanour told him that the whole proverbial beans had not been spilled yet.

He decided to take the high road. 'Well, Mr. Spock there's nothing to be ashamed about, it happened to the birds and the bees.'

Immediately after those words slipped from his mouth had he regretted saying them. Apparently Spock was not amused.

'The birds and the bees are not Vulcans, Captain. Do you not wonder also about your dreams and why my condition is affecting you as well?'

As a matter of fact, Kirk did, and he told Spock so.

Spock paused for a moment before answering. Kirk once again felt like he was waiting for the pronouncement of his own death sentence. It seemed that Spock_ definitely_ had a morbid tendency for emotional roller-coasters.

'The dreams, Captain. They did not originate from your thoughts, instead they stemmed from mine.'

Wait.

What?

So if Kirk understood Spock correctly, the dreams, all of them, were not Kirk's but actually Spock's.

Which was big news to Kirk.

Why would Spock be dreaming about doing those things with me?

Did that mean that Spock…? But no he couldn't be!

Kirk's ponderings were abruptly interrupted when Spock continued with his explanation:

'I had wished to be spared this condition but this unexpected fusion of our bodies had somehow triggered the onset of it earlier than it should be. I believe the cause of this to be your own matured reproductive organs which had caused mine to mature as well.

Kirk could feel himself going light-headed at the explanation. Personally, it didn't make sense to him at all. And despite grasping the fact that Spock was about to hit puberty, he really needed to know why the Vulcan was accusing Kirk's reproductive ability to be the dastardly catalyst to whatever condition this was.

'Wait, Spock. Stop. Please.'

The Vulcan ceased with his verbal lecture to allow him a moment.

'Are you saying that this 'thing', this Vulcan puberty maturation-'

'Ponn Farr.'

'What Spock?'

'It is called the Ponn Far.'

'Fine. That. Are you suggesting that it's happening because of my close proximity to you?'

'Yes Jim.'

So now he understood why Spock was feeling angry at him. Sort off.

That statement rather excited and unnerved Kirk at the same time. The right reponse should have been relief! After all, it was not him (not technically) who dreamt all these dreams but Spock! He needed more answers though.

'Alright that's fine. So I am actually experiencing your symptoms right?'

Spock pondered the query for a moment and then gave his agreement.

'Correct. Telepathic transfers could bring upon such effect.'

Right. It shouldn't be surprising considering that they were stuck to each other anyway. 'So how do we solve this?'

'We, Captain?'

Kirk sighed. 'Well, as you can see, we are in fact glued together until God knows when, Spock. So I figured that if this er, issue of yours needed solving, we've no choice but to do something together.' He regretted saying that as he can sense Spock surprised countenance.

Ok this was getting complicated. Sharing a body sucks. Because how in the world was Spock supposed to 'get it on' so to speak with him around? And admittedly, even though Kirk had to confessed to had been involved in various 'adventurous' forms of love-making in the past, voyeurism was definitely something he was not keen on. Because otherwise, if they had not been sharing this body, things might have gone differently. For one, Spock would never have shared such an important (and admittedly rather embarrassing) experience with him.

Why would he wanted Spock to share it with him anyway?

Kirk heard his own voice whispered to him: 'I do not wish for Spock to share this with anyone else, but me...'

Try as he might, Kirk was unable to dodge that voice.

**To Be Continued…**

**Sooooo, it's really been Spock dreaming about all this naughty things with Jim…**

**REVIEW/CC/COMMENT VERY MUCH LOVED AND CHERISHED!**

**So review? (:D)**


	15. Curveball

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: Created by the Great Bird of the Galaxy; the late Gene Roddenberry. We salute you Sir!**

**A/N: Whelp. It's been a long time and I do apologise for the terrible delay. What can I say; life happens and things were out of my control for some time. But I'm BACK and I'm so glad cause I have missed sharing this story with all of you! I've been receiving very lovely reviews from the last chapter and let me just say it here that I appreciate every single comment and encouragement-your support makes me very, very happy, indeed! So THANK YOU again to all reviewers and readers and thanks for all the alerts too! I hope that all of you will enjoy this chapter.**

**So read on!**

**WARNING: Severe emotional roller coaster. Nothing serious. **

**Chapter 15: Curveball**

Bones had interrupted their intense conversation with a surprise visit earlier and at the very moment the Doctor entered the cabin, Kirk could clearly read in his face that it was no good news. Bones' expression was a combination of worry, mingled with an utmost controlled frantic and fear, if that was the right way to put it.

Kirk had tried to appease Bones when the latter launched into a now all-too-familiar tirade mode (since he already knew what was actually happening to him and Spock. Sort off) but to no avail. It was no biggie to Kirk having Bones reacting this way; his friend had been known to panic over small things ranging from Kirk's (unhealthy) eating habits to possibilities of Kirk contracting STDs for sleeping around (which he had not done since forever) to…almost anything regarding Kirk really.

The good doctor however, was having none of Kirk's persuasive 'everything is alright Bones' nonsense.

'I don't know why and how this is happening, but your body is secreting an incredibly high level of adrenaline!'

He definitely yelled the last bit out.

Kirk's first reaction had been: 'Come on, relax Bones; it's not that bad is it?'

The Doctor threw him an incredulous and angry look.

'You think I would waste my energy rushing here if I thought there was nothing serious going on?'

It was an ominous statement and Kirk felt his heart plummeted again. 'What now?'

Spock on the other hand had gone absolutely still as if he was stupefied. Kirk was unable to rouse him from it. And then…

He realised that Bones was speaking again.

'Such a condition is not normal for either Human or Vulcan. If it does not resolve soon, it will eventually kill you both. In approximately eight days.'

And Kirk's own illusion of calm was promptly shattered the moment McCoy blew that bombshell out.

It really seemed to Kirk lately that it doesn't rain but it poured. Here he was, still sharing the same body with Spock, still reeling from information the Vulcan had divulge earlier and still trying to make sense of it all. He fervently wished there was a frigging on/off and even replay button so that he could take a breather from this and digest the information at his own leisure.

It seemed that there are no rest for the weary.

* * *

Die? Eight days?

'Bones, it's not funny.'

The Doctor glared at him. 'Like hell it isn't. I'm ordering both of you to report to Sickbay now.'

'With due respect to your medical expertise Doctor, but I do not believe that your beads and rattles are capable of remedying the situation.'

Bones was instantly aggravated. 'Well, at least I could try Spock. What do you expect me to tell Starfleet, huh? That they're golden command team died for no apparent reason and I was not even trying to help?'

Spock's voice was calm and controlled; too controlled in Kirk's opinion and he could sense the Vulcan was silently suffering in misery beneath the surface calm. The message was painfully clear to Kirk: Spock did not wish for Bones to find out. It left Kirk in a difficult terrain.

On one hand, he really wished to keep Spock's private 'illness' quiet. On the other hand, Spock had not told him that the condition could result in something quite as fatalistic and that is serious. Bones' evident proclivity to paranoia notwithstanding; his friend had a genuine medical reason to worry about.

[Captain. Jim. I do not wish for the Doctor to find out. Not like this]

[Spock, you should have mentioned this to me earlier. Bones might be right-heck I think he is telling the truth, I need to know the reason and the solution Spock!]

[Jim, I will tell you-only you- everything you needed to know. I just need you to protect my privacy, during this time. I am asking you to respect this wish…please]

It's not everyday that James T. Kirk had heard about a First Officer pleading with his Captain over such matters. What is happening now is something unlike anything he had read from Starfleet's 'Manual of Standard Procedures in Emergency Situations'.

Really.

Give him crazy Romulans, trigger happy Klingons, and any galactic battle formations that he had to go up against and Kirk could nail it all like a pro he was. Diplomatic missions were always a pain in the ass but nothing he cannot handle. But this? He knew neither tactic nor solution for this convoluted game he is currently a participant of and he didn't even know the rules.

But OK. First things first; he needed to convince Bones to let him settle this mess with Spock alone. Exactly how he was supposed to do to settle it, he had no idea, but…he'll figure it out eventually.

After all, James T. Kirk did not believe in the no-win scenarios.

'Bones, wait. If I told you that I know what's going on, would you trust me to handle this, myself?

McCoy's facial expression mirrored his skepticism.

'I swear Jim, you and Spock will be the death of me one day, and I'll make sure when that happens, I'd come back and haunt the both of you, so help me God.'

Usually Kirk could easily find various possible (sarcastic) remarks to this statement but today, he chose to let it slip. Obviously Bones was completely worried and no one could blame him. Kirk tried but was unable to find any suitable excuse to give McCoy. But he still had to try.

'Bones. I know it sounds crazy, but just this once; let me try to solve this…problem, alright. It's got nothing to do to do with my trust of your medical ability'-he added hastily when McCoy opened his mouth furiously in protest-'I do trust you on that basis explicitly. But I just need you to trust me and Spock regarding this. Just this once-I promise you.'

Kirk knew he wasn't on his best charming behaviour by far (not that his charm had ever worked on Bones to begin with), but he gave it his best shot given the circumstances.

For a while, it looked like Bones was not going to buy it. His friend had that sceptical, 'what the devil is going on' look on his face. Usually that would lead to the both of them arguing with each other to a stand-still. The uncomfortable moment dragged on a bit longer and Kirk could have sworn that he'd started sweating…when Bones gave a disgusted sigh and relented.

'Alright Jim-I'll let it go just this once. I'll give the both of you three days medical leave…THREE DAYS to solve this thing…whatever it is. Otherwise, I'll drag you down to Sickbay. That clear?'

'But Bones…'

'No buts. THREE DAYS, Jim.'

On that note, McCoy glared at them in a final sort of way, and left.

* * *

Right.

Kirk waited approximately 2.5 minutes after Bones' departure to initiate his own Vulcan confessional committee of one.

So, since everything was definitely out in the open now, there was absolutely no use in beating around the bushes any longer. Therefore, Kirk went straight for it:

'Alright, Spock. Let's hear the rest of the story.'

The young Captain could detect Spock's ever present Vulcan wall, slowly lowered and felt the sudden onslaught of emotions-not his own- washed over him like a cascading waterfall. It was an entirely overwhelming sensation.

There was sadness there he felt, fear and some other more subtle emotions Kirk could not quite name. But there was one particular emotion he felt that stood more profound from the rest.

Love…or was it lust?

He felt himself strangely drawn to it…

And as soon as he caught the onslaught of all these feelings from Spock, it was gone again in the next instant. Kirk found himself envisioning the brilliant sun suddenly enshrouded by the jealous clouds that stole the very warmth and brilliance of the burning star from him.

It took him a moment to snap out of it.

'Spock?' he began confused.

The Vulcan wall was once again in its place.

Kirk began again. 'Spock. Don't—don't shield away from me—please. I need to know. As a friend, you owe me the explanation.'

Spock's countenance was calm again although Kirk could detect guilt and regret in his First Officer despite the mind-wall.

'Captain. Jim. Forgive me the trouble this has brought upon you. I do not wish it to be so.'

The Vulcan paused for a moment and Kirk did not interrupt.

'The Doctor spoke the truth. If the blood fever of the Ponn Farr also known as the Plak Tow is not satisfied the resulting consequence would be death.'

'But it's just, just…intercourse isn't it? Just that. You, I don't intent to pry but you and Uhura—you didn't? I mean you know, did it. With each other and stuff?'

He really did not believe that Spock was as naïve about love-making as the Vulcan was letting on now. After all, he could still remember the Vulcan's aptness at kissing - in the middle of a freaking emergency - no less. He had to confess to feeling a wee bit jealous at the public display of affection, although whether that envy was directed towards Spock or Uhura, he, himself was unable to make up his mind.

Kirk could sense the darkening of Spock's mood surrounding him like a swirling storm cloud. Apparently he had touched a very sore spot. The memory of the first night when he had sensed that something was not quite right with Spock sprang back to the foremost of his thoughts.

Oops.

Suddenly he felt Spock bristling from within his own consciousness. 'That is something that I do not wish to discuss.' Spock almost hissed those words out. And Kirk, sharing a body with Spock or not, could actually feel goose bumps formed all over his body.

In fear or in excited anticipation even he could not decide. Seriously, Kirk began to wonder why he was having such a difficulty in making decisions especially where Spock was concern, like he was a _woman_, for goodness sake.

Now, wait a freaking minute…

Kirk paused his thoughts for a moment. 'My God,' he thought shuddering inwardly. Was he…was he actually turned on by Spock's obviously domineering behaviour? Because if he was, now of all times, it would be…complicated to say the least. And inappropriate too. But he did offer help to Spock. So logically, if he could just…

No Kirk, for goodness sake- FOCUS- damnit!

Spock's presence was circulating him like an accusation. Needless to say, the Vulcan no doubt, was surely very aware of Kirk's own internal struggles. Unsurprisingly Spock didn't mention it, although Kirk did receive a very distinct impression that he had only aided in making the situation more difficult for Spock. Not to mention to himself, for that matter.

Despite his own misgivings, in true Kirk fashion, he decided to blunder through anyway. 'Well, if you can't get through something, just shoot at it,' he thought. After all, this is literally a matter of life and death.

'Spock, you know me and I am not someone who is willing to die needlessly,' he began trying to inject confidence into his voice that really he did not felt. 'So, you know, if there is _someone _who could get you through this, then logically Uhur -,' he didn't quite finished that sentence, Spock made sure of that.

'It is not as simple as that Jim,' Spock said quietly. Too quietly for Kirk's liking.

Kirk frowned. 'Well, it is just your sex drive isn't it? And if Uhura is willing, then, why not?' Personally, Kirk didn't really like the suggestion in the first place. But how the hell was he supposed to help anyway?

'Do you simply believe that pleasing the sexual need is the only reason for Ponn Farr? That any one will do as long as I am able to release myself?'

For Kirk being the young Human male he was, the obvious answer that came to his mind to Spock's question was in the veins of 'Well, yeah.'

The anger surging from Spock's side of the consciousness, however, indicated that Kirk's answer was in error.

'We Vulcans value the sanctity of sexual proximity in higher esteemed than Humans do. To us, it is a matter of compatibility in mind as well as in body. Do not compare me to your own promiscuous ways of perceiving such matters,' there was a hint of condescending in Spock's tone, making his words sound like a personal attack on Kirk.

And the Captain took it as such too. It was Kirk's turn to anger. 'What do you expect me to do huh? Die with you and your Vulcan pride? Who the hell do you think you are to pass judgement upon Humans- upon _me_- anyway?'

Perhaps it was foolishness to give himself to overwhelming anger so swiftly. Although, in retrospect, the blood fever was affecting Kirk now as much as it is coursing through Spock and various emotions flowed between them, charged and piercing. And neither was willing to back down.

'Don't forget that your Mother was Human too, you're part Human whether you like it or not! And don't think I could forget the way you and Uhura were kissing in front of me to my face on the transporter. Where's your damn Vulcan pride then, huh? Destroyed the way Vulcan was didn't it?' there was an inexplicable bittersweet victory in that statement.

Kirk knew that it was a cruel reminder to Spock of his late Mother who perished on Vulcan. He also didn't know where the dig about Spock and Uhura had come from; but he could not stop himself. The effect of the blood fever rapidly engulfing him.

He expected Spock to lash at him now in anger and he was neither caring nor scared of it. Kirk did not expect for him to do otherwise. For Spock suddenly was withdrawing from him. As sudden as the anger had manifested, it was tucked away again almost instantly.

Kirk felt bewildered and bedeviled like he had never felt before. For a species that pride themselves in logic, Kirk found the Vulcan Ponn Farr to be a far more emotionally taxing experience than any Human emotions that he had to deal with on a daily basis.

'You are right,' Spock's voice was soft and the bite in them was gone. He seemed to have gotten a reign upon himself again. And Kirk is now detecting, sadness, embarrassment and regret from Spock. Almost immediately Kirk wished he could take his words back.

'Spock…'

'Jim, you do not have to apologise,' the Vulcan continued, perceiving the Human's intention correctly.

'But, I am sorry Spock. I didn't mean to, you know, bring it all up again. I don't know why, I said what I said.'

Spock gave a small sigh. 'It is the Plak Tow, Jim. It is overtaking us and our ability for rational thoughts. Faster than I anticipated it to be.'

'Is there no way that we can stop this, Spock?' Kirk asked although he had already known the answer.

'Negative. Once ignited, it is not reversible.'

Kirk prompted them to take a seat. They have been standing for as long as McCoy had visited earlier and that was a while ago. Now, they are back at square one again. All those yelling and arguing did not bring them any closer to a solution and Spock had not revealed any pertinent information apart from the fact that apparently Ponn Farr is a much more complex thing than just sex per se.

'Is this condition something that only your home planet can do for you?' Kirk wondered.

Spock's answer was swift. 'Yes. Traditionally, Vulcan males would make their way to our home planet to be united with our mates. Even now, the same tradition applies in New Vulcan.'

Oh yes, the new planet that had been chosen as Vulcan colony after the destruction of the Mother planet. Kirk knew that Spock Prime was still there. An idea sprang into his mind. Perhaps he could help them! After all; the elder Vulcan would be much wiser regarding this considering where he was from and what he had gone through. He, himself, had developed an affection toward the other Vulcan. He told his Spock so. Heh, _his _Spock, huh. Where did that come from?

Nevertheless, the young Vulcan did not share Kirk's enthusiasm. 'Perhaps,' was the only thing Spock said.

Kirk did not understand his First Officer's aversion to their contacting the Prime counterpart of himself.

'Come on Spock, he could be able to help us.'

Spock's doubt was apparent and he voiced it. 'I do not think that there is anything that he could do to aid us. Our situation is an anomaly. Furthermore, there will not be anyone waiting for me there,' Spock finished, rather quietly.

For Kirk, the statement 'there will not be anyone waiting for me there' was a little bit of an enigma. So who exactly was Spock expecting to be waiting for him in Vulcan? Surely, Spock was not speaking of a girlfriend of some sort?

Because for all that Kirk knew, Spock was only ever romantically involved with Uhura, although the relationship seemed to have ended and the Vulcan had had no other opportunities to date ever since their five-year mission had started. Otherwise Kirk was sure that he would know of it.

He had been paying close attention upon that aspect, although he'd deny it outright should anyone so much as pointed out his fixation on Spock as Bones had done not so discreetly a couple of times before. The only thing that Kirk knew-courtesy of Bones- was the fact that Nurse Chapel seemed to be carrying a one-sided crush on the Vulcan.

Kirk felt a sense of satisfaction by that one point; the fact that Spock was oblivious to the Nurse's infatuation. Exactly why that was he could not say, or rather, unwilling to acknowledge.

If Captain Kirk possessed of only one weakness, then it would be his expendable ego. Nevertheless, at the moment his mind had latched on a pertinent information and he would not rest until he learned more about it.

So who was Spock referring to?

'Captain…Jim. I recalled that you have stated earlier, that nothing that I could reveal would make you pass judgement upon me.'

Kirk started. That was the oddest statement from Spock that he had heard all day and Kirk was already swimming in oddness to begin with.

'I did say that,' he confirmed cautiously. 'Why?'

Kirk received a distinct impression that Spock was collecting himself for this 'big reveal' whatever it was. Again, Kirk found himself playing pacifist, he was relaying to Spock as much support and encouragement that was his to give. The prior argument that had transpired between them just a short moment ago was duly pushed aside.

When Spock continued, he sounded hollow, as though a big weight was pressing upon him. Even Kirk could feel the heaviness and instinctively, he braced himself for the revelation. 'Go on Spock,' he coaxed, as gently as he could.

For a moment Spock hesitated. But he persists: 'Jim, what I am about to tell you as you could already guessed, is something that I am not proud of. It is a deviation to not only Vulcan principles but to those of Human as well.'

Kirk waited, admittedly not so patiently.

Spock continued: 'On Vulcan, it is customary for children around the ages of seven to nine years old to be betrothed as arranged by the elders to be wed as the Vulcan male reached their Ponn Farr. The choice of a suitable partner was based on mental compatibility rather than physical attributes.'

Paused.

And Kirk found his mind quickened in surprised as he picked up on the clues and deduced the possible conclusion that Spock was drawing at.

Obviously, the Vulcan picked up on Kirk's thought pattern equally quickly too.

'You do understand what I am about to tell you, don't you, Jim?' Spock said in that soft voice again. There was regret in his tone, mingled with embarrassment and guilt.

And Kirk knew.

'You were already betrothed to someone else when you and Uhura started seeing each other,' Kirk answered equally softly.

A fact, not a question.

Spock nodded. 'Yes. Her name was T'pring. She was chosen for me by T'pau, my Grandmother, and approved by Sarek, my Father. My Mother on the other hand, was not so accepting. As a Human – even if she was Vulcan trained - she wished me free to have a mate of my own choosing. And as it was, as we grew older, T'pring and I were estranged, in mind and in body.'

Kirk noted the usage of past tense in regards to T'pring and understood that she had been one of the casualties on Vulcan that fateful day.

'As for Lt. Uhura and myself, we met at the Academy when she was a student in the linguistic class I was tutoring. She is an intelligent young woman, and we found a connection between ourselves and it evolved-into a romantic relationship as you are aware of.'

The pause was longer this time.

'I, I do understand if you don't want to continue Spock,' Kirk said quietly. Somehow, he found himself unwilling to listen, lest jealousy overcame him. Although he was mortally curious to know more. Such contradictory; even he did not know why.

Spock sighed. 'You do not approve, Captain.'

If he could Kirk would have shook his head vigorously. But since that was not an option, he settled on a slight shake.

'It's not that Spock. Who am I, to judge you on such things anyway-I'm known from here to Rygel VI as the 'Galactic Casanova',' he said to lighten the tense mood.

He could sense Spock lightening up slightly. 'I concur, Captain.'

'Hey, it's about you now alright, not me. So, just share it with me if it would help you. Also, come on, I don't condone cheating and all that but y'know-it happens. I'm sure you did not intend to hurt anyone,' though he didn't voice his own personal purgatory.

Immediately, Spock's light mood dissipated to be replaced by an even heavier gloom. 'Perhaps it is such to Human. Not so for Vulcan. For a part of the bonding ceremony between us constitutes the joining of the minds. Therefore, we can perceive each other's thoughts even over a great distance,' Spock's guilt seemed to multiply now.

Alright. Now that kinda make sense of why Spock was feeling this terrible guilt.

Kirk was at a lost to find words of comfort. He felt that he was on a speed learning course on Vulcan customs and found that he did not like it.

He was surprised to find himself commenting. 'She knew then.'

'Yes. And she understandably did not approve.'

There was something else nagging at Kirk presently as this saga unfolds itself, and even though as Spock had continuously pointed out that it was none of his goddamn business, but it is now and he needed to know.

'So did Uhura know? About T'pring, I mean.'

Kirk could sense Spock's surprise at the question.

But he answered readily. 'No, Uhura was unaware of her existence. Even now she does not know. She was never to blame for my own weakness.'

He shouldn't have asked it, don't even want to know, but he did so anyway:

'Why did you and Uhura split up then?'

There he said it.

Spock was taken aback further by the sudden vehemence in Kirk's voice. 'Jim, why is it that you want to know about it so badly? Isn't it enough for you to know that we have separated?'

Perhaps it was indeed the Blood Fever as Spock had mentioned, tearing at Kirk's own personal restrained and letting emotions and feelings that had so far been held caged inside him bursting to break free. But he nearly screamed his frustration at Spock. Nearly.

It was ultimately lucky perhaps that as just as suddenly as the ugly head of jealousy had reared its fangs, Kirk found the feeling deflated almost immediately. It was, after all, never his place to question upon such a thing from Spock. There were limitations even to Starfleet Command prerogative.

Nevertheless, Spock did not dance around the issue. Having been forced to tell all, he felt that there were no more room for secrets within him anymore. Not to this Human at least.

'Jim, we separated because…'

'Stop, Spock.'

'Jim?'

'I said: Stop it. I don't want to know. You're right. It's none of my business.'

And Kirk did not know why he wanted to tear up at that statement. 'Dear God,' he thought. 'What the hell is the matter with me?'

Spock took noticed of the Captain's strange swirl of emotions and found them fascinating. Yet, it was not yet time for that part of the tale to come, therefore he continued:

'Jim, after the destruction of Vulcan and in the wake of all that was happening around us at the time, I find myself experiencing the most overwhelming emotions I had ever felt. Namely sorrow and guilt. For my Mother and also for T'pring. I have found that I have erred terribly and what made it worse is the fact that I could never seek for forgiveness. Neither from my Mother nor from T'pring. Not even from Uhura '

The Vulcan's voice was a mere whisper. Kirk could tell that Spock is fighting very hard to control himself. Spock was fighting to upkeep the veneer of the indomitable Vulcan decorum yet at the same time was able to feel as completely as any Human could. It was tragic thing to learn and for the first time, Kirk thought that he felt and understood the pain of Spock's existence.

Kirk felt his own troubled past paled in comparison to the warring duality of Spock's nature. Pity, tinged with a mixture of various other nameless feelings flooded Kirk's senses and for the moment he forgot his own pain.

Because Spock had never found a sense of belonging, being neither Vulcan nor Human.

Always and ever at odds with the two sides of his combined ancestry.

_'At home nowhere but Starfleet.'_

A soft female voice and a vision of a smiling older woman who Kirk did not recognize filtered through his memory. Fleeting but tangible. Familiar yet foreign. He shook his head.

Spock's presence surrounding him stiffened considerably. Kirk wondered what it meant.

'Jim. Whence do you come by the memory?' the Vulcan's voice fought to control its normal calm.

James Kirk's own mind wondered about the same thing. Spock's voice broke past his confusion:

'The woman in your thoughts was my Mother.'

**To be continued…**

**I've inserted a couple of TOS references around here. So bonus points for those who can point them out! **

**Also, yep that's right; Ponn Farr isn't just an excuse to have mad sex. It's an excuse to have mad sex with someone you TRULY love i.e. your soulmate! I didn't invent this fact, it was on Memory Alpha and my boy pointed it out to me when we were watching Amok Time (an excellent excuse to watch Prime Jim and a horny Spock Prime have a go at each other). Gotta love TOS and its (overtly) gay subtext (Yay!)**

**Please let me know what you think!**

**REVIEW/CC/COMMENTS LOVED AND CHERISHED: SO DO!**

**Love you all,**

**Albukirky**


	16. The Melding Secrets

**Captain Spirk**

**Disclaimer: Gene Roddenberry's **

**A/N: That was an atrociously long wait for updates-sorry about that.**

**WARNING: I have a certain penchant for ridiculous emotional conversation. I know some readers don't enjoy this kind of thing so I have to apologise for giving in to my own weakness regarding this matter ****. It can't be all laugh all the time right? **

**Chapter 16: The Melding Secrets**

It began with falling.**  
**

He was falling. It was the first thing that he realised and instinctively, he braced himself for the full impact of the inevitable. Curiously enough he was not fearful; not even a little bit. A part of him knew that there was nothing to be concerned about. It was a strange sensation regardless of the fact that he had underwent similar situation in an ice cave on a God-forsaken planet not too long ago.

It was an altogether 'fascinating' experience, if Kirk could borrow a quote.

Spock had suggested the Vulcan mind-meld as a method to try and discover the origin of the memory that had played in his mind earlier. It was with a kind of surprised that he learned that the memory was not Spock's; that apparently it was conjured up by his own mind.

Kirk did not experienced anything out of the ordinary when the vision of the elderly woman Spock claimed to be his mother had materialised and even did not find it within himself to distrust Spock's denial of connection to the memory.

There was no reason for Spock to be lying about such a thing anyway.

That was when the mind-meld was presented by way of a solution. Interestingly, Spock was particularly keen to initiate it. That in itself was a surprised to Kirk (and he wondered whether his wits could withstand anymore surprises because recently he seemed to be awfully inundated by them; pleasant or otherwise). Because although his educated knowledge about Vulcans was limited at best, he was aware of how sacred a mind-meld was to the race.

Initially he was wary of it; obviously there were certain things in his mind which was sacred or rather secretive and he would still like to keep it at that; as if Spock had not known – almost – everything already, but eventually since there would otherwise be no other explanation viable, he decided to go for it.

Mostly because he was mortally curious about things like this and his internal thrill-seeking 'radar' informed him that finding out about it would be worthwhile

There was also that little matter of McCoy's earlier warning about dragging them to Sickbay; possibly Kirk's least favourite place on board the Enterprise, unless when he was finding ways of mooching Saurian Brandy off Bones.

And then of course, there was that little fact that they might actually _die_ (for real and not in some kind of a poetic metaphorical shit) if this whole Ponn Farr thing was not solved.

Spock had voiced his opinion that finding the origin of his Mother's memory would probably contribute to the solving of their situation. Kirk privately believed otherwise, and knew that it was just the Vulcan's excuse for an opportunity for a last possible link to his late Mother and Kirk might be an ingenious bastard at times; even he had not the heart to deny Spock of this.

There was a hidden part of his mind that knew unequivocally that whatever the memory was about and no matter where it came from; it was related either directly or indirectly to Spock Prime. After all, he was the only person to have ever had accessed to his mind before. And Kirk had a nagging feeling that the memory of Amanda Grayson was not the only one the older Vulcan had left behind.

Because sometimes, just sometimes, he fancied that he had caught of glimpses…of things and feelings between him and Spock that would no doubt be labelled illogical not only by his ever politically-correct First Officer but even by his own personal judgement.

He marked such fancy 'glimpses' when it happened as a severe case of misguided wishful thinking and left it at that.

But then again, "Well, it's not as if I actually do have even anything to hide from Spock anyway," he thought…and felt his thoughts darkened… "Except for the one thing…"which of course he would rather preferred not to mention.

Nevertheless, it was not the James T. Kirk way to back off from a challenge; no matter how embarrassing it would prove.

So he consented to Spock to initiate the meld.

* * *

The next thing he experienced was the feeling of Spock's – his – own fingers warm upon their face…

And he opened his eyes to find that he was suspended in midair in a partial darkness and the only source of light he saw was from an opening far away in the horizon. Unlike that first meld with the other Spock where he was fed information almost instantaneously from the moment that gnarled yet soft fingers touched his face, Kirk was inherently aware that this meld with _this_ Spock would be a different experience.

For one thing, he was alone – he did not even sure where; his mind or Spock's or even if their minds were already merged; he had no clear idea of what was actually going on in Vulcan mind-melds.

Spock or rather his consciousness that Kirk was expecting to be here with him was not present.

He tried to move around and realised that here in this unknown place he was nothing but a disembodied presence. He possessed of no physical body but yet he was acutely aware of every feeling he was experiencing.

He felt utterly alone. It shocked him a bit that he could felt it so strongly. He had been able to hide from his own demons for so long and now? He was surrounded by loneliness. That was the one thing that Kirk had feared the most. Loneliness…to die alone and forsaken. It was something he was loathed to share with anyone, not even Bones.

He wanted to hold and be held to love and received love in return. Here in this quietness, he desperately needed somebody.

He realised suddenly that throughout his entire life, he had been a loner and that here, now that he could acutely felt the cold of isolation, he learned that he was lonely. The sudden realisation hit him hard that aloneness and loneliness were not one and the same.

Fear crept slowly from within him when some irrational thoughts crept into his mind. What if Spock had sent him here to his death? That it was the Vulcan's intention from the very beginning to be rid of him and to abandoned him in the confined of his own mind, surrounded by his own fear; slowly decaying away into madness. A sort of the Vulcan's twisted revenge for what Kirk had provoked Spock to do at their first meeting.

No!

Very firmly.

Kirk yelled or thought he did in denial of the morbid thoughts. Maybe he had not known Spock for very long. It was also very true that their initial meeting was less than exemplary. But didn't they save each other's lives when it really mattered?

And if this convoluted mess of sharing a body with the Vulcan had thought him anything; it was the fact that Spock was the most incredible person Kirk had ever had the chance to know. That there was this different aspect to the Vulcan's personality that had shined through to him where it had been hidden from everyone else.

The fact of the matter is that no matter what - even call him illogical; he trusted Spock with his life.

"Jim."*

And just like that, Kirk's initial fear was gone; dissipated like a wisp of cloud in the wind.

It was Spock. The Vulcan was standing beside him; a presence that he cannot see yet felt all the same.

Spock continued speaking. "You are surrounded by deep loneliness and a deep longing for…affection" – Spock sounded mystified – "I was never aware that it is even possible for someone like you."

It was amazing how he could make an easy statement sound like a scientific observation. Although Kirk could detect a hint of warmth colouring the Vulcan's tone.

Kirk felt himself smiled. "An easy mistake to make, Spock. It is understandable."

"Indeed."

"Where are we now?" Kirk asked getting back to business.

He felt Spock moved beside him. "We are at an intersection Jim; a bridge that connects your mind to mine. Our minds are merging now."

"Oh," was about the most intelligent response Kirk could provide.

And the next thing he knew was that the scene had changed and he was taken to a place he had never seen before.

In the distant horizon Kirk could see a mountain. It stood like a lone pinnacle shrouded in clouds; tall and majestic; forbidding and cold. Unreachable and perilous to attempt to conquer. It was a magnificent sight. One that he could never took his eyes off due to nothing else but for its sheer beauty.

It was a challenge and an enticement all at the same time; one that immediately won Kirk's attention.

He was after all, never one for easy.

''What would it take for me to conquer that?'' forgetting for a moment that Spock would be able to hear it.

He felt suddenly Spock's amusement and even bafflement at the statement.

"You wish to conquer me, Jim?"

"Huh?"

Kirk could feel Spock's amusement heightened. "That mountain you see is the representation of me, Jim."

Oh.

Uh…

So basically, he had just voiced in what would be equivalent to an outright confession that he would like to 'own' Spock. If Kirk still had his body, he would have definitely blushed.

He tried to salvage his dignity.

"I didn't mean it like that Spock!"

"An understandable mistake, Jim."

There was an affectionate ring to his voice that Kirk had never heard before.

Spock pointed again to another direction where a vast ocean was seen.

It was an incredible sight. From afar the ocean looked calm and bathed in glorious sunlight. The blue water was shimmering brightly in the golden sun. It looked calm, beautiful and mild at first glance. But as Kirk's eyes strained as he took on the view closely he saw signs that suggested otherwise. There were huge and turbulent waves there and they crashed mercilessly upon the sight of the cliff, where it is chipping away, bit by bit, at the cliff of that was nearest to the mountain.

"It is a beautiful sight, is it not?"

Kirk did not voice his opinion aloud although a part of him agreed with Spock. Nevertheless, there was another part of him that screamed that the scene before him was more than meets the eye.

"But the ocean would soon erode away the mountain. And then its peaks would tumble down," he whispered aloud. "That would be a sad thing to happen."

He felt a bittersweet sensation emanating from Spock.

"Your deduction is accurate, Jim. The mountain is yielding even now. But perhaps it would be for the better." Spock's voice was calm and accepting even tinged with a sense of sadness. "That mountain was a silent volcano and on the verge of collapsing upon itself. Perhaps it would need the water to calm it down."

Spock paused before he continued…

"I do not regret it."

It took Kirk a moment to connect the dots…

Didn't Spock mention earlier that the mountain was a representation of himself in this mindscape?

So what was the ocean representing?

"We have lingered here too long Jim. We have yet to find the purpose of our visit."

His tone was closed. No room for arguments.

"But Spock…"

"You will understand in time Jim. For now, we have to go."

And Kirk fell silent.

* * *

Love.

The next thing he felt was this overwhelming feeling of love.

Love?

Now here was one particular emotion that was admittedly mysterious to James Kirk. True, he loved his Mother (regardless of whatever) and definitely he loved Sam – very much – but he had never really experienced it with anybody else. Granted, there was Ruth, blond and beautiful and he even almost married her (which admittedly he was relieved that it didn't happen) whom he thought he loved.

His Father was always a taboo topic in his household when he was growing up no thanks to Frank, that arsehole of a man. Jim had never felt anything other than absolute hatred for him. When Frank died, he did not even bother to attend the funeral despite his Mother's begging him to come home…and truthfully he did not even felt guilty about it.

He had fallen out with his Mother after that. She was ever so angry with him that she vowed to never speak to him again. She had kept to her words even until now and although it did hurt him initially–very, very much – he found that after a while, it ceased to matter anymore. He had never lamented the tragedy and perhaps now he never will.

After that incident, he could never even fathom how 'true love' as many people seemed to be in a (futile) quest for can even exists. And he was Human for goodness sake…he was supposed to be born to instinctively know this kind of thing.

Naturally therefore, he was not expecting Spock to know much about it either. True, Kirk had good reasons to believe that Spock, despite his Vulcan blood and all that, was able to love, but he would never expected his First Officer to felt it so keenly.

Obviously Kirk was only painfully aware of what had transpired on the Bridge of the Enterprise that saw him narrowly missing death by a few breaths. Although what he did to provoked Spock that fateful day was extremely necessary, he still personally felt like a total jerk for doing it.

He had to accuse Spock of the most dastardly accusation of all: that the Vulcan did not love his Mother who had just died.

'Serve me right,' he'd berated himself later. But seriously, that was the only way he found to emotionally compromised the inscrutable Vulcan. And the hint to do so came from the most reliable source too: Spock Prime.

And now…now in this very moment when everything in his more-colourful- than- he ever bargained for life, he'd found out that he was carrying a memory that was not his own.

''Jim, whence do you come by this memory?'' Spock had repeated the question twice.

Kirk found himself as flummoxed as Spock.

The Vulcan's curiosity and emotion was palpable even to Kirk. If Kirk had ever doubted that Spock had emotions before; the theory had been dashed instantly.

''You are still grieving,'' he pointed out, and immediately felt that it was the stupidest thing he could say at the moment.

Spock was silent for a while. His emotions swirling all over Kirk's like oncoming rain.

''Grieving is illogical.''

Kirk received the distinct impression that the words were in extreme contradiction to Spock's current emotional state.

''Yet you still find yourself doing it,'' Kirk said foolishly perhaps, but he did meant it kindly. ''And it isn't something you should be ashamed about too,'' he added sensing correctly the Vulcan's forthcoming denial.

''Indeed.''

Kirk offered no answer. The mood surrounding him now was sombre and at the moment he is torn between worrying of his and Spock's life and worrying about their collective emotional states.

Because the truth is, at the moment, he wished so very badly that he could wrap his arms around the Vulcan and comfort him. Spock would call him illogical – Kirk knew he would – and most likely would push him away, but at the moment his instinct told him that it was the right thing to do.

It was just the unfortunate matter that his hands did not exactly completely belonged to him exclusively at the moment that stopped Kirk from acting upon the noble intentions. Hugging Spock now would be equivalent to hugging himself and Kirk could see it with his mind's eye how ridiculous it would look.

''No. Seriously that won't do,'' he told himself regretfully.

''Your concern is unnecessary, Captain,'' the Vulcan's voice was quiet and Kirk was pretty sure Spock had realised what he had wanted to do. He froze.

But Spock was not finished. ''But it is not unwelcome.''

Kirk wondered how such a simple admission could make his heart soar like it did.

It hit Kirk in that very moment on how very open Spock was in this surreal universe called the mind-meld.

No secrets between them; only respect and deep understanding.

He found himself yearning for more.

* * *

The next moment as it was, his mind was taken away again and this time he reached a familiar pathway. An exclamation of surprise – the first- he had ever heard from Spock caught his attention. He felt Spock's mind directing forward to look out and then he saw them.

Like a hologram the scenes played out in front of him. He had never seen them although a part of his mind recognised and responded to it. Somehow Kirk knew; these images were projected by him, from his own memory although it was not him who had put it there.

Spock, beside him was silent, obviously fascinated beyond measure of his usual Vulcan decorum.

Together they saw there like an ancient postcard from the past (or indeed from a future which no longer existed) images that shocked them.

They saw the Enterprise. Just very much alike the one they were on now, just with a slight…difference. The bridge seemed darker, smaller and more intimate. And then, Kirk saw himself – an older, much more matured and self-assured version of himself commandeering the great Starship as if it had always been written in his life destiny. Beside him stood as always the ever loyal companions: he saw Bones much older and much wisdom in his blue eyes, but Bones all the same and there was Uhura as lovely as always, a smiling Sulu, Chekov with a mischievious smile on his face and a proud-faced Scotty.

Kirk knew instantly: His most loyal crew. His heart was warmed by that fact. Even though, this crew was not his in this Timeline, he knew that some things, _someone _ would belonged to him even in his own world.

Like a premonition then he saw there was Spock, standing – by his (counterpart) side - and he saw the assured look on his counterpart's face as he flashed a smile to his First Officer. Kirk saw the Vulcan graced his Captain with a small yet unmistakable smile. A smile –from a Vulcan! It was a definite sign of deep friendship; and his counterpart beaming visage stirred a sudden deep envy from within him.

If Kirk had been paying attention to his own Spock, he would have felt the ripples of shock and even amazement colouring the other's presence.

* * *

The scene faded to be replaced by another one. They were taken to a strange place: red sand, towering pinnacles upon deserts…Kirk could almost feel the emanating heat.

''Vulcan,'' Spock whispered, his voice sounded slightly shaky.

Kirk was not able to tear himself away from the sight that greeted him.

He saw Spock, Bones and himself in a sort of arena and gathered about them were many Vulcans , including a very beautiful young lady and a stern looking female matriarch.

Whether he was receiving the residue of Spock's thoughts or by some unknown reason, Kirk deduced who these women were. One of them undoubtedly was T'pring, Spock's deceased fiancée and the other one Kirk knew from his Academy days; T'pau one of the most renowned Vulcans in the Federation.

He was stunned when Spock decreed: ''My grandmother.''

Wow.

So Spock's grandmother was _the_ T'pau?

Now this was new information for Kirk. Obviously he was well aware of Spock's father, the famous Vulcan ambassador to Earth, but he did not expect Spock to be related to the woman who was invited to be a part of the Federation heads. She turned it down of course, but still…

His respect for Spock just increased ten-fold.

But his spirit plummeted when he saw himself being pitted against Spock in a _duel to the death_ for the possession of T'pring.

Possession?

But why would he want her?

Why would he want to kill Spock for a possession of another woman he did not even know?

''I believe Captain, that we are witnessing my counterpart's first Ponn Farr,'' Spock's voice sounded dry and strained for whatever reason.'

Huh…Ponn Farr?

Spock Prime?

But, but…

Kirk's mind was a jumbled of questions and curiosities. He did not know which one he would like to voice out first.

Eventually this came out:

''Why would I want to be involved with your Ponn Farr?''

Spock's only answer to this unfortunate question was a profound impression of: _'Not now and just observe, Captain.'_

With the Vulcan in no mood to play 20 questions; Kirk was left with no choice.

He watched.

And this is what he saw:

Himself and Spock or rather their respective counterparts, fighting with strange looking devices, with Kirk obviously standing no chance of winning whatsoever.

He saw Bones' intervention, but saw nevertheless his 'death' and heard the unmistakable exclamation of surprise from his own Spock at the scene and even Kirk could not miss the look of utter devastation painting the other Spock's face.

And then suddenly they saw the scene changing back to the Enterprise – Sickbay – and greeted with a beaming Spock – beaming! – as he found out that his Captain's death was nothing more than a calculated move on the Doctor's part (he had given Prime Kirk a neural relaxant to simulate death).

Such an open and overwhelming display of emotion from a Vulcan was as rare as Vulcan rain.

'There was no denying the love there.'

Kirk couldn't stop himself from thinking the thought even if he wanted to.

Spock gave no indication to his private thoughts…there was a wall there; Kirk could feel it.

The Vulcan was shielding.

* * *

As the scene dissolved again to be replaced by another memory from another time, Kirk found himself wondering now, of what exactly was the kind of relationship that his counterpart and Spock's were having with each other.

He also wondered what good the knowledge of it would bring to his own one with this Spock.

Somehow, he felt that it was a hopeless case; as it was, it was obvious Spock was shielding from him again.

Like the Vulcan knew what Kirk was thinking and since he did not reciprocate it, decided to shield away from him as not to hurt Kirk's feelings.

Kirk's heart sank.

It was not the time for him to dwell on his lack, however, as the scene changed once again:

They were back on the Enterprise and there were many people there, delegates and diplomats and Kirk caught them talking about 'a convention in Babel' and understood that it must be that the Enterprise was tasked with the duty to escort them there.

He himself changing into formal uniform with a grumbling Bones by his side and being joined by Spock a moment after.

It was an interesting insight to Spock's family dynamics with an awkward introduction to Spock's parents and –him and Spock gasp – when they saw again the woman by Sarek's side.

It was the Lady Amanda Grayson.

''Spock,'' he whispered.

The Vulcan responded with an affirmative. ''Yes, Captain – this is indeed the vision we have seen earlier. I am intrigued.''

And so was Kirk.

He was aware of the friction between Spock and Sarek and wondered whether it applied to this Timeline – he saw nothing but Vulcan love and respect from Sarek of his own Timeline.

Most touching of all, at least where Kirk was concerned, was the kindness that Amanda seemed to be permeating. Here was a Human woman who had chosen to immerse herself in Vulcan way of life without betraying a hint of her Humanness. Kirk was impressed and where he was not personally affected so much by her death before, seeing this image of her thus, made him regret for never knowing her.

'At home nowhere, but Starfleet.'

But then, Sarek had suffered a heart attack and had to be operated and since there was not enough Vulcan blood available on board, Spock would have to be the donor for blood transfusion.

It was going well, but a surprised attack on the Prime Kirk had stirred something within the Prime Spock and he had refused to do the operation – even turned against his Mother's wishes – in favour of searching for the culprit of Kirk's attacks.

Even from a watcher's point of view, it was a painful thing to watch, seeing a Mother begging her own son to save her husband's life. And yet, Spock Prime was determined with his decisions. It earned him a slap that Kirk was sure hurt more in the soul than it did on the face.

Spock was a silent watcher beside him. Nevertheless Kirk could feel the wheels of emotions churning within the confines of the wall the Vulcan had built.

''Spock…,'' he began. He was sure this was not what Spock had expected to see.

"I am well Captain. Do not be concern.''

Kirk found it hard not to be.

* * *

He saw many moments after that vision of Spock parents. Later, when he tried to recall them back, he would be loathed to realised that he could not remember them all. What would come to him would be snatches of memories, not his own, that nevertheless possessed of deep impact on his life.

But of these memories what stood out for him the most was the deep affection held and shared between Spock Prime and his counterpart:

Shared looks and chaste touches, the brushing of fingers; secret mind-melds in the privacy of the Captain's quarters…

Sacrifices; many of these…deaths…the destruction of the Enterprise…deep profound sadness in Spock Prime because…

Kirk was intrigued and he wanted to know more, but…

Everything grew dark around him and he felt reality swirling all over him until eventually his eyes adjusted and focused.

He found that he was back in his quarters.

What?

He shook his head as his eyes adjusted slowly to the bright quarters. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts; it felt like he had been through a hurricane-filled tunnel and back.

He felt exhausted.

''Are you alright, Jim?''

Kirk blinked.

''Well, that was one hell of a ride,'' was what slipped out from his mouth.

''Indeed,'' came the dry reply. ''I take it that you are fine.''

Kirk gave a silent agreement. But he voiced another complained.

''Why did you end the meld, Spock? There was more wasn't it?''

''You have never told me that you have melded with my counterpart,'' Spock countered.

''I don't think that's public information. But it was necessary and you know that,'' after all, Spock the younger had seen that meeting with his Prime in one of the visions.

''Indeed.''

''That's the only intelligent comment you can come up with?''

That came out sounding angrier than it was.

''Jim?''

''I want to know why you ended the meld.''

''It was necessary. You are growing weary. A meld could drain an untrained person with undesirable circumstances.''

Spock paused.

Before Kirk was able to interject however, he continued, ''It was not our place to intrude in another's memory.''

Oh really?

''Then why the hell did your counterpart implanted those memories into my mind then? Obviously there are ways for him to relay information to me without opening up his own private thoughts. And aren't you the one who suggested the mind-meld in the first place?''

''Enough Jim!'' Spock's voice sounded as weary as Jim felt and was laced with frustration.

It was enough of an impact that made Kirk shut up and pay attention.

''There are things I saw in the vision that you cannot see. Not directly, but we as Vulcans are trained to be able to detect signs in melds. I can only say this to you: that my counterpart held a certain 'affection' for your counterpart. Do not ask me what it pertains, that information is not mine to tell.''

Kirk stood listening as if stupefied.

Well, he might not be Vulcan trained, but even he as a casual observer could point out what those 'affection' probably means. But he kept this thought to himself. There's no need to derail this Spock further.

Spock continued, ''As it were, I received the impression that such was his joy at meeting you on Delta Vega that he 'accidentally' imprinted his memories of your counterpart to you.''

''Accidentally?'' Kirk queried.

'I believe it is so. Otherwise I see no reason for doing so. As a Human, you are not able to retrieve such information yourself. That is, unless, you are bonded with a Vulcan.''

'_If he's bonded to a Vulcan'_

''Well now,' Kirk thought. 'What did the sly old Vulcan getting at?''

Kirk was left to wonder.

* * *

It was later in the day, and they were both still recovering from the revelation of the meld and the consequence it would bring to their relationship that there was a buzz at the door. Admittance to enter was given and both of them understandably expected Bones to appear was greeted by the familiar sight of Yeoman Janice Rand bearing the food tray.

The first thing that Kirk noticed was the fact that although Rand – as proficient as usual – to her duty, she was noticeably carefully avoiding him/Spock's eyes. Upon obtaining permission, Kirk watched her set the table with her usual efficiency, even more efficient than normal without a word. They watched her go about her duty in silence. The tension she was emanating was so palpable that Kirk wondered if she would snap.

She was just turning to leave, apparently glad to escape the scrutiny.

''Yeoman.''

The reaction was immediate. Her body turned rigid. As she turned to face him, Kirk could clearly see apprehension shining in her eyes. He found that he did not like it.

''Sir, Captain, Mr. Spock, I am terribly sorry if the food was not to your satisfaction. I was merely following Dr. McCoy's suggestion, Sir,'' Rand said defensively. To her credit, her voice was steady and professional.

Kirk could feel Spock also sharing his feeling in this matter.

''No Yeoman, the food is excellent thank you. But I believe that Mr. Spock and myself, we owe you an explanation.''

''Indeed,'' Spock added and Kirk was grateful.

For a moment Rand looked bewildered as though she was unwilling to believe her own hearing.

''Sir?''

Kirk sighed. ''You know, you have never been derelict in your duties before and I am fortunate to have you as my personal yeoman. I would just like you to know that whatever happened on the Bridge the other day was regrettable. I – we- are under a lot of stress and might have taken it on you. For that we apologise.''

A little smiled began to spread across Rand's face at that admission. She had always been the forgiving kind and she accepted the apology willingly. Truth be told, she was already regretting sending the transfer request the moment she handed it in.

''Thank you Captain, Mr. Spock. It is much appreciated.''

''Are you still going to proceed with the transfer application then Yeoman?''

Rand's face reddened. ''Um, well,' –she stammered – 'About that, Captain, 'I might've have overreacted a bit regarding that matter Sir,' she admitted. 'I would like to take it back.''

Everything was back as it was, at least regarding to his relationship to Rand. After all, Kirk did not make it a habit to terrorize his crew.

And for that matter, neither did Spock.

* * *

As they devoured their meal in silence, both deep in their own thoughts, Kirk wondered about things he have learned that might have tipped the balance regarding his relationship with Spock. It made certain things a little more complicated and they are still the Ponn Farr and its consequences. They still haven't a way to release it, so to speak.

Although, Kirk was personally very relieved that both Spock and himself were calmer now and not (yet) totally consumed by the 'blood fever' that Spock had spoken of.

Kirk shuddered involuntarily.

''Is something bothering you Jim?'' Kirk was well aware that Spock had been careful of impeaching into his mind since the meld.

'Yes loads,' he thought but didn't voice it. He sighed.

'''Mr. Spock, I won't lie to you. Everything I am currently experiencing are so overwhelming, plus the bonus fact that it could end up killing me that I wonder whether I am having a very, very prolonged nightmare or I'm going crazy,' he paused and experienced first hand the plummeting of Spock's heart.

''But, I am also very aware of one thing,'' he continued musingly.

When Spock failed to answer, Kirk finished. ''If this is indeed a nightmare Spock, I feel very glad that at least I have you here with me.''

He felt Spock returning a warm response through their mind link. Kirk found himself strongly reminded of the way Spock Prime had returned the smile to the Prime Jim.

The way his spirit was warmed by the memory felt good.

''Yes, regarding that Jim,'' Spock suddenly broke into his train of thoughts.

''What is it Spock?''

''I believe we should be contacting my counterpart for more information.''

**To Be Continued…**

***Special mention to the TOS episode 'And the Children Shall Lead' Spirkiest turbolift scene. No need to thank me. (;D)*  
**

…**that was complicated.**

…**please don't kill me**

***runs away***


	17. The Root of The Matter

**Captain Spirk**

**A/N: An apology is in order for the dastardly long wait in between updates. I'm so sorry! But here I am finally. On with the show.**

**Warning: Absolute bastardly use of Gary Mitchell ahead.**

**Chapter 17: The Root of the Matter**

As the Enterprise was currently patrolling a sector which was situated far away from New Vulcan, a rendezvous was impossible even if Spock did have a bond-mate waiting for him there. Therefore the most logical solution to the issue was for them to send a message to New Vulcan specifically to Spock Prime mostly because they both agreed that if there was anyone who could help them out of their predicament then it would be him.

He was after all, still Spock _and _on top of that, he was from the future. Perhaps he had encountered similar problems before? But the distance between them would delay the message for at least one day and there was that one pertinent fact that neither of them knew for certain that the older Spock was even _on_ Vulcan. It was not as if either Spock or himself had been keeping in touch with the older Vulcan. The oldie could be anywhere!

Ambassador Sarek was currently on Earth for a conference – a fact confirmed by Spock. And at this distance, Earth was further away from their location than New Vulcan was so they decided not to trouble Sarek for the time being. Furthermore, Spock was decidedly positive that even his resourceful Father would not be able to aid them in this complicated matter. Kirk had agreed whole heartedly – he had no desire to be seen thus by the esteemed Ambassador. Spock shared his thoughts. _As if they have much time to begin with anyway._

That was not to say that they should expect the older Spock to actually be _able_ to help – there was no guarantee – but they were really running out of options. It didn't help that they had received a sudden contact from Admiral Komack late during ship's night, apparently it was morning and sunny in San Francisco, demanding to speak face to face with the Captain regarding the report on the Klingon attack. Apparently there were some matters regarding the report Komack was not happy about. But such thing was not new. Everyone on active starship duties knew what an ass Komack could be. And the Admiral made it his responsibility to hassle Kirk as much as he could possibly managed.

The answer Komack had received informing him that both the Captain and First Officers were on medical leave was definitely not to the Admiral's liking and Kirk (in particular) and Spock (inadvertently) were definitely in deep shit with high command until Bones – God bless the Doctor - saved the day by giving the Admiral the (invented) medical explanation on how serious the situation was. And Scotty, as the acting Captain– bless his soul too – did a good job of explaining things to the Admiral. So in the end, while Komack was still not entirely please ("I want to speak to Kirk once he recovers. Is that clear?")but at least the both of them were more or less not about to face a court – martial.

If Kirk's stress level was not dangerously high to begin with, this altercation with Starfleet had certainly helped to elevate it.

* * *

So the second day of their joint (in more ways than one) medical leave started and tomorrow would be the end of the three day period that Bones had allowed them to get this whole mess sorted out. Neither Kirk nor Spock was keen on reporting to Sickbay as that alone would obviously not solve the problem and even might create new ones.

Alone in the confinement of their quarters with nobody but each other for company the two most dynamic minds churned inwardly.

The morning started as a trial to the young Captain. Kirk had woken up to a sensation that demanded his immediate attention. Kirk felt the sudden overwhelming urge to release himself. It was not an entirely foreign concept to him of course. Early morning erections were the norm for a young and healthy Human male he was. And Kirk was never the celibate kind in the first place anyway.

But he had not experience any at all since he found himself sharing a body with Spock. He had felt the inexplicable heat emanating from within him sometimes, yes, the dreams were very vivid and sexually stimulating but yet he had never – not even once – felt the stirring of desire physically then. Perhaps that was an effect of Spock's Vulcan physiology. Knowing how in control the Vulcans were in general, Kirk would attempt a guess that they do not experience the same physiological urges that Human males battle on a daily basis.

No doubt Spock would find the whole thing illogical even with the whole Ponn Farr issue standing between them.

But the thing is, there's no denying matters when you are inundated by it. And awkwardly enough as if this was a punishment to his past promiscuity, he was so very conscious that relieving himself might be near impossible – no make that absolutely so. Spock was still slumbering. Kirk was sure of that. They'd been stuck to each other long enough now for Kirk to be able to pick up Spock's personalities characteristics and the Vulcan nuances. Needless to say, despite the mortal predicament he found himself in, Kirk could never deny that he found Spock's alien idiosyncracies adorable.

"Better not let Spock hear that."

But whatever warm feelings he felt towards his First Officer didn't mean that he'd feel comfortable doing it with Spock around. Kirk checked again; Spock was still asleep and he was still horny. Gritting his teeth, he shut his eyes with a snap chanting fretfully to himself. "Go to sleep. Go to sleep." Hoping that he might, just might, make himself fall asleep again. But the chanting was futile . And it did not offer immediate relief. He figured counting sheep would be useless as well. Not that it had ever worked before. Kirk sighed as he reopened his eyes.

The quarters (his own) were in complete darkness. It took a moment for his previously tightly-shut eyes to readjust to the dim lighting. But he soon adjusted (faster than he normally would) and found himself pondering life as he'd never pondered before, staring at the darkened ceiling like it held the secrets to life.

Kirk shifted slightly in order to make himself more comfortable but was careful not to wake Spock. He had since discovered that Vulcan possessed an even greater sense of perception than he had thought and the slightest stimulation could trigger a response. But it was not so today. Apparently Spock was exhausted. Mentally exhausted no doubt, after their mind-meld. Kirk himself was feeling very fatigued after that but had awoken with this…discomfort.

Contrary to popular believes, Jim Kirk was not entirely an individual perpetually consumed with the fire of sexual desire. It was a myth that he had purposely invented to enhance his image. But the reputation stuck and he did not really care if it did. He had always known from the very beginning that he could be extremely desirable in the eyes of women, Human or otherwise and even to some men too.

His charm had worked his magic in various situations, official, social or otherwise. It had become part of his legend.

Kirk admitted that he did enjoy the attention and the company. Well, let's just say that he had never lacked them whenever he needed them. But most of them were just a whimsical fancy and not enough to fill the lack in his existence. Flings, Bones would call it wearing that long suffering scowl he had always reserved especially for Kirk.

He was always well aware that he was lusted by some of his own crew. Some of them Bones had pointed out to him in amusement like the one nurse who would blush furiously if Kirk so much as turned up in Sickbay, others he unfortunately had encountered upon himself several utterly distasteful times. Like Rand's fixation with him for example. Of course Kirk knew all about that even without Bones' help. But even Kirk the so-called galactic Casanova preferred not to be involved with subordinates. It created issues he would not care to embroil in.

It's not that he was averse to love per se really. Once upon a time, he was also one of the naïve farm boys in search of his one true love. Heh. It sounded absolutely removed from the person he had now become. But that was indeed the truth until he had learned a lesson on love the hard way.

* * *

He was all of 19 years old at the time; the kind of age where young men often mistakenly thought that they were indestructible and so often ended up in all sorts of trouble. And Kirk was no exception. But he was also deeply in love with a girl from his home town called Carol Marcus, or so he thought he was. She was the first ever girl whom Kirk had truly loved and considered spending his life with. But the whole charade was exposed when he later learned that the whole relationship with Carol was part of Gary Mitchell's plan. Mitchell was his childhood friend and had always held the reputation as the town's prankster. So in retrospect, Kirk should have known.

But he was young then and he was in love.

It was half a practical joke apparently on Mitchell's part – he was laying a bet that that the untouchable Jim Kirk could actually truly, whole-heartedly fall in love. Well mission accomplished. Kirk did fell head over heels over Carol. She was perfect – too perfect – as a matter of fact when he thought about it later, no doubt Mitchell had kindly supplied her with every single information regarding him and his personal life.

It was the most perfect diabolical plan and Kirk even bought her a diamond ring to propose when he overheard the conversation between Carol and Mitchell that would change everything.

Flashback:

Young Jim Kirk was beaming. He had been working at the antiques shop at the corner of the street for just one purpose. He'd been planning it for months now, ever since he'd made up his mind that she was the one who had won his heart. Kirk never ever thought that was possible – not for someone like him but Carol was the ideal girl in every way possible.

Her bombshell looks aside (and she totally was gifted in the genetic lottery part), she was the first girl – woman – that had ever understood him completely. While most girls in their hometown looked upon him as nothing but trash, Carol was different. She understands him. She would listen to his dreams, his secret desires for the stars and she never once chided him or laughed at him. She was his soul mate – never mind that he never believed in such a thing before.

He had worked hard for this. Had been working extra time at the quarry too just so that he could afford the item he currently clutched in his palm. Took him nearly half a year to acquire it but as he opened the black velvet box to reveal the treasure inside he was content. In ways he himself cannot describe. The single diamond glittered brightly under Iowa's summer sun. Kirk's smile widened.

Today would be the day. He had everything planned. His feet carried him to the river side restaurant where they had their first date eagerly. The feeling of excitement and nervous anticipation grew as his stride took him nearer to the appointed destination. Kirk was going to be early. He had wanted to discuss last minute details with the manager to ensure that his plan would go off without a hitch. Carol would be pleasantly surprised.

So after rehashing the details with the restaurateur Kirk made his way to their usual table. There was a wall that separated him with the small area ahead – a private parlour where dining guests could gaze upon the open water. It was a beautiful place, Kirk loved it dearly and knew that Carol did too. It was perfect.

Voices from within caught his attention though and he halted near the wall. Two voices – a man and a woman. One was definitely Carol's...the other one...

Gary?

Kirk contemplated making his presence known but there was something, a feeling that stopped him in his tracks. He felt like a fool when he found himself flattening against the wall near a palm tree in an act to remain inconspicuous. He did not know why he felt like he was intruding, wasn't that his fiancee to be and his best friend in there? What has he got to be suspicious about?

But he was. For one thing, Gary wasn't supposed to be there, although Kirk did informed his intentions to the other man – the only person Kirk had confided about it. Did Gary tell Carol and spoil the surprise? If he did Kirk was going to kill him – after Carol said yes, of course.

Laughter broke into his inner monologue. Kirk listened and froze.

In the end, Kirk was the one who found himself surprised. Heartbreakingly, foolishly surprised. So it was just an elaborate joke after all. Gary had thought it would be funny to see if the indomitable Jim Kirk could ever fall so helplessly in love and he had succeeded. So with Carol's aid – apparently money was involved Kirk really could not recalled the explicit details, they concocted the perfect seduction. One that even Jim Kirk could not deny. It was masterful, it was classy. It was all but a lie.

When he had heard their conversation, he felt like he was watching a little parody, a play that involved him. Carol didn't really loved him after all, despite what she said to him_ after_ he made his presence known via a champagne holding server inquiring why in the world was he hiding there. They were shocked to see him there though if the double look of dismay on their faces were an indication.

Of course, by that point Kirk was beyond caring. He was numb. Feelings did not exist just then. And despite their efforts at explaining, Kirk had heard enough. He had been a fool for a while it seemed – a pawn in their quest for amusement. But no more. Enough is enough.

He left them staring after him, pushing his way past the poor bewildered server still bearing the champagne.

Only later did Kirk remembered that he had left the ring behind.

* * *

And yet, despite the deception, Kirk knew that he could not – never would - forget her. But as with everything in life, the pain soon dulled and he found himself in the arms of women after women. It never stopped – not even when his life took a turn in a direction he never imagined. At Starfleet, his reputation as a lothario was legendary even during his cadet days.

Now, even as a Captain of a flagship, it continued – albeit more subtly. On shore leaves, on diplomatic missions even, he could always find a willing partner to warm his bed. It was like a thirst that could never be quenched. It always left him feeling a little dirty after the deed but he felt like he could never stop.

As a matter of fact, he was at his charming and seductive best just over a week ago with the High Chancellor of the planet Zeldon to obtain the ever important Dilithium Crystal. Kirk had to admit that he was absolutely enthralled by her as she was by him. And thus began the cycle of Casanova Kirk peculiar brand of diplomacy.

What he really yearned for – as clichéd as it sounded - was a meaningful relationship with someone who really mattered. Only one person had had the bravado – or the foolishness - to throw that fact to his face.

"Things are only clichéd because they are true Jim," McCoy had imparted those words of wisdom to him one day not too long ago after he'd found himself extricated from yet another relationship. That particular one had ended quite nastily too. She refused to let go and he couldn't get away fast enough. But McCoy was ignored and life continued.

Somehow that mission on Zeldon was also the moment which shed a whole new light upon his First Officer. He recalled now Spock's disapproving looks when he had courted the counsellor. Spock had never approved of such methods before but this time he was particularly against it. The Vulcan had been hovering around them a lot too! Spock _never _hovered needlessly. So that behaviour was odd. It's not like the Chancellor would attack him or anything, not like _that _anyway. And now that Kirk thought about it, his First Officer seemed to dislike the woman too.

Spock was always polite and politically correct anywhere and to anyone. But he was acting coldly towards her in a way Kirk had never seen him before. Strange. Especially since the Vulcan inherently knew how important the mission was and failure would definitely resulted in death. Not only for them but for the entire crew of the Enterprise as well. The stake was high and Spock _obviously_ knew it but still there he was openly projecting dislike to the person who could change misfortune into hope although fortunately it was not obvious. Meaning it was not obvious to anyone else, but Kirk was far too trained on Spock lore to miss it.

If he didn't know better, Kirk would suspect that Spock was _jealous_. But he did know better, or so he thought and dismissed the foolish notion.

* * *

Kirk didn't know when his hand had travelled the distance in between the sheets to where it now currently resided at the seam of the pyjama opening. God, he was truly desperate for relief! Kirk had never been a religious person but if there was a higher power in this universe he prayed fervently for respite.

Especially now because his hard on was not abating.

Kirk groaned inwardly. In his head, he felt Spock awakening.

Please don't wake up now – sleep Spock do, please.

"Jim?"

Oh no. Spock would definitely find out about his – or their – current condition.

"Uh…"

"What is it?"

Kirk was confused. What was what?

"Is something the matter? You seemed distressed."

"Er…"

Silence from the other man. And then: "Oh." Spock had obviously discovered the big – pun absolutely intended - situation between them. _Now_ would be a great time for that Klingon ambush.

'Oh' indeed. A thousand different excuses sprang to Kirk's mind to explain and he was just beginning to select the best one when he detected profound interest – of all things – from Spock. _What the - ? _

"Fascinating."

And of all the things the Vulcan could have uttered in this vast expanse of universal languages.

"Look Spock, I can explain." _Course you can Kirk – it is damn obvious after all._

"This isn't what you think." _Oh really_. Even to his ears that sounded lame. If Spock was the snorting kind, Kirk knew he would have.

"This condition is what Human called an erection, correct?" Trust Spock to put it out so clinically.

"Uh yeah."

"I thought it is often preceded by a sexual urge." _Touche'._

Kirk could not believe this. He had thought that Spock would be embarrassed – in a Vulcan way , of course. Instead the Vulcan was treating this like it's a private Human physiology lesson. He even was making astute observations and repeating them out loud to him as though this was nothing more than one of his science project in the labs.

Then again – how exactly did Kirk wanted Spock to react?

"Yeah." Kirk regretted to say that his awesome sexual prowess did not work on Spock. And it somehow seemed turning off to be speaking of this so very…intellectually. Although of course, since this was Spock, that should not have surprised him. But still, it was disappointing to him that Spock had found the matter interesting academically but not so much sexually.

And the problem that was plaguing him for the morning subsided. Just like that.

Spock was still staring at their, um, manhood.

"It is no longer erected."

The Vulcan's ability towards scientific observation was astounding. Kirk didn't know whether to feel amused or exasperated.

"Well that's good." He said it a bit vehemently.

Spock seemed genuinely surprised at his tone.

"You seemed displeased."

Kirk sighed. In truth, he was supposed to feel relieved that Spock had not found the incident embarrassing or thought lowly of him. But there was this feeling inside him that suggested that he would very much preferred it if Spock had been stimulated too – in sexual terms. Especially since it was the advent of his Ponn Farr and every thing.

He reprimanded himself after that thought. He'd be damned if Spock caught his errant thoughts.

"Are you experiencing desire, Jim?"

Kirk nearly choked. "What?" _What the hell?_

"I have observed that you had not experience erection all the time we were joint together, this is the first time in a long while."

Wow. Spock was definitely one astute observer. This must _definitely_ be punishment for all the hearts he had broken in the past. Although Spock was wrong in certain things. Yes, this was the first time that Kirk had experienced an erection. Yet no, today was not the only day that he had experienced intense sexual desire. The thrumming engines of the Enterprise seemed inexplicably loud in his ears.

"I…," he hesitated. "Look Spock, listen."

"I am Jim."

"OK. It's difficult to explain these things to you. It's rather personal."

Of course it was. Extremely, deeply personal stuff.

Spock was listening thoughtfully. "You do not wish to share such personal things with me."

There was definitely a tinge of regret in that normally controlled tone.

So Kirk felt like he was threading on shaky grounds here. How in the hell did he found himself in this predicament in the first place?

"Well things like these aren't exactly normal conversations. Not even among Humans." He was speaking the truth. Heck he'd never had this kind of conversations with anyone before – not even his numerous past lovers. Not even Carol for that matter.

He felt something – he'd like to say 'mood' but was not sure of it lighten in Spock again.

"Ah. This is a new ground for even you."

Kirk had to smirk at that. "I'm not an expert at everything Spock." Then added wistfully. "Although I like to pretend otherwise."

A moment of silence followed although it was not uncomfortable.

"Forgive me."

Kirk started. "Spock?"

The Vulcan did not hesitate. "Forgive me Jim. It was not my place to pry."

_He's so sweet._ Although that word would be the last thing anyone in the Universe would ever associate with Spock, Kirk did not mind being the first and perhaps the only one to apply it to the Vulcan. It made Kirk giddy. And he had not done giddy for such a long, long time. May be not even ever.

"Sweet Jim?"

And suddenly Jim knew that he was in big trouble. There was light teasing in Spock's voice and Kirk felt something stirred deeply within him. It was a feeling that had not been aroused within him for a very long time. Kirk was jolted by a sense of shock at the realisation. Between the visions in the meld and this feeling of warmness he felt in Spock's presence; he should have known.

Shit. Could it be?

**To Be Continued**

**Please R&R**


	18. The Importance of Being Honest

**Captain Spirk**

**A/N: I'm baaaaaaaaaaack! (crickets chirp). Thank you so very much for all the reviews and alerts! I'm surprised (and extremely pleased) that they are still new readers discovering the fic. To all reviewers – thank you for your kind words and encouragement. I know I'm terrible at replying to each review personally but please know that all of them are deeply appreciated. **

**Chapter 18: The Importance of Being Honest**

"_**It may seem difficult at first; but everything is difficult at first." - Miyamoto Musashi**_

In the end, their attempt to reach the older Spock was unsuccessful. The older man, quite possibly their last hope at salvation was just simply out of reach. And dear God, Kirk was tired. They had spent the whole day trying to locate the elusive Vulcan to no avail. In this closed up quarters, Kirk was feeling restless despite his exhaustion; both mentally and physically.

The night had gotten too long, too dark and too hot. Kirk felt awfully strange. Spock had been quite; too quiet as a matter of fact. Kirk didn't seemed to be able to rouse the other man from what presumably was a deep sleep. Not that he wanted to. He knew too well that both of them needed their rest for what could possibly be the last stretch of their lives. It was insane and impossible. It was irreversibly, his reality.

He sighed into the darkened room unheeding of the fact that his breath was hot steam even in the air conditioned room. He needed sleep badly, he knew, but it was simply eluding him. And in his nearly delirious state he had allowed his mind to wander away again.

He was in love.

He, James Tiberius Kirk, is totally, absolutely, truly, _terribly _in love with Spock son of Sarek of Vulcan.

He was so positively screwed.

"Too bad that you always wish for things you cannot have."

Frank – that bastard – had said it to his face in mocking when he was little, often enough that he had actually believed it.

But 'cannot have' has never stopped him from wanting anyway.

In retrospect to this illuminating knowledge was the fact that he should have known that this was coming for him from miles away. What was it that people used to say? That hate is just one step away from love. Kirk loved his literature. He really did. As a matter of fact, it often surprise (or shock) many people to know that he reads (yes, he does) great literary works of the Masters of old. Kirk found that his current engagement with his First Officer to be more than a little worthy for the finer works of the likes of Shakespeare.

But the life changing event that would take place should he acknowledge and make bold his intentions to his First Officer was what stayed Kirk's tongue from admitting there and then what he held within him for Spock. Kirk could never really point out when exactly he had realised that Spock was more special to him than just an acquaintance.

For one thing, Spock would surely soon enough deemed him unreasonable and illogical - Kirk would bet his life on it. For another there goes his number one rule of non-involvement with subordinates. That was so not Kirk's style. As Captain of the vessel, he's definitely not keen on the high possibility of being 'emotionally compromised' when every duty might put either Spock or himself in the line of fire. It happened often enough in this life of theirs that Kirk knew it was an inevitable outcome.

Also, he had never been with a man before - Human or otherwise. But still, Kirk was nothing if not adaptable - he was pretty sure _that_ part of the love equation he'd be able to manage just fine. Kirk, after all wouldn't mind leading and being led so to speak. The eagerness and spikes of desire he had felt in those heated dreams were proof to that. Secretly, the possibility of being dominated was exciting to him anyway. So this fact was just a trivial matter.

So that matter aside; it left just one more thing for him to consider: Spock's consent and mutual, well, agreement regarding this. Kirk really wished it was that simple. If it was a girl, he'd have no qualms about voicing his proposal. Heck he could do it to another man with no problem. He'd have them known of his own intent right away, whether the answer he received be yes (often times) or no (that one time he tried to pick Uhura up).

Due to the fact that he was more or less able to detect the gist of the Vulcan's nuances, he knew now that Spock did regard him in a way different than he did others (Kirk would dearly loved to say 'special') but that would be pushing it. But nevertheless, this was Spock, for goodness sake! Spock who was not only his First Officer but a Vulcan to top it all off. Kirk could only imagine how awkward it would be. Scrape awkward - it's downright ridiculous.

How do you tell a Vulcan your feelings? Even thinking it seemed like a terrible idea. He wondered how Uhura had done it. And Spock was even willing - Kirk cringed at the sudden jealousy that thought provoked - so obviously the Vulcan was definitely not averse to a romantic relationship. Nope, not at all.

But then again Uhura was also a woman, godamnit. Of course it was a logical selection for Spock. But his masculinity would not contribute much he supposed. After all, Vulcans being as logical as they were, they'd expect natural childbearing to be a part of the process, wouldn't they? Kirk would hazard a guess that it would, considering recent events. And Kirk was definitely - despite the advent of medical advancement - and as awesome as he was, will never ever going to be able to provide in _that_ direction. There's only so much that technology can do.

He sighed as a heavy feeling settled at the bottom of his stomach making him vaguely nauseous

Kirk really didn't know whether he should laugh or cry. Maybe he should do both and blame it on the Ponn Farr. Of all the convoluted things that had happened to him thus far; this one surely takes the cake. Of all the people on this whole big endless universe to fall in love with, it just had to be Spock.

"Had always been Spock," a voice whispers at the back of his head. Even on that very first time on that fateful day that had meshed their lives together. There was just something about the Vulcan that had always attracted Kirk. Like a deadly poison slowly but surely coursing through his veins. Perhaps this is his Achilles heel asserting itself. Kirk had always been a sucker at wanting to prove that he could achieve the impossible. It must be the ego maniac in him. He'd always been told that the other thing bigger than his head was his ego.

Not that he'd care much for talk anyway. To him talk is cheap and useless.

But there are certain words that had transcended even the test of time. And Kirk suddenly found his ego defeated by them.

I love you.

One sentence. Consisting of three words. Three simple words that for time immemorable had delighted, deluded and despaired over by Human kind. It was just three words. Just three simple _damn_ words. And here he was held busy trying to not say it by virtue of self-preservation.

Against what? A part of his mind cried. Why are you torturing yourself so?

It was just so easy to let it out. It's true; this was torture. This self-inflicted pain he was going through. God, it would be so easy, so very easy to just let it out. They're both facing death in the face anyway now if Bones's estimation was correct. And the esteemed Doctor's medical abilities despite his erratic personality had never been in question. Not to mention that Spock had confirmed that in the affirmative too.

So what was it?

Despite whatever evidence he had seen as recent as yesterday, he would never know what exactly that Spock was thinking and...feeling. They have been in tuned with each other so much it was almost frightening, but Kirk found that he was still able to hide things, intimate thoughts - from the other brilliant mind currently sharing the space. He knew that Spock was shielding his thoughts too.

A part of him, the part that had grown closer and closer to the person he was sharing this bizarre situation with, was almost sure that the other man felt like he did. That Spock was also in love with him. That one thought alone was enough to make Kirk keel over and die from the sheer wonder of it all. But this was a deeper feeling than mere fleeting fancy, Kirk knew. Knew inherently that these feelings were not bourne of simple things like physical attraction. Granted, Spock was gorgeous. And God damn it - Kirk would never ever say it aloud - but Spock was gorgeous. In an outerwordly elegant way of his that only Spock could carry. On other people it would just seemed drab and boring, but on Spock they're everything but.

It was a feeling that had slowly grown even when the seed that had planted it had long been forgotten. Kirk was never unsure over anything. But he had wanted to make it perfect. Make it wonderful for both of now that the cat was out of the proverbial bag, that he had taken this feeling he felt into absolute serious consideration, he knew it wasn't just a newly discovered crush. But then again, the more cynical part of his concsiousness whispered, what if all this feelings of love and affection a by-product of the Ponn Farr and not of Kirk's own willing desire.

"Indeed," as Spock would say. What of that?

But then Kirk had remembered that scene in the mind meld; the one where a fiercely beautfiul sea was chipping away at a rapidly crumbling peak of a volcano. Kirk wasn't stupid in the slightest and Spock's evasiveness in explaining the metaphor made it even more obvious. Call him an egotistical bastard, he knew – inherently – that the sea was a representation of himself. And the tumbling peak was Spock personified. It seemed that Kirk's very existance in his lifehad shaken Spock to the core. Wasn't that what the scene was implying? That they needed each other, twisted though it may be.

Really, what the hell had he done that was bad enough to merit this? His hand had shot to the side of his head, absently massaging the throbbing ache that had just erupted.

It was beginning to be a little bit too much. Kirk felt like a rubber band that had been pulled and stretched to its limits. He didn't think that he would be able to keep the truth away much longer. He was exhausted beyond belief. And in his heart he knew this; that Spock had known about it too. Suddenly, as sure as the sun will rise over the horizon every single morning of his life on Earth, Kirk saw the truth very clearly.

There's no two ways around it. The truth must be known now, or Kirk knew that he'll regret it forever. If he even lived long enough to see another day.

According to Spock there was only one way out of their predicament anyway. The Ponn Farr would be abated in an act of love. In an act of madness. And if love is not akin to madness, then Kirk does not know what is. He was willing to sacrifice for the sake of it. He did not know how exactly he was supposed to make love to Spock (if the latter was even willing) when they were sharing the same body but... he'll figure it out later. In what could possibly be the worse timing ever, his hazy, red-fog clouded brain was shutting down...

Was he – are they – _dying_?

"Spock..." he called but there was no answer.

"Spock?" he tried again. Panic rose within him when there was no reply. The heat seemed to intensify and sweat beaded upon his brows.

Kirk struggled as a sense of weakness suddenly pervaded him. He needed to rouse Spock and tell him the truth before it was too late.

He called upon his last reserves of strength, summoned the courage and...

"Jim."

"What are you afraid of?"

"Jim..."

"Huh?"

Kirk didn't know when he had doze off when he was suddenly jerked awake by the soft call of his name.

"Open your eyes"

The pressure of a warm body pressing close to him and the hot breath on his face surprised him. Kirk's eyes squinted as they adjusted to the dim lighting snapped open. He felt a sense of deja vu.

Staring down on him was Spock. And there was a preditorial glint in the dark eyes and a smirk in the normally stoic face.

What the hell?

A smirking Spock. Kirk was hit with a sense of deja vu.

The dreams...this was just another dream.

The smirk on Spock's face turned into a full blown grin. It was a beautifull yet intimidating sight, and sent a shiver down his spine.

The look was sexy as hell.

**To Be Continued**

**I smell lemon approaching. Do you? XD**


	19. Our Echo

**Captain Spirk**

**A/N: Alright, firstly, I admit I need a stoning for the intolerably long delay of the delivery of this chapter. Let me apologise deeply and thoroughly for making a lot of you wait hellishly long. Life has taken over (as per usual) and my move to the UK made me have to put all else aside until I settle down – which I have now. To all the nice readers who have sent me wonderful reviews and pm – thank you very much for your continuous encouragement and support. Again, I was not able to reply to every reviews but please know that they are all appreciated and loved.**

**Warning: The story has cross over to the Mature side now and due discretion apply to such circumstances. I think most of you would have guessed from the previous chapter that this might be the case :) I warned also that I am terrible at writing smut and if this chapter is a poor representation of what you are expecting, please forgive me. Also, please note that since the last time I updated until now, my tone and writing style may have changed slightly. Nothing major though. **

**So after that horrendously lenghty author's note, onwards!**

**Chapter 19: Our Echo**

The sight of that eyes and that smirk – that oh-so-sensual smirk – upon the normally inscrutable face nearly sent Kirk into high heavens. And the dream had only just begun.

"Jim."

Kirk's body trembled under the assault of the smoky voice of the man who was his first officer. And then there was lips. Hungry and demanding upon his own. He responded with as much fervour as he could possibly managed. This. This was better than the previous dreams. On the other dreams he was hesitant, always very reserved and scared of the animalistic desire he sense colouring Spock's aura. He would always ended getting devoured anyway – Kirk shivered at the word – but he never really consented to anything before. Previously, Spock had always claimed and taken whether he be willing or not.

But tonight, tonight Kirk wanted it, relished it, demanded it, dammit. Give it to me, I'll take everything Spock. Oh please! The heat enveloped him, left him wanting, needing, despairing for relief of his beloved's touch. Wanting Spock's touch. Once he realised and accepted his own feelings, Kirk knew he needed this. He would die if this thirst was not quench. "Spock," breathily he called. "I want - ,"

He didn't finish for Spock was upon him once more, his lips pressed insistently upon Kirk's even as hands roamed on the toned flesh of Kirk's skin. Kirk had never felt such a burning need before, not with anyone and his body responded accordingly, filled him with an unquenchable need that no one but Spock could satisfy. He knew he was acting out of the ordinary, he had never been this wanton before, but for now he did not care. As dramatic as it sounded, if Spock did not touch him now, he felt that he would surely die.

He moaned when the other's fingers began moving downward towards hotter, more sensitive areas, where his desire throbbed painfully. The warm hands – warmer than any Human's could ever be – stroked hardened flesh and Kirk felt himself bucked unconsciously, wanting more, more, _more_...he was losing himself, God, that had felt so damn freaking good, as that skilled hands moved up and down, drawing gasps of steamed breath forth from his lips.

This was perfect, this was everything...but...

There was a sound like a whimper as if Spock was in pain and suddenly the hands were withdrawing away from him. Spock was withdrawing away, leaving Kirk feeling instantly cold and bereft.

No! His thoughts screamed at him.

There was a barrier there that Kirk could feel erected between him and Spock, preventing them from each other. With a sudden premonition Kirk realised that the barrier was a projection by Spock himself. He was fighting against the inevitable. Fighting this from happening between them. Kirk felt a sudden spike of hurt rose in his heart. That act of compassion was not in tandem with the dreams he had before. In those dreams, heated and excited as he was, Kirk could always tell that there was hesitation on his part. Spock in those dreams, on the other hand, was a tormentor. He took and claimed with all but a word. Yet despite that, in the end, Kirk had always relented. Giving in to his darkest desires and so allowed himself to be consumed.

If Spock was his apocalypse, then Kirk would take his doom willingly.

And yet...why? The ponn farr was burning them both up, Kirk knew and yet Spock was still fighting it? For fear of hurting him? But never in those dreams – not ever – had the domineering Vulcan considered Kirk's willingness. Kirk had never been openly consenting in those dreams, true, yet he had never stopped Spock either.

_Why?_

Did Kirk read this wrongly? Was Spock not in love with him as he had thought? But even then, as heartbreaking as it was to learn that Spock might not love him back, there was no other option that Kirk could see. They would die otherwise. Together as one. What a terrible irony. However, as romantic as the idea sounded in his mind, Kirk have no desire to go out in this way. After all, McCoy would have his head if he even dared to die now, let alone like this.

Kirk knew what he wanted now. It was clear to him. And Spock needed it too. Whatever it was that Spock sought from him: friendship, brotherhood, and love, Kirk was willing to give him. Anything for Spock, anything at all – even his own life if need be. Whatever the outcome of this, Kirk would take what he was given as long as he lived with Spock by his side. Selfish? Perhaps, Kirk did not care.

"Jim," Spock's voice was hoarse, as if he was struggling and fighting against his own dark and selfish desires.

"I do not wish to hurt you," even now the sense of compassion prevailed in Spock.

Kirk sighed, slowly pushing himself up, his body feeling strangely heavy. "Spock, please, what are you talking about?" He reached a hand out for the Vulcan, felt himself cringed when the other backed away from the contact.

"I know you well, Captain. I do not wish to impose upon you a bond that would oppress you for a lifetime."

"Then you do not know me as well as you claimed," he countered, feeling slightly lightheaded somehow and wondering why in the world could things never be simple for him. The red fog that had cleared when he awoken to Spock's touch was gathering against his vision once more. Kirk breathed deeply and closed his eyes to clear it. Slowly he spoke and wish that Spock would understand.

"I want you Spock – I consent to this," he proclaimed, "And I am willing to be together with you even if it meant being in a committed relationship for the rest of my life."

Spock looked hopeful and slightly crestfallen all at the same time. Fascinating expression on one usually so reserved. "Captain," he whispered as if in awe. "But you do not understand what you are committing to," he protested although it sounded weak and frail in the suffocating air.

"Enough of this."

Kirk's hands moved to clasp that beloved face between them as he stared unflinchingly into that dark, beautiful eyes. He felt like he was falling into a dark tunnel. Falling into the darkness willingly and without fear. He embraced the Vulcan then, enveloped that strong body against his and he whispered fiercely and passionately into the charmingly pointed ear:

"I want you to only look at me this way. No one else."

Kirk felt Spock's body trembled at this and he felt his own responded. "Spock," he gasped trying to get his voice steady against the lust stirring like a storm within him. "I want this," Kirk breathed. There was neither fear nor hesitation in his voice, looking straight into the Vulcan's deep dark eyes. He was sure of this, sure of them. Without hesitation he proclaimed:

"I love you."

That was all he needed to say for Spock to let the barrier go instantly. And Spock's passion, long held under the iron grip of the strength of Vulcan control was unleashed. When before the air was heavy with uncertainty, now it clogged heavily with outpouring of desire. Kirk's words had opened a floodgate from within the Vulcan.

Spock, beautiful and glowing and now the inheritor of his heart.

And then what had been interrupted, resumed. Spock climbed onto the bed and pressed Kirk onto the firm mattress, with keen intentions. Now that permission had been given and received. They gazed upon each other before lips claimed each other hungrily, hands gliding over muscles, caressing the tender areas of Kirk's chest as he himself enjoyed the feel of Spock's smooth hair as his fingers entangle it, as Spock plundered his willing mouth.

He felt, Spock's warm fingers upon his face, gentle, searching, probing. A gentle pressure, and then...

Kirk gasped.

Slowly the world began to dissolve from around him. And he saw and hear and felt, everything at once. Of the strength, of the essence that made his beloved who he was. Colours and beautiful landscapes, dark stormy clouds and a vast understanding that this was Spock. His Spock, one and only, as only he was allowed to see and this was the Vulcan way of conveying the same message Kirk had been struggling to control.

Because this was the Vulcan way, strange and unfamiliar as it was to a Human, but no less beautiful for its honesty and truths.

This was Spock conveying to Kirk of his feelings.

Touching and touched. Forever.

I love you. My beloved. _I love only you._

It was the image of surrender, of control relinquished.

All of a sudden he understood. Of Spock's feelings, of his own and everything they meant to each other. Spock was everything to him. Even as Kirk himself was everything to Spock. And Kirk knew that at that very moment Spock knew it too. The heat intensified, set to engulfed both of them till their bodies turned to ashes awaiting a phoenix reborn. Warm hands, exploring the rivets and curves of his body ardently. Because he wanted Spock, even as Spock had wanted him. Always forever, touching and touched. He heard the echo of the spoken words in his mind, rather than hearing Spock voicing them out loud.

At the moment, no traces of his calm and collected First Officer could be seen on this creature. The cool eyes had been replaced by smouldering fires and his breath sent a fiery tingle across Kirk's own heated skin. Spock's hands – the strong hand of the Vulcan race – was a burning furnace on his skin. He held Kirk's body like it was a lyra that Vulcan musical instrument that Spock was so fond of, in a tender yet passionate grip.

"Ah," Kirk heard the pant and need in his own voice as that skilled hand found the sensitive area in between his thighs.

Spock had taken him then, countless times, because they needed no words. Between them, the boundary of permission had long since dissolved. Had ceased to exists the moment Kirk's heart recognised its sole counterpart in Spock. Spock had claimed him fearlessly and without remorse because the Vulcan inherently knew that Kirk would not have denied him anything.

_Take everything you need, beloved. All I am belongs to you._

When the warm fingers wrapped themselves again around the sensitive centre of Kirk's body, a ragged moan escaped red lips parted with desire. Spock's gaze was unrelenting upon his face; lustful and demanding, mirroring Kirk's own. There was a note of something else hidden behind the deep cover of desire: affection. The knowledge excited and warmed him in ways beyond the physical. Satisfaction gleamed in the dark depths, as if Kirk's sudden hesitation was the last barrier to overcome.

And then came the cumulation of the anticipation. Spock was at once gentle and fierce, burning and cold, torment and saviour to Kirk who was simply stunningly overwhelmed by the array of stimulations provided to him. As Spock's emotions and feeling swirls alongside him and within him, even as their bodies joint and moved together.

Soon Kirk was lost in nothing but Spock. The feelings of that warm hands stroking, caressing and worshiping each and every corner of his most secret places.

"Spock, I can't," he gasped raggedly, fingers tight and clenching the strong, broad shoulders. A little bit more and he would be lost. Spock was moving again, steady and hypnotic above him, his eyes burning and smouldering, his cheeks tainted a darkening hue, and normally neat hair in disarray.

"Beautiful," Kirk thought dazedly.

In his mind's eye, Kirk could clearly see that majestic volcano, bursting into flames,

Crumbling into the welcoming sea. It sputtered, hissed, and then all was calm. The only sign of a bitter descent was a cloud of misty steam that was rising from where the hot stones met the cold water. The volcano was at ease finally and Kirk could not help but smile.

And suddenly Spock was moving again and it tore a ragged groan to escape him. Spock's ability to multi-task was impressive if Kirk actually had control of his mind and body just then to appreciate it. A that moment though, he was simply lost in sensations as hands, lips, tongue and teeth explored every inch of exposed skin thoroughly. Pleasure and pain, mingled together and he was lost.

Moments later after the madness has passed – or have we died and this is heaven?, Kirk wondered lightly – he felt Spock's warm body pressed against him and an arm draped across his chest. Spock's showered warm kisses all over his exposed neck, the gesture soft and tender after their frenzied love-making.

Spark dance upon golden skin as Spock skillfully (where in the worlds had he learned such a thing?) licked and sucked and nipped his way all over Kirk's body.

Kirk felt mellow, warm and content. Like a cat. He didn't even possesed of any strength to move anymore. But Spock's post-coital affection was a welcome winding down activity. '_This sure is the nicest dream of all'_, he mused tiredly. None of the other dreams had accumulated to cuddling (Kirk cringe at the use of the word 'cuddle' but his sluggish mind refused to supply him with a more masculine word); usually the dreams ended by him waking up when he reached his release.

So yes, this is a very nice change, indeed.

He fought to keep his eyes open and he was teetering over the edge of sleep (or was it death?) when:

"Jim,"

Only Spock could speak his name with such reverence, passion and _love_.

Kirk smiled. '_Ironic,_' he vaguely chuckled, _'whoever would have thought?'_

"What amuses you, T'hy'la?"

Kirk just smiled, feeling the familiar blanket of sleep approaching, unable to break the pervading weakness. "You," he whispered, enigmatically, knowing that Spock would understand, feeling his eyes closing, "me," he let out a sigh. "Us."

"Jim?" Spock was calling out to him once more, urgently. Was that something like panic in his tone? But that couldn't be. Spock's voice was coming from very far away.

Kirk did not return a reply.

**To Be Continued**

**So...please review and tell me your thoughts.**

**Thank you!**


	20. Outside Observation

**Captain Spirk**

**Warning: I don't condone the consumption of alcohol; I'm only doing it for Bones' sake.**

**Chapter 20: Outside Observation**

**edited: 07/11/2013**

* * *

Plak Tow; also known as 'Blood Fever' is a condition that afflict Vulcan Males.

More citation required.

Fullstop.

Damn it.

The sickbay was bathed in darkness but for the room of the CMO. McCoy tore his gaze away from the monitor, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He had been at it, searching for every possible answer to the situation involving his superior officers – medical or otherwise – to no avail. It had been 3 days and nothing had turned up. He had even employed the aid of Spock's ever capable science crew and together they would sooner cure stupidity than find an answer to their bizarre predicament.

Sighing he continued clicking on the Vulcan Health Compendium, all 555 pages of it in the hopes of finding something, anything. 350 pages and almost 5 hours later all he received in compensation were tired eyes, a creaking back and a potential liver damage. Which basically equates to: Nothing. Furthermore, in reality he had no clear idea of what it was Spock (and Kirk) were suffering from. The chronometer had chimed three times since midnight and he had been at it for the last 10 hours. Ten long hours that yielded absolutely nothing.

He deftly reached for the glass of whiskey sweating on the desktop. He grimaced disgustedly at the flat taste on his tongue the whiskey had since been diluted by the melting ice. He reached his secret drawer (that only himself and the captain knew about) and brought out a bottle of old fashioned Scottish whiskey. He snorted as he stared at the measly amount of amber liquid swirling at the bottom of the bottle. At this rate he'd soon be running out of booze.

That thought, however, ironically sobered him somewhat. Putting aside the bottle, he allowed his tired mind to wander. Summing his life up to this very moment he deduced:

If it wasn't one thing, it's another.

McCoy had long suspected the 'most likely to indulge in hate-sex with one another' undercurrent between his two commanding officers.

Leonard McCoy had seen his fair share of strange occurrence ever since he was born. Throughout childhood and adolescent years there were always bizarre, inexplicable things that happened that goes beyond comprehension. It seemed to multiply now since Jim Kirk barreled into his life a few years ago. McCoy's first impression was of trouble. And that was exactly what Jim Kirk was. That was years ago. He was captain now. No one – not even McCoy – once upon a time could expect this. Sure, Jim was the owner of a brilliant collection of grey matter humans called brains but his past had always glossed over the potential of that. Starfleet has Admiral Pike to thank for bringing out the spark of genius that had lain dormant in Kirk.

McCoy had known all along what was coming for both Kirk and Spock from the very first time he set eyes on them. Don't ask him how or why but deep inside his ever observing mind (hey, he got paid to observe, dammit) his intuition informed that they would arrive to this consequence sooner or later. The moment of truth has arrived sooner than expected. McCoy knew he should not have been so surprised; all the weird and not necessarily wonderful had chosen to befallen upon this pair often enough, McCoy had lost count. But no amount of intuition could have prepared him for this: the making of a love story of epic proportions, one involving the Enterprise, her Captain and his First Officer with him in the middle of it all.

He wasn't kidding about the Kirk and Spock being the Starfleet Golden Team. That was exactly what Jim and Spock was to the upper echelon of Starfleet Command. Everyone on board this starship and involved with Starfleet knew about this, whether they liked it or not. But with great power comes great responsibility (McCoy have read this quoted in some classic archaic book in his youth he had forgotten the title of) and he had seen how the both of them, along with the crew of the starship been thrown to the dogs as they were signed one terrible assignments after another.

McCoy himself had been out of his wits one time or another in the roller coaster they called a 'career'. The rest of the crew wasn't much better. Sometimes, McCoy had heard the complaints; mumbles, muffled and incoherent as they were about their captain and his fearless ways from the crew. About how Kirk's sometimes unorthodox ways with dealing with things would end up sending them all to their doom. Most didn't mean what they said, McCoy knew this, but in a profession where discipline was paramount and loyalty more valuable than gold, he had exerted his influence and silenced the disgruntled crew members with a look and a warning. The complaints ceased after that, more often than not.

Once in a while, when he felt it prudent and he himself believed that the captain was making decisions that could be potentially dangerous to all involved and the complaints of the crew louder than usual, he would speak to Jim about it. More often than not, a shouting match will ensue and they would not speak to each other for days until one or the other caved in. McCoy was embarrassed sometimes to admit that Kirk was the one to usually be the first to extend the olive branch. He knew that Kirk had never kept score between them.

Since taking over the command of the USS Enterprise, McCoy had never – not even once – heard Jim Kirk breathed a complaint about _anything_. Despite all the challenges thrown his way, despite the hatred that lingered still from his appointment in the upper echelon and flawed as he was, Kirk was a good person first before he was a good captain. He puts his responsibility to the crew first and foremost before his own welfare.

It was this selfless dedication to his duties that both impressed and exasperated McCoy to no end. McCoy had never met anyone more vibrant than James. T. Kirk. He was like an untamed wild fire. And God damn him, McCoy truly loved that kid. As for Spock, McCoy had arrived to a grudging conclusion that he was a veritable bastard – yes, he was – yet a good person nevertheless, all things considered.

And Spock made Jim happy. Giddy school girl happy at that, the kind that made McCoy want to roll his eyes in exasperation more often than not. The way the captain waxed lyrical on the goblin, it was a wonder how not many people could see the damn bleeding obvious. But that was it, wasn't it? Kirk wasn't exactly super social like he pretended to be. Yes, he wore that playboy mantle like a shield and that's just exactly what it freaking was: a shield. Kirk never let anyone into his inner circle as far as McCoy was concerned it was just him and Spock who were welcomed in.

In turn, Jim made Spock happy too. Yes, the hobgoblin could deny it till he was green in the face but McCoy had caught him looking at the captain with expressions not befitting of a Vulcan one too many times in different kinds of situations. He had never watched Spock panic over anything except the times (more than McCoy would have liked) the captain had been seriously injured in missions. Spock would not settle down until he received the news that Kirk was going to make it. Too bad, he didn't have any cameras on him to record the blatant affectionate looks but he knew what he saw. Uhura's confidential chat to him regarding the matter pretty much cinched it. If the ex could see it, it's _there_.

It was amusing really, watching them do their little dance around each other; observing these two accomplished and intelligent man acting both oblivious and stupid when it came to love. It was like a sport and McCoy was even aware that some incredibly astute crew members were taking bets about when the two would get their act together. McCoy wished they would too. He had always wanted for nothing more than happiness for them. God knows how much those two deserved it.

It was an inevitable conclusion.

Until now.

McCoy was interrupted from his stupor when the emergency alarm blared and the footsteps of the night crew broke the calm. The lights on the previously dark sickbay were turned on. He rose from his seat and went out. A flurry of activity greeted him. A bio-bed was being prepared and a few of the nurses were stocking up the medication counter.

"What's going on?" he demanded to the nearest personnel before she could open her mouth in greeting. "Dr McCoy, there is an emergency call," she said. "...from the Captain's quarters."

"What was the emergency?"

She shook her head, looking grim and McCoy's heart beat escalated at the expression.

"I was not told from the call itself, sir, but Mr Spock sounded so terrified," she said, voice low, "...and I have never seen nor heard of him ever being ruffled by anything before."

She had a great point there, McCoy thought.

Great, just great.

* * *

**To be continued**

**Comments and concrit humbly accepted and much appreciated!**

**x Albukirky**


	21. The Divide

**Chapter 21: The Divide**

**Thank you to all who reviewed, add on favourites, add on alerts and for reading. I appreciate the support very much! I don't have a Beta reader so please feel free to point out any spelling or grammatical errors. Constructive criticisms are also welcomed and appreciated. I am in the midst of a major overhaul for Spirk so update for the next chapter has been slowed down. Don't worry, I promise that this story will be completed. Feel free to message me regarding any inquiries. **

**Edited as of: 07/11/2013 **

* * *

_The waves were powerful, surging and pulling him in all directions. He struggled to keep himself above the swerve of the crashing waves but his strength was abandoning him. He couldn't see, could not breath and then there came the pain. He gasped as another strong wave hits him and he went under._

_Spock! he called in desperation._

_There was no reply. He was alone._

_Where are you? Kirk thought frantically before the darkness came._

* * *

Kirk was awakened by the dreaded sound of beeping from a heart monitor, and the tell-tale sign of his current location by the stark, recognisable smell of antiseptic.

He was in sickbay.

He gasped his first conscious breath in misery as tears stung his eyes. His first instinct upon awakening was of loneliness so vast and unfamiliar he wondered if a hole had been torn where his heart should be. There was a tattered connection somewhere in his mind, he knew that was still there but turned away. Spock. It was Spock but the presence was weak, like an echo of a memory rather than a real presence.

Where was Spock? Why isn't he here with me?

"Spock!" he had called out loud except that his voice sounded all croaky and wrong. His head felt like it was full of lead. His vision saw nothing but white lights, blinded by the rising tide of his panic. Where was Spock? Blindly he began groping for the side of the bed, attempting to rise in search of his errant first officer.

"Stop it, Jim!" urgent hands pressed upon him preventing him from rising and if he had known it, from further damaging himself. But he was beyond that. An irrational fear was consuming him. He needed Spock, needed to know that he was alright and alive. The absence of that comforting presence was maddening to his tattered psyche. He tried again to push his abused body to move.

He heard a familiar voice cursed.

"Nurse, bring me the tranquiliser!"

A pressure on his arm and his vision started to go foggy. His muscles turned heavy with an unnatural weakness. As darkness descended upon him, he felt the familiar blanket of warmth enveloping him. "Spock," he called out once, perhaps out loud and knew no more.

* * *

The second time he awoken was during ship's night to a darkened med-bay. A loud breathing informed him that he was not alone. For a moment, disorientation assailed him so strongly that he had to close his eyes momentarily. A beep sounded and he opened his bleary eyes. Beside him seated on the chair was McCoy, looking exhausted and sleep deprived, holding a medi-scanner in one hand. It was obvious to Kirk that McCoy had been keeping vigil by his bedside.

"How're you feeling?" asked McCoy eyeing him critically.

The doctor's voice was rough with sleep and a part of Jim felt guilty for making McCoy worry, again.

"Alright," he answered truthfully. He still felt slightly sore, especially in certain places but at the moment not in immediate pain. There was something else more pertinent than his current health. He felt fine, after all, at least physically speaking.

Inside he was once again overwhelmed with a sense of anxiety that seemed to be escalating for every second that Spock was not around. Never mind what had happened or how they had managed to figure out how to separate the both of them from their previously shared body. Kirk just needed to know that the Vulcan was alright.

"Where's Spock?" Kirk inquired, trying to project a calm he did not feel.

McCoy sighed, obviously expecting the question. "He's fine, Jim," which would have been the greatest news Kirk had received so far but for the wariness he detected in his friend's voice. Something was not right. It was obvious in McCoy's evasiveness.

"And?" Kirk prompted trying for patience.

"You should be more concern of your own well-being, captain," the admonishment and the use of his rank did not escape Kirk. He now knew for sure that all was not well after all, despite the assurance that Spock's life and health were in no immediate danger.

"You have been in a coma for nearly three days, there were moments we really thought that we'd lost you" McCoy said, voice serious.

"Bones...,"Kirk interrupted, "where is Spock?"

"Are you even listening to a word I said, Jim?"

The honest answer to that question would be a 'no' but some of McCoy's words did filter through. "Just tell me where he is Bones, please," he said. Something in his voice made McCoy's expression softened. Kirk held his friend's gaze expectantly.

"He is confined to quarters, Jim." McCoy said finally after seconds of silence. Kirk could see his friend's guarded demeanor, even tired as he was and it did not bode well.

Confined to quarters? Why? Feeling stricken, he tried to push himself up, upsetting the IV lines and the tubes surrounding him. He did not get very far, his own body started rebelling in the form of acute pain radiating from various locations, squeezing his breath and tore a strangle cry of pain from him. McCoy cursed under his breath.

"Enough, Jim," admonished McCoy as he helped Kirk to settle back on the bed.

"Please, for your own sake stay still," pleaded McCoy.

Kirk didn't reply, still reeling from the pain. He hardly heard McCoy as his mind churned, searching, calling and probing his hardest for Spock. For a connection he knew was still there but to no avail. He was alone.

And then it hit him. The fact that he was admitted to the med-bay with Spock confined to quarters. What his condition must have looked like if it was so bad that Spock had to call the medic to intervene.

_Oh no, oh shit._

"This isn't Spock's fault, Bones," Kirk started and McCoy looked at him sharply from where he was still arranging the medical lines.

"Not now, Jim, you need to rest."

"No, Bones, please hear me out," Kirk pleaded. McCoy needed to know this, needed to understand, that none of this was Spock's fault.

His friend sighed knowing full well that Kirk wouldn't let it go until he got what he wanted. The alternative to talking was to knock Kirk out again with sedatives but the amount of it in his body would accumulate and be dangerous. Kirk knew this fact very well from his previous experience in sickbay and took full advantage of it. From McCoy's open displeasure, Kirk knew the doctor was aware of this too.

"Only if you promise to rest afterwards," McCoy said in a tone of voice that brooked no arguments. Fine, Kirk would compromise as long as he got his point across.

Kirk nodded his consent and McCoy took the vacated seat. Kirk took a deep breath and plunged into an explanation.

* * *

"It was consensual, Bones," he explained tiredly once again. McCoy sighed rubbing his face wearily.

"I know, Jim," McCoy said, "But it is still a dangerous thing. You nearly died. What if it happens again?"

Kirk obviously had no answer to that.

"Spock refused to say anything although he explained to me in private about what had transpired. The rest was plain to see. If I am to follow regulations, Jim, I should have this reported to Starfleet." McCoy said seriously. "It's not a matter that I can let slide so easily."

That scared Kirk. "Please, Bones. Please keep Starfleet out of this. They will have him court-martialed and expelled."

McCoy shrugged. "You need to speak with Spock about this, Jim. Although from the looks of it, things are not gonna be easy. I can use my medical prerogative and of course, you're captain so you can use yours. But I don't know what sort of justification could be used about this."

McCoy was absolutely right of course, there was really no other way around it.

Kirk's inquiry about how the body separation occurred was not met with a proper response either. According to McCoy, he was brought to sickbay already separated from Spock and the Vulcan himself claimed that he did not have an explanation for it.

There was also the whole mind-meld thing Kirk knew should probably mention. But apparently McCoy detected nothing wrong with his brains, yet, and Kirk reassured the doctor that he was fine and not coerced in any way. McCoy fussed over the possibility of Kirk developing post-traumatic stress. Kirk insisted profusely that he was fine.

Yes, it looked bad and yes, probably it was bad for his body. Kirk could understand his friend's indignation regarding the situation. That didn't mean that he was accepting of it. He and Spock alone knew what had transpired between them in that room, on that fateful night. At the time, of course, he had thought that it was only a dream. He could not remember much of the aftermath. Only that he had felt warm and safe and happy.

At the moment however, happiness was the furthest away from his thoughts. Yes, he was aware that he was alive and that in itself was a miracle and one he should be grateful for. But he was human and he had feelings damn it, no matter how many people thought otherwise and he was beyond concern regarding Spock's emotional well-being.

'Well,' Kirk thought grimly. 'It's time to face the music.'

* * *

A week later and everything had changed yet everything remained the same.

Kirk was eventually released from sickbay after several days of being consistently poked and prodded upon until he was literally sick of it. The medical crew who attended him that night was reminded (warned) to not let any information regarding the captain's condition to be released to anyone else without direct permission from either McCoy or Kirk. McCoy had done a splendid job at keeping everyone quiet and there was still the clause of patient confidentiality issues that cannot be breached but Kirk thought it prudent to keep all of them under the code of silence anyway. Compliance was swift.

Spock was released from confinement and reinstated back to his position by the captain's prerogative. Nothing else was spoken of the matter. The least said about that entire week from weird-land the better.

The both of them returned to normal, or what was closest to normality that they could. For nothing was ever the same again. They recovered splendidly professionally. No one could have noticed the difference. The command duo was as efficient as ever; even more so. But there was, if one knew where to look a blemish in the clean hierarchy of command.

As for Jim?

Jim was heartbroken.

A chasm had opened between him and Spock separating them even further from what they were before the whole incident. There was no other way to describe it. Good God, it made him sound like a yearning schoolboy but it was killing him inside every day to be so close to Spock yet so distant.

Kirk, in the beginning thought it prudent to allow Spock to come to terms with what had happened and allowed the Vulcan respite. He reigned himself from rushing Spock or even seeking him out in private regardless of how difficult it was for him. Kirk's whole body ached with it. Ache with a want and desire so prevalent and strong, it physically hurts to just look at Spock. It was the pain of a phantom limb after an amputation.

He gritted his teeth and tried to move on as best as he could and wished fervently that Spock would return to him.

But time ticked and days passed and Spock was still elusive as ever.

Kirk's resolved was beginning to strain. Falling asleep was impossible because his slumber was full of dreams of Spock leaving him for dead again and again repeated in a loop every night. Sometimes he thought he could hear thoughts – Spock's for sure but there were muted and gone like sand slipping through his fingers.

Sometimes in the middle of the night, as he lay in bed weeping in the aftermath of another nightmare, Kirk wondered if this was how madness felt like.

* * *

Kirk raised a trembling hand to wipe at his cool, sweaty brow. He had been developing this headache ever since he was released from the sickbay. It wasn't much of a pain, really, more like a buzz at the back of his mind but it was there and he could not shake it away. The sleepless nights and his waning appetite were making it worse.

His body, despite the recovery, was full of bruises, mapping the contours of his skin blue and black. McCoy was understandably livid with anger when he had first seen the extent of Kirk's injury. Kirk only wondered what unfortunate words had been exchanged between Bones and Spock as he recuperated in sickbay.

He shuddered.

The end of alpha shift was nigh and Kirk shook his head gently in an attempt to clear it. For a while now, he had felt some sort of pressure behind his cranium. This morning he had awakened to a small buzzing at the back of his head. Now it had grown into a full blown headache threatening to split his head into two. The command room was almost too bright for his suddenly sensitive eyes. He rubbed at his brows, hoping to clear some of the fuzziness away.

"Are you well, sir?"

Kirk opened his eyes to find Uhura eyeing him concernedly.

He fought the urge to rub at his forehead, again. "I am fine, lieutenant."

Uhura looked unconvinced. "You are looking a little pale, sir, are you sure you are alright?" she said quietly so that she won't be overheard. Kirk appreciated the discretion. Now, was not a good time to fall apart in front of the crew, not after what had happened previously.

"Yes," he intoned, more forceful than he intended. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Sulu straightened even more in his seat, obviously eaves-dropping. Kirk sighed inwardly. One day, he needed to reprimand his command team for being the nosy bastards that they were. "I am fine, lieutenant," he continued, much gentler this time. Whatever was wrong with his life was not Uhura's fault.

She nodded, although the concern did not fade from her eyes. "Very well, sir. I need you to sign this report for me, please." She produced the padd she had been carrying. Forcing himself to focus, he scanned the report. As usual, Uhura's work was exemplary. He endorsed the document and returned it to her with a smile. "Excellent as always, Uhura. Relay my gratitude to the communication's team," he said by way of praise.

Uhura beamed at him. "Thank you, sir."

Kirk nodded and she returned to her position. He inwardly sighed. They were just assigned a new mission yesterday one that was simple enough on paper as per usual. The Enterprise was now en route to pick up an ambassador from a newly minted federation planet called Eboran. Nothing too difficult, no beaming down was necessary. It was a boring mission but for the first time Kirk was not complaining. As a matter of fact, he thanked the Lord that for once, the high command had gotten it right regarding mission distributions. In his current state of internal unrest, he doubted he would be very efficient in a crisis.

Kirk hated this; whatever this was. This was worse than before. At least he had the excuse of sharing a body with a bloody Vulcan to blame for the chaos of his mental faculty then. The swishing sound of a turbolift door jarred Kirk from his mind wanderings. He silently cursed. This was getting worse. At this rate, he would risk his command to his erroneous condition. Perhaps, McCoy was right. He _was_ suffering from some sort of post-traumatic stress.

He needed to get out of here. He needed, he needed, he knew who exactly he needed but he can't...can he? He was the captain of this vessel with responsibilities and command image to maintain so he can't want this. He should not allow personal issues to jeopardise his ability to function as a leader. The pain suddenly intensified then, throbbing fiercely and he nearly groaned in discomfort. He forced himself to calm down. It would not do to pass out in the bridge.

"Mr Sulu," he called in the calmest tone he could muster. "You have the con." He barely heard Sulu's reply of an acknowledgement before he – didn't quite – stumble out of the command room. He paid no heed to the questioning eyes and worried glances.

Staggering, he pushed his body to move. He was glad that the corridor was deserted; he took this particular route simply because it's in a section seldom used by the crewmen. It was a risky gamble as he stumbled again and there were chances he could collapse here without anyone knowing. His breathing was too rapid and vision was fuzzy as if he was looking through a cotton ball.

_Shit_. Kirk grasped the side of the deck for support as he swayed, sweating profusely. _Please_, he thought. _Help me._ At this rate he wondered if he could even make it to his cabin. He pushed himself forward, using the wall to support his weight but dark spots were swimming in his vision and his knees felt incredibly heavy…

"...tain!" A concern voice and a pair of strong arms caught him mid-swoon. "Captain!"

Against all odds, the blasted fog in his mind cleared although his knees still felt like jelly. He released a breath as warm chest supported his back and he closed his eyes for a moment longer, feeling finally safe and sound. He knew who it was holding him, could feel the pulse of him surrounding his very being. Kirk sighed, contented. _Finally_, he thought. _I could lie here and die in peace. _He allowed himself to drift further into the warmth.

* * *

"Captain," the tone was laced with concern. "Jim?"

Warm fingers shook him urgently. He opened his eyes and they were no longer clouded. "Hey," he whispered, a little inanely, but his mind did a little rejoicing jig at their proximity as his fingers decided to run themselves over one elegant pointy ear. His 'saviour' turned a little green at that.

"Stop it, Jim," Spock said although he didn't sound too displeased. Kirk vaguely remembered McCoy telling him the same thing not too long ago.

It was Spock, of course. And both of them knew it that they'd better move this little charade elsewhere before they terrify unsuspecting crewmen. Spock readily manhandled him to his quarters, but he wasn't complaining. He still felt weak, although the buzzing and the headache had ceased the moment Spock was near, he noted in lazy understanding. McCoy would be so delighted to learn about this little piece of information, he was sure.

In silence, Spock hauled his captain home. Once, in the privacy of the quarters, he carefully placed Kirk on the bed. But his strength returning, Kirk slowly pushed himself to sit up. He still felt slightly out of sorts although that could be contributed to Spock's proximity, he realised with a little pang, that this was the first time they had been alone together since that fateful night.

"How are you feeling, captain?"

_Wonderful,_ Kirk thought bitterly. Back to captain again. This was bullshit and he was so sick of it. All the good feelings he had experienced moments before fled like a wisp of smoke in the wind.

"Why are we doing this?" Kirk demanded instead, ignoring Spock's question.

Spock stared at him blankly. "Pardon, me, captain?"

"Don't play dumb Spock, you know what I meant."

The sudden uneasiness in Spock's stance was easy to read despite his Vulcan surface composure.

Kirk felt something then, at the back of his head like a touch of emotion. _Spock's emotion_ he noticed. Hidden and buried from him behind iron walls. But this near, he could sense it veiled though as it may seemed. Perhaps it would explain Spock's reluctance to be near him after the divide. They could still feel each other still. Whatever happened, the after-effects of the meld lingered binding them both.

Spock looked rueful as if he realised Kirk's understanding.

"I hurt you, captain. Even now," he said voice quiet and tightly controlled although his words made absolutely no sense to Kirk.

Furthermore, that composure for some reason incensed Kirk and sets him off.

"You think that you have the right to shut me out?" he demanded, voice cold and low, eyes keen and hard on the Vulcan. "For one single moment Spock did you even consider my feelings in your equation?"

"Captain, please," Spock parlayed looking troubled. "Please see sense, I have spoken to Dr McCoy and he and I can see that what have been done to you is dangerous and hazardous -" but Kirk did not allow him to finish. He rounded on Spock.

"Well, too bad because neither Bones nor you can make the decision about how I should feel about this. I can't do this without you Spock. I just can't," he said fiercely and meant every single word.

Incredibly, Kirk's confession made Spock looked even more determined. "You do not understand the danger, captain. I could have killed you! You have saved my life and for that I would be forever in your debt, but I am afraid that this cannot continue."

"Explain," Kirk said, crossing his arms so as to stop himself from shaking Spock senseless.

Spock look alarmed. "Captain?"

Deep down Kirk knew that his control upon his emotion and his mental faculty was in tatters. In normal times, he might have been alarmed by his own uncontrollable fury but this was not normal times. Something in him had snapped. Was everything they shared on that night, the night that changed everything for Kirk meant nothing at all to Spock?

"This danger you speak of. I don't understand it. You said that this is something that happened only every seven years for Vulcans. So an explanation, if you please, on why you are so fearful of it?"

Spock's look was one of open disbelief. "Is it not enough to know that I am doing it for your sake captain?"

"I don't care!" Kirk yelled, livid.

What the hell was wrong with Spock? Why couldn't he see how important this was to Kirk?

"I can't concentrate Spock, can't sleep and I have nightmares of you leaving me for dead every night," Kirk said in a whisper, feeling his heart breaks at the memory of a horrific scene. "I feel as if a part of me, an integral part is missing."

"It is the telepathic connection," Spock said looking immensely distressed. "I thought I have ensured no lasting impression upon you."

Kirk was aghast. So Spock himself had actually tried to break the connection between them, without his consent. Now the nightmare and its origins became clear to Kirk. How dare Spock!

"Am I not eloquent enough of my intent that night?" Kirk demanded advancing himself on the stricken Vulcan.

Spock for his part did not even look at him. "Yes, you made your intent very clear. I am grateful and I have no wish to distress you further but it is best if we cease pursuing an intimate relationship."

_Why_ thought Kirk. _No._

How in the universe did they went from that wonderful night to this ruse? Kirk felt his anger drained to full-fledged fear of losing Spock.

"I love you, Spock, please, I know that you feel the same too...please" Kirk was begging, he knew it; knew how ridiculous and undignified his behaviour was but he was desperate to get this through to Spock.

"I am sorry captain," Spock said although the tinge of regret in his voice was unmistakable. Let it go," his voice was calm and placating but it was not good enough for Kirk.

"Spock..." he began, willing Spock to listen to him and accept him again. The expression on Spock's face was resolute.

"We should sever the mind connection permanently," Spock said into the quiet like a death knell.

Kirk's face fell.

He suddenly felt cold all over as if his entire being was being plunged into a pool of ice.

The bright light of the cabin was dimmed and Kirk felt his heart thudded loudly in his chest in the ensuing silence. How dare Spock say such a thing! He glared at the Vulcan.

"Sever it," Kirk said incredulously, tasting the ridiculous word in his tongue as if it was poisoned. "Sever it?"

* * *

**To be continued**

**Oh dear, if I'm not careful, Jim would be in a whole lot of pain before the end. Ah well. No fear, all of Spock's reasons will be explained in the next chapter. As always, thanks for reading and feel free to leave a comment!**

**x Albukirky**


	22. Puzzle Pieces

**Chapter 22: Puzzle Pieces**

**This chapter is shorter than the previous one but I figured that I owe all of you an update, so here it is! Thank you for the continued support and I absolutely appreciate all the reviews in particular. If you see anything resembling emo!Kirk in this chapter, please don't blame me, t'was the fault of a traumatic bonding experience et al. Enjoy!**

* * *

Sometimes Kirk wondered if he was cursed.

Silly as that might sound in these days and age. Looking at his personal history though, he might have a point after all. As much as he tried not to, he often thought about the disaster that was his childhood years and how his life had changed, for good or bad that would do. He was as far away from his Riverside, Iowa hometown as he could possibly be and he was successful.

As the captain of a United Federation of Planets' best ship in the armada, he had grown to be more successful that he had ever thought he could be. He thought that his world was breaking apart, once upon a time when Carol Marcus stomped all over his heart but time and distance had patched things up again and success and trust that had been heaped upon him made him feel accomplished finally.

At 27 years of age he was on top of the world.

Amazing what a simple declaration from Spock was threatening to crush everything that Kirk had built into dust.

In the midst of the cloudy haze which was his rapidly dissolving rationality a thought penetrated to him that things might not be as it seemed.

He was crazy, he knew. Maybe even literally and that's not impossible given his propensity for attracting trouble. Heck, the whole of the last few weeks' prior would have sent even the most sensible person amok. So he should be excused for feeling more than a little out of sorts.

And – oh – did he mention about sharing a body and minds with his first officer _and_ enjoying amazing mind-blowing sex (while possibly inhabiting one body, a fact Kirk was still unable to determine) with said officer? Granted there was also some Vulcan mind-voodoo involved, oh yeah, _Blood Fever_ that he still had no actual clue what it was about and definitely some sort of a proclamation of love (Kirk thought) jumbled along in the afterglow of said intercourse and then this.

That should insofar sum up this fucking, _what-the-hell-happened_ nightmare that was his life lately quite accurately.

It would be just his luck, Kirk thought wryly torn between irony and despair, that the meld had sent his emotion spiraling out of control and now he sounded like a jilted 11 year old instead of the mature adult he was supposed to be. Worse, was the realisation that there was a huge possibility, given how appallingly Spock had reacted to the whole 'declaration of love' thing, that perhaps Spock was really – without the effect of the aforementioned Blood Fever – not as in love with Kirk as Kirk was crazy about him.

Because, even disturbed as he was at the moment (and he knew inherently that he was just that –_disturbed_); it felt stupid, even demeaning, how wrapped up he was with his obsession over Spock. The indignity of acting like a complete idiot when he knew he was far wiser than this. A part of him, the more reasonable part, knew that this was _terribly _uncharacteristic behaviour for him. Thinking that there was a possibility that Spock had a valid point when he suggested that this (what? Love, infatuation, obsession?) could not go on because of harm that might come to Kirk.

Like going permanently off the handle for example, or some such rot as that.

Kirk was positively sure that going crazy was not cool in the he-will-lose-his-captainship-and-be-carted-to-an-a sylum sort of way. Longs story short, not cool at all.

And damn it, Kirk had been arguing with himself again, which of course had been established as sure as daylight a precursor to insanity. But can anyone blame him?

Between anger, frustration, intense sadness and confusion meshed together in the churning cauldron of emotions, Kirk really did not know how he managed to gather the strength to still be standing on his own two feet after those condemning words had slipped from Spock's mouth (sever it!), let alone sort through the fact that he might be in danger to himself particularly with this display of unstable behaviour. It was in precarious moments like this in his life that had thought Kirk that adrenalin was an amazing stimulant and Kirk took full advantage of this fact most often than not to McCoy's abject displeasure. But McCoy was not here at the moment, so what the hell.

Feeling like he was stuck in a permanent loop of a mental see-saw, and propelled by the horrified look now adorning Spock's face, Kirk fought hard for calm. After all, no one wanted a crazy spouse and at the moment Kirk was displaying the behavioural traits of such a person. Having a legitimate reason to go berserk such as that Vulcan courtship was driving him out of his wits was not a good enough reason to get away with horrendous manners. So he inhaled a deep calming breath and felt that across the room Spock was doing the same.

It was good to know that he wasn't the only one with the predicament.

* * *

He calmed down, forced himself to do so, there was no point in losing more than he already possibly did.

He wanted to laugh, loud and bitter. The universe really had something against him and a happy ending and he didn't hold a candle for things to suddenly start changing now. No matter, he'd have enough practice in endurance, so he steeled himself, stood upright to his fullest height as best he could and fought the overwhelming urge to crumple on the floor. He still had his dignity and pride. Thank God for that.

And so far, he noticed he had been the one to patiently allow Spock to come to terms with the situation. He was the one who had always been been trying to understand Spock's Vulcan heritage and his need for rationalization and logic while Spock seemed to not reciprocate with whatever effort to return the same for him. Did he really want to be a part of such a one-sided relationship where he was the one pining and giving while Spock played the indifferent partner?

Kirk sighed, running his cold, clammy fingers over his hair as he forced himself to _think, _which was easier said than done_. _Thinking was a challenging thing to do when you're stressed which Kirk definitely was but he managed. As a matter of fact, he arrived at two decisions he can make regarding the situation, either to stay here and fight Spock or to banish Spock away from the room, hide himself in his quarters until the universe (and most likely, Bones, interfere) and pick the pieces of his life. At the moment the latter seemed to have the most possibility in coming to fruition.

The energy in the surrounding air of the room was palpable, charged with the stench of doubt and uncertainty.

Nevertheless, there were riddles in this matter that he wished to solve before he decided to pull away and stop fighting. His feelings for Spock would not be easily quenched regardless, but perhaps with some understanding of Spock's motivation he would at least be able to achieve some peace for himself when this (hardly) rosy but brief affair was over. He figured he deserved that much at least. Looking the Vulcan square in the eyes and willed into himself a confidence he really did not feel, he went straight for the heart of the matter, no point in beating behind a non-existent bush.

"Spock, why?"

Spock for his part, was no longer looking either calm and indifferent or horrified, instead he looked pained again like he was fighting a great deal of emotions and in his Vulcan-ness had not a possible clue on how to handle the delicate matter.

'_Well,'_ Kirk thought, _'Welcome to the club.'_

There was a partial confusion clearly crossing Spock's face at Kirk's sarcastic thought, as if he could hear what Kirk was saying and was suitably flummoxed by the inanity of it. Considering the fact that he's a Vulcan and Kirk himself could sometimes able to still pick up on Spock's thoughts, it was possible. In a strange, twisted way it was amusing. Until Spock, in a similarly straight-forward style answered:

"That night, not only did I hurt you badly, I almost killed you, captain"

Kirk stared at Spock. The Vulcan's eyes were closed and his face was pinched, fists clenched at his sides. Spock's voice was a mockery of his usual calm because underneath the surface Kirk could feel the depths of grief and pain so acute and tangible Kirk was nearly overwhelmed by them. Kirk frowned. Did Spock solely blame_ himself_ for what had happened?

"Everything that had happened between us was not your fault alone, if there was even anyone's to begin with. I consented on our actions as well, you know this," Kirk replied staunchly because he felt that it's wrong for Spock to go on blaming himself this way when it was a decision made by the both of them together. Quietly he added, as he felt that it was important, "You have to trust me when I say that I don't blame you."

Spock shook his head and Kirk saw his body go extremely rigid with unnamed tension that coursed through it.

"I do trust you captain, and I know that you do not blame me. But you do not understand how close I was to murder," Spock said in a quiet voice laced with misery.

"What are you talking about? It's not as though you choose to hurt me," Kirk argued.

"But that is just it!" Spock said voice rising and echoing across the room and Kirk stared at him alarmed. Spock was not done. "It was the very fact that I am out of control, that I have no choice which made it even more dangerous!"

Kirk took a step forward and cringed when Spock moved away further, clearly distancing himself away.

"Did McCoy say something to you?"

Confusion was plain on Spock's face at the query until Kirk felt him cottoning on. "He had only spoken to me of things that I already knew," Spock said which addressed nothing to Kirk.

"Which was what, exactly?"

The shadow deepened on Spock's face and mind, piercing straight into Kirk's heart. He hated to ask, had wanted to avoid McCoy from being involved more than he already was, would have wanted to avoid it at all costs if necessary but there's no dodging the bullet now.

"That what happened puts a great stress and damage on your body and that your mind could be damaged as well and for the sake of your safety and mine that we should not continue what we were doing, and he was wise to say so," Spock said.

'_No, Bones is so dead for saying so,'_ Kirk thought irritated. Once he was done with Spock, he and McCoy were going to have Words.

"Please do not blame the doctor regarding this," Spock intoned, "He was doing it out of concern for your well-being." As if Kirk did not know that.

God, he so wanted to rage very much and smash something brittle like the little glass paperweight on the desk but he gritted his teeth, stayed his tingling hands and reigned in his temper. He could do this, he told himself. He has to do this and both Spock and him ought to come out of it, unscathed, more or less.

"I shall decide that for myself," Kirk replied. "I know how Bones is like and I do respect him, he's my friend apart from the ship's medical officer. But he does possess the tendency to fret excessively in regards to me." He puts a hand out to stop Spock from arguing back. The Vulcan relented although he was clearly unhappy about it. Good. An argumentative Spock was much more preferable than the quiet miserable one.

"Did you and McCoy quarrel about this?"

Spock shook his head. He was being honest about it, Kirk could feel it. Well, Spock did say that he agreed with McCoy. Funny that these two could argue and disagree about anything and everything else in this whole wide universe and conveniently put aside all of that to come to an agreement about Kirk without his consent. Yes, Kirk had never found cosmic jokes to be very funny.

Kirk slumped onto the bed once more, feeling tiredness returning again, the flow of adrenalin growing stale in his system. Spock turned to him in wariness, concern in his eyes but Kirk shook his head. "Tired," he mouthed to Spock and he had to admit that something warm settled in his stomach at Spock's attention. Kirk scolded himself for the premature feeling. He gestured for Spock to be seated on his work-chair; he supposed inviting Spock to flop down the bed beside him would give the Vulcan aneurysm.

This was going nowhere fast. Spock was not offering anything willingly and Kirk was sick of interrogation that led to absolutely nowhere. They were wasting time and oxygen. There was only one way to settle this matter.

Spock's expression turned sharply even as Kirk thought it: the mind-meld.

"I refuse," Spock said, standing up abruptly. "No."

* * *

**To be continued**

**Good news: expect the next update in two weeks' time! Please leave your thoughts on the box below, thank you!**

**x Albukirky**


	23. Red

**Chapter 23: Red**

**I love this chapter very much and I hope that you do too!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

"I refuse," Spock not-quite yelled. "No!"

Spock was already standing, body poised and highly strung like a gazelle about to leap away from a predator.

Kirk hasn't even opened his mouth yet.

Awash with a sudden sadness, Kirk crumpled on the bed, head in his hands._ So this was where it ends_, he thought. _Not with a bang but with a whimper_.

The touch of insecurity increased and Kirk responded instinctively, forgetting for a moment of proprietary and the pertinent matter that he did not own – can never owned - Spock or own his immediate compliance, whether through rank nor personal attachment. The wiring between his mind and his emotion were apparently on a permanent disconnect and he found himself blurting out:

"You could have at least consulted me before trying to sever the bond," Kirk said, trying and failing miserably to keep the edge of disappointment from his tone.

Spock stared. "It would have been worse to not do so. As you can see, your current emotional state is the direct result of an incomplete bond."

"I don't need to be saved from anything Spock. Like I've told you multiple times already, whatever the risk was involved by us coming together I was a consenting party. Furthermore, I doubt that you were aware that the outcome would be what happened." Kirk argued. "Us sharing the same body was not your doing Spock, and neither is this."

Spock said nothing but there was a crack in the chain of armour. Kirk could feel it. He pressed forward not wanting to allow Spock to fall away again.

"It is not wise, captain."

"I'm an expert in no-win scenarios. I beg you remember that I don't give up too easily."

"Indeed."

A moment of silence in and then, the last chip was cast.

"Please, stay," Kirk said very gently. "Don't leave."

It was a command or a plea or a combination of both; a last ditch attempt. Conqueror of the no-win scenario or no Kirk could only hope this gamble will pay off.

Spock's face softened a fraction.

It took tremendous effort for Kirk to refrain from leaping up and wrapping himself around Spock but it was a very near thing.

And then, Spock's body seemed to shrink, not physically of course but in spirit. Dark eyes bore into Kirk's and there were a question in the gaze and something that alighted like quicksilver in the depths that was lost too soon before Kirk could figure it out.

"Is there a reason you are reluctant to go ahead with the mind-meld?" Kirk asked off-hand not expecting for Spock to provide an answer.

"There are two possible outcomes from it," Spock said without elaboration. He was looking uncomfortable with his hands rigid and fisted at his sides. "And I am uncertain which one is the preferable outcome."

"May I ask what they are?" Kirk said.

Spock's face held a trace of resignation. "I believe you can tell." And that answered absolutely nothing. Or maybe it did. Kirk was getting some impressions and he wanted to know more. He really did not want to do it without Spock's consent nevertheless as that won't bode well for the both of them he was fairly aware. So Kirk probed, searching through a weakened but essentially still existing link between Spock's mind and his and focus.

All in all, the impression he perceived from Spock was this: there was no actual reluctance and not even a speck of anger remained in the Vulcan, only a lingering sense of apprehension.

"I just wanted to protect you," Spock replied finally although there was no heat to it and Kirk knew that Spock was aware of it too.

"Please," he whispered gently, for the final time and Spock made no verbal reply but he came forward to where Kirk was sitting on the bed with a determined expression on his face.

* * *

Spock's long fingers were warm but trembling against his psi-points. Nothing happened for a moment as Spock seemed to fight for control over his shaking hands. Spock's eyes were snapped shut and a frown marred his usually smooth brow and this close their breathing mingled and synchronized. It didn't take long for Spock to still and Kirk felt the fingers tightened on his face.

Kirk gasped.

Without warning, the world tilted and colours seeped out from everywhere onto the floor like rainbow rivulets as the walls crumbled from all around him. Kirk watched as if from a distance, stupefied and fascinated. There was a burst of white light that blinded him and everything faded away.

He did not fall this time. But he was still alone a formless energy in this strange landscape in between minds as they converged. Or Kirk hoped so because one experience did not an expert make; as a matter of fact he had doubts on whether or not he would ever be able to fully understand Vulcan psyche. Heck, he didn't even truly understand Human psyche!

There was however a significant difference this time around, because without preamble (and there was still no sign of Spock) he was suddenly pulled or whatever sort of form his consciousness had taken form in this surreal landscape was pulled through a swirling and pulsating mass of green and purple – falling and continue to fall until suddenly the tunnel ended and he was delivered onto a familiar scene. He thought he would have been breathless with exhilaration if he was still in his physical body.

Needless to say, watching himself in the act of love with another person was a surreal experience.

He allowed himself a little smile. The happiness emanating from the vision was palpable and the room was warmth with the joining of two person in love. Kirk knew for sure now; Spock loved him. There was no denying it.

He saw what he otherwise would not have noticed because he recalled the immediate fatigue that overwhelmed him after they were done.

If there ever was a part of his life he would always remember with fondness, this was it. But the good feelings were not everlasting.

From out of nowhere there was a crash like a clap of thunder in the distance and the air seemed to be sucked out of the room and the atmosphere darkened and Kirk felt a constriction enveloping his entire being as he watched the scene turned from one of union to the feeling of sudden ominous foreboding.

He saw his body relaxed – felt it relaxed and then -

"Jim?"

In growing understanding, he watched Spock, in an uncharacteristic fearful voice shaking him when he failed to rouse before gathering his limp form in his arms and reaching with familiar trembling fingers to Kirk's temple.

"No!" he heard Spock croaked. "Jim, please. Spock's voice was choked. And Kirk watched in rising distress when he caught the glistening shine in Spock's eyes gathered and falls leaving glistening tracks on the pale face.

Oh Spock, he thought with compassion.

He saw Spock fumbled for the intercom by the bedside even as he clutched Kirk to him, refusing to let go and heard: "Sickbay!"

In a halting tone, he heard Spock relayed information to sickbay and seeking for assistance and his voice clearly broke at the end of the call and Kirk's heart was torn to pieces.

Spock was crying, rocking Kirk's body back and forth, clearly, falling apart. Oh God, Kirk thought and all because of him. Worse of all, perhaps, was hearing Spock's mental thoughts as he cradled Kirk in his arms: _I hurt him. He's dying – I have to stop this – this connection with me is probably killing him what's with the shock of our body separation! Jim, do not surrender to the darkness T'hy'la. Please. Getting worse, I'm losing him. Jim, please. No, it's my fault, mine, I shouldn't…_

And like an accursed prayer, the chant went on and on until suddenly Spock lets out a small cry of escalating distress…

_NO! Jim please!_ Spock was mouthing frantically and with a shudder that Kirk felt even in this state, he realised with growing horror that his body was shutting down. His breathing had ceased and he was dying. Like a watching a space accident, his eyes were glued to the wreck. It felt strange to watch himself as he lay dying…

Spock tried to revive him as obviously emotionally incapacitated as he was. CPR. Tilt the head back, clear the airways and breath air into the victim's lungs…all the procedure, all performed correctly by Spock again and again. It was torture watching as Spock's shoulders and whole demeanour slumped even more as he was overwhelmed with stress and exhaustion and him being incapable to do anything about it. That this was a past event mattered not to Kirk. Spock needed to be comforted.

_Spock, I didn't know it was so terrible. I'm sorry._

Just when Kirk could not stand it any longer the cabin door swung opened and the medic team hurried in, led by a grim-faced McCoy. McCoy's face was pinched with disgust for a second before he shove Spock aside to get to Kirk. Immediately, McCoy began shouting orders. All the while Spock stood frozen. eyes wide and pale-faced, watching with desperation in his eyes as the medic prepped.

Kirk knew that in his physical body he was weeping. The scene began to fade as little by little the vision was engulfed in swirling black smoke. Kirk gasped and reached out once for Spock and he thought he heard an answering echo.

Then came the darkness.

* * *

He wrenched away from Spock, eyes wide with shock and bright with tears already making trails down his face.

Spock looked at him, his own eyes painted with sad and pain. He looked so devastated and finally, _finally,_ Kirk understood. With the understanding came overwhelming shame for his anger and for his less than grateful way he had treated Spock so far. Yes, he agreed to silent a part of his mind that adamantly insisted that he was free of blame from this. But, he conceded, safe and sure now after he received his revelation, that Spock was as blameless as much as he was in this.

"Do you understand how it feels like captain? For a moment I felt you die, in my mind. I felt you fade and I almost went mad with despair. I thought I killed you." Spock's voice wavered even more with the force of his internal torment.

"I felt you die and I was the cause of it."

Oh, yes. Kirk understood very well indeed, the painful pulse of losing someone you love and he wanted to take Spock into his arms and hold him tightly to be able to whisper reassurances in his ears that he was not at fault for what had happened again and again until Spock understood the same thing as Kirk did.

An epiphany struck Kirk then and it felt like the sun had finally risen to ward away the dark night. It was never going to be easy. For Spock and him and the type of lives they lived, easy was never an option. But he knew now that Spock did love him and Kirk loved him in return and he knew that they would be alright. Kirk was not as silly as to expect things to be smooth sailing, far from it actually, but they would make it work. He no longer harboured the idealism of perfection when it came to love. There was after all, no such thing.

And if - should Spock reject him, what had he got to lose?

Slowly and like a-man-on-a-mission, he made his way to Spock's side until he was standing face to face with the taller Vulcan. Close enough that one more step would bring him into kissing proximity. He saw Spock stiffened, that strong Vulcan body going rigid with tension and strain. Could feel the tangible churn in Spock's mind; understood that it was the after-effects from the mind-meld and everything that he have experienced thus far that he could understand Spock a bit more now.

"Tell me," he whispered to Spock, "tell me if you don't feel anything when I do this," he continued stepping up to Spock until their bodies were touching, chest to chest and breaths mingled together making the air between them warm and moist with aspiration. Kirk felt the burning heat of Spock's body, so and full of live and realised that his body responded to it in earnest. He tamped his own desire; this was not the time for anything more than gentle demonstration of love. Spock in this current state would push him away he knew, should he try anything bolder than what he already had rolling.

"Please Spock," he whispered directly into Spock's ear, making the tip turned a deeper shade of green. "If you truly do not want this then push me away and I will never bother you again."

"Jim," Spock's voice trembled and Kirk allowed his hands to cup Spock's face in a gentle cradle. He chanced a glance at Spock and saw the strange light in his eyes but no form of open rejection from him. Taking that as a permission Kirk breathed deeply and leaned forward.

Kirk kissed him.

He kissed Spock gently. Not rushed but soft and sweet like the caressed of his fingers upon Spock's face, pouring love and affection and opening himself; all his thoughts, his feelings and all essence of what he was (or thought he was) into it so that Spock could see him and feel him and understand him in return, if he had not already.

For a very long moment, Spock was still, so still both in body and mind that Kirk felt cracks opened in his heart which had begun to mend at the possibility of a possible reconciliation between them. But a promise was a promise and Kirk was many things but a liar was not one of them. Fighting the sadness that was rising from within him, he pulled away from the kiss and was about to step away from Spock when Spock came to life in front of him.

And it felt as if everything about him was glowing. Spock's arms came to encircle Kirk's waist preventing his movement.

In the next moment Spock returned the favour. His warm lips covered Kirk's

"Spock," he breathed, nearly moaned when that hot mouth started sucking on the soft flesh of his neck. He was falling again. And Kirk knew that he would always going to be in regards to Spock. Warmth pricked at the corner of his eyes.

"Catch me," he whispered voice still soft and gentle. Spock's breath hitched slightly, his eyes dark and arcane as they locked on Kirk's moist ones. Kirk buried his face on Spock's shoulder, allowing contentment and the feel of him wash over him. A sigh left him, as the maelstrom of emotions that had been raging within him for all these turbulent days quieted down at last until all he could feel was the shining presence of Spock. The warmth and strength of his arms around him, the beat of his heartbeat and the silent contentment and acceptance that shrouded them and linked them together.

A glowing thread formed and bound them as they embraced emanating from their fingertips and encompassing every part of them. Kirk watched in wonderment and a little confusion.

'Bond-thread,' he heard Spock's silky voice in his mind as if it was an obvious explanation and indeed it was, and Kirk's smile widened at the realisation of the significance of its existence. In body, soul and mind:

They were truly bonded now.

'Yes,' Spock's voice continued and Kirk could feel the amusement and joy in it even though Spock's face was calm. As a matter of fact, Spock looked content – happy – and Kirk knew that he was as joyful as Kirk felt inside. They needed no words and neither outward nor verbal need for a declaration of love. All was there in singing in the richness of the pulse of the bond-thread.

The bond-thread, the one that linked them to each other, was red in colour. Kirk almost laughed at the cliché, because it was always red, these things. Red like Human blood, like the colour of the setting suns of Earth and Vulcan, like the corny hearts on Valentine's Day cards he had once given and received when he was younger.

But he did not mind it, not at all.

* * *

**To be continued**

**As usual thank you for reading. Please comment and share your thoughts and feelings with me!**

**x Albukirky**


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